China 09/17 – Happy Valley Wuhan

Yet another high speed train took us down to Wuhan from Zhengzhou. The next morning we managed to find a regular bus that conveniently stopped directly outside the hotel and went to the park of the day.

This all seems somewhat familiar.
They were doing a hard sell on golf buggy rental at the entrance today, because it was hot and the “park was big”. Speed wasn’t really required, however, with the staggered ride openings and lack of guests around. I’d quite like to give one a go some day to add some extra comedy to a cred run, but it’s crazily expensive (comparable to the entrance ticket) even in a country where you expect to feel well off. Add it to the bucket list.

Day 6 – Happy Valley Wuhan

Oh good, another mine train clone. That makes 4 this week. At least we’ve managed to pull off a different theme on each one.

I’ll take this clone any day though. Another dose of S&S launched magnificence.
With a fresh comparison, I think I’ve settled on preferring this layout over Beijing’s.

It’s just a more fluid sequence of elements, each one has full purpose and brutalises you with maximum efficiency.

It rode better than Bullet Coaster, but isn’t quite as nice to look at, so that’s a harder one to call.

Never found a dark ride I was looking for. Most staff didn’t remember it, one had a vague recollection of it being in the ‘desert area’, but the only building there contains an upcharge ice house (ain’t no Harbin), so I assume it’s gone.

On to the next woodie of the week. I was half expecting it, so wasn’t massively put out by the fact they were only running one side. The red side was in ‘maintenance’ all day. But one non-duelling dragon is better than no duelling dragon.

This was good. Probably the weakest Gravity woodie of the week, but that’s not saying much as it had been an incredible week so far, it’s still well up there in the grand scheme of things. I think the duelling aspect could have elevated it slightly more, but it’s still fun to watch the way the tracks cross over each other. The first drop of the other side looked more interesting with its weird s-bend and overlapping of the blue drop.

The highfive element was cool, but not as killer as the antisocial highfive from the previous day.
It had some very good moments throughout, but the train runs out of steam a bit towards the end.

Woodies and locals anecdote 4: Had one particularly hilarious run in which every single person on the train around me was doing the weird ‘head bowed can’t cope with the forces’ thing again and one man appeared to completely pass out for the duration of the ride. It certainly kicked his arse.

Opposite issue with the Skyloop here, not enough people wanted to go on it. The staff were amazing and managed to rally enough guests with their microphones so that there were enough numbers to run it for me, all while singing along to Jay Chou songs.

Got lucky again with that splash timing.

Chinese Formule X was spiting. Bit disappointed as it was my favourite Xcar layout at the time, but at least it wasn’t the star attractions. It’s amazing to think that a ride of that quality is way down the pecking order in this park’s lineup.

This here be a ‘pirate themed walkthrough’. Except that it isn’t. It starts off with a single pirate figure at a ship’s wheel. Then there’s an abandoned minivan. Then it’s pretty much the same nonsense as all the other haunted walkthroughs. What makes this weirder is that they also have a generic looking haunted walkthrough just around the corner. Didn’t bother with that.

Overflying Yangtze is a flying simulator. Quite liked this one. It had a good waiting area, was completely empty so only running the middle car for maximum immersion, and there was mildly interesting scenery to look at. With dragons.

Every park is made better by dinosaurs. Except Fantawild Adventure.

It started to rain a little around mid afternoon, the first time the weather had shown any sign of change from maximum sun spite. The park respectably soldiered on for a good while longer and I managed to grab a final lap on both Dauling Dragon and OCT Thrust in the rain before it got too heavy and they all threw in the towel for the day. Better than Nagashima Spite Land.

Had a good time here overall. They’ve potentially got the best coaster lineup in the chain, if they actually had it all running. It does however lack a lot in impressive theming compared to the others parks.

The rain ruined any plans of mopping up creds in the city that afternoon, so resorted to enjoying the ‘local sights’ around some malls.

Day 7

China 09/17 – Fantawild Resort Zhengzhou

Quite quickly.
A day of infinite impracticalities. Luggage was in tow here due to high speed train spite.
The morning train out of this city had been fully booked months in advance so it had to be an in and out in a day job, with no hotel.
Further spite at the station with 3 different people telling us 3 different places for luggage storage there. None of them came to fruition and the one that was actually signposted and on the maps had partition walls around it. Better lug it to the park then.

The bus in the arrival direction for the park dumped us directly opposite the entrance plaza, but there is a catch in that there is a dual carriageway to cross and a high fence stopping you from doing so. It looked to be a good mile walk in either direction through the so far unrelentingly scorching weather to get around this problem. 1 local couple got off here with us and were equally flummouxed by the situation, so no help there.

This particular impracticality has generated some thriving business in the form of a hoard of tuk tuks and drivers that all swarm you once you steo iff the bus and offer to take you around. After distancing ourselves from that lot and assessing the situtation, we eventually teamed up with the couple and selected a reasonably friendly looking old lady to drive us in a tuk tuk. All crammed in on folding seats, luggage loosely sliding across the roof, we set off. All the way down the road, around the fence and all the way back again. Arriving in style.

Got dropped off at the car park barriers straight into the usual flock of “theme parks = water, so buy a poncho, 5 bucks here, 10 inside” people. Swatting them away with a couple of heavy suitcases, we powered into the premises. Almost there right?

After another huge walk, yes. The entrance area and plaza is stupidly massive of course. There’s 2 parks here. Adventure on the right, Dreamland on the left. Tourist centre in the middle.
Tourist centre won’t take the bags, have to store them inside the parks. Fine. Ticket office.
“2 parks, 1 day please.”
“We shut at 5 today, you sure?”
“Easy mate. Can we get into one park more than once with this ticket, you know, for the bags?”
“Single entry only.”
Fine… Turnstyles.

Day 5 – Fantawild Adventure Zhengzhou

Particularly glad this was the only place in China they weren’t actually bothering with bag scanning.
Thumbprints and signatures on the multi ticket faff.
“Can we get into the park more than once, you know, for the bags?”
“Single entry only.”
Fine… Internal tourist centre.
“Need to store these bags please.”
Signatures, phone numbers and wristband faff. Taken round to a locker.
“Won’t all fit in there mate.”
“I see.”
Signatures, phone numbers and wristband faff. 2 lockers.
“Can we get back into the park later, you know, for the bags?”
“Single entry only.”
Fine… bastards.

After all that massive waste of time, the plan was to hit the Adventure park hard and fast as it’s full of crap creds and low end dark rides, then spend a decent amount of time at the decent park next door.

Dino Rampage was first. Another spiderman system, but Fantawild’s first attempt at replicating it. Not sure if it was just the mood I was in, maybe I like dinosaurs too much and don’t like when they have to start shooting in Jurassic Park, but this ride really annoyed me. I guess I was expecting a happy go lucky encounter with some dinosaurs gone a bit wild in a museum, but it was actually very graphic and rather disturbing.

I didn’t expect to watch the army go nuts on a T-rex with machine guns while it picks up a car in it’s mouth and throws it at them. I didn’t expect to see that long neck dinosaur (the plant eater) to be eating people whole before getting a grenade in the mouth and its head blown off. I didn’t expect to see a pterosaur crashing a helicopter into a skyscraper and men plunging to their deaths.
Looking back, it’s totally hilarious. At the time it was just all kinds of no.

Oh good, the next mine train clone, with terrible operations.
At least the scenery was different.

Oh good, a Skyloop AND a Boomerang. Interesting rides AND throughput machines.
The Skyloop had about 60 people in the queue. My immediate response was NOPE, gonna be at least 2 hours of the day gone.
Got straight into the next batch of Boomerang candidates instead. Stress Express is right.

Hope the cat was enjoying life more. Doesn’t look like it.

Maus au Chocolat eat your heart out. Or not.
Today Space Warrior showed how to suck all the fun out of shooting balloons? at gophers? I forget the details, but it’s all a little too open plan with no atmostphere in that you can see the size of the warehouse it’s housed in and each of the many, many upcoming walls of screens that you’ll have to suffer as you go around.

Well that was enough of that place. I left without even finishing the creds and it bothered me to no end that the park was so stupidly popular in comparison to next door and by far the busiest weekday of the trip. Why…

As none of the Adventure parks have interesting creds, I’d be quite happy to never touch one again.

“You sure we can’t c..?”
“Single entry.”
Fine… Dreamland, luggage in tow again.

Fantawild Dreamland Zhengzhou

Second internal tourist centre.
“Need to store this luggage please.”
“1 locker?”
“No, 2. We just came from the other park and we needed 2.”
“1 should do.”
“Seriously, it won’t.”
Signatures, phone numbers and wristband faff. Taken round to a locker to prove the point.
“Won’t all fit in there mate.”
“I see.”
Signatures, phone numbers and wristband faff. 2 lockers.
“Told you.”

And breathe…

After what might have been the most stressful morning I’ve ever had in this hobby, it turns out I really liked this park. A lot. Totally the right decision to ditch the Skyloop.

If only for the amount of time I got to spend with this beast. So many things I love about this thing.
Firstly, the way that shot of the first drop is framed perfectly from the station. Sitting down in the train looking at that drop. “Oh no.”

Woodies and locals anecdote 3: Several locals of a middling age got into the train on my first go. After a lengthy discussion with the attendants about the nature of the ride and an assessment of their surroundings (that framing) they all began shouting hysterically words to the effect of “I ain’t doing that” and promptly got back out of the train and left the station. I didn’t even question how they got this far in the first place without realising, but I found myself willing them to just give it a go. There wouldn’t be sick this time, there would be blood.

Sitting contently in the back, I’m specifically told to hold on to the restraint by a timid ride host. I oblige, politely. If you say so.
Oh no, you do have to hold on.
Again, I didn’t know the features of these woodies coming into the trip, so this one just blew me away.

The entry to that drop ain’t straight. Because of this, the ride tries to get rid of you immediately at a 45° angle. Back seat instantly became one of my all time favourite first drops.
You then fly past the station over the smallest hill to ever follow a first drop. The ride staff were really lovely on this and are just standing there waving at me. I want to wave back but I’m too busy trying to process the insanity.

<3 Anti-social highfive element. Really aggressive whip in and out of those.

Proper corner.

Rounded off by many crazy hills of all shapes and sizes. It may be slightly shorter, but it’s full of pure unfiltered relentlessness.
Best ride of the trip, one of the best in the world.

Still broken from that experience, staggered over to Dragon King’s Tale next.

It runs an actual preshow, unlike so many other Fantawild rides that feel like they should.
Following that you walk through a cool tunnel with water shooting around it. Then I almost fall over because it’s wet and slippery. I was warned by a sign.
The actual ride is a big boat taking you around various scenes and screens.

Oh no, the city is flooded and the (supposedly meant to be a boy, but I’ll maintain it’s a girl) has to ask the Dragon King to fix things. Dragon King is a bit of an ass and refuses for a while, but after some persuasion through few action sequences, including real FIRE, he sorts it in the end. Liked this a lot.

Ticked off the SFC. Orkanen is a great ride and this is the best supporting coaster in any of their parks, but just a +1 today.

Qin Dynasty Adventure.

In my best film trailer voice: “Things take an unexpected turn when an archaelogical dig at the Terracotta Army uncovers something more sinister.”
I started off liking the vehicles for this as they have quite a punchy acceleration between scenes and they bank the wrong way on corners to exaggerate things. Then it goes up hills and does fake juddery drops and I wish they just called Premier and made it a cred.
Thoroughly enjoyed the theme and everything that was happening around me.

We use the term academy loosely here at Wizards Academy. Yet another spiderman ride.
The wizard is an ass and says you shouldn’t have come. He then proceeds to send many large mythical creatures to attack you, chucking in a few of his own spells as well.
Those are the lessons. You survive. You get a certificate from the academy. Well done.
Again I liked it a lot.

So that’s 3 really good dark rides that were new to me. They’ve also got Jinshan Temple Showdown (world class) and Devil’s Peak (very good). They’ve got the best coaster lineup in the chain. They’re really outdoing themselves here.
I’ve seen less than 10 guests here and everyone is in the bloody Adventure park.

There were a lot of references around to the fact that a Chinese version of famous Korean TV show ‘Running Man’ had visited this park.

Yes we do.

The shot tower here was laughably weak, but you take a lift to the top and there’s some great views of the 2 parks up there. No cameras allowed sadly.

Re-rode the woodie until I couldn’t handle it, or how lovely the ride staff were, any longer. Then called it a day.

Bit of a love/hate thing going on here with Fantawild.

Day 6

China 09/17 – Oriental Heritage Jinan

After Ningbo was one of the worst things ever to happen, it was time to make my peace with the Fantawild franchise.

Day 4 – Oriental Heritage Jinan

Decided to clear the air straight away and actually get on a Jungle Trailblazer this time.

I didn’t love this as much as the previous day’s Gravity woodie offering, but it’s still a very good ride. My favourite part was the series of tiny hills straight out of the corkscrew that just keep on delivering.

Stuff like the inversion and the overbank didn’t really add anything to the experience for me.
Being particularly picky, it felt a bit more clinical, less out of control and wasn’t as well paced as I would have liked.

Woodies and locals anecdote 2: Upon my first arrival at the station, the train was just pulling in with 2 blokes on it. One of them had been sick mid ride. It certainly kicked his arse.

The creds are all next to each other in this park which would help if you’re in a hurry. I sort of was, but that would change later.

Oh good, the next mine train clone of the trip. Either I zoned out my previous Night Rescue while in a bad mood, or this one had more theming towards the end including a screen with a big demon face. We still didn’t catch what it was about. Tunnels of thorny trees, more screams of the damned, it makes it quite interesting. Just cheap hardware.

Oh good, the next Boomerang of the trip. Vests seemed more shoulder crushing than usual to me, perhaps adjusted to Asian sizes? Ride was manageable.

The new to me dark ride that I knew I needed here was Devil’s Peak. It’s inspired by Universal’s Harry Potter ride robot arm system, but all slowed down a good 10x so there’s no ridiculous rushing through an incoherent amount of scenes, though it feels a lot more awkward in the movements.
It has more of an actual story, being about the Monkey King scaling a big mountain, fighting that golden dragon and a big ass lava bloke (part of Journey to the West).
I want to say it’s better, but I’m not convinced yet. There’s also a cheapness to some of the physical sets and moments like “although this a completely different theme, those skeletons in cloaks we just bounced past look a little too much like Dementors”. But that’s not to say there isn’t a cheapness to Universal’s lack of fresh storytelling and bad screen animations of Potter waving on a broom. I’m torn.

Gave Bridge to Love a go on the way round as it was starting the very second we got to it. This story is a Chinese tale called the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl – exaggerated for visual effect.
It takes place in a moving theatre with screens round the walls and on the ceiling. I quite liked it, mostly for the fact that it’s a relaxing sit down.

I had provisionally factored in rushing this park and heading over to Quancheng Euro Park in the afternoon so at this point headed over to guest services for a second opinion. The lovely lady there did some research herself and concluded it was either triple bus faff or a taxi, the taxi being strongly not recommended personally by her, as apparently they’re all dodgy people between the two parks.

Grabbed a bite to eat and mulled it over, deciding not to bother in the end due to a combination of possible struggles to get back again from there and the fact I’d temporarily put myself off of cred runs over the last few days.
Would rather just spend a relaxing day at a decent park right now.

So.

I liked Legend of Nuwa before. Gave it another go. Seem to recall the 3D on this being some of the most striking I’d seen in a long time, but it didn’t stand out as much on this occasion. Still an impressive Spiderman style ride. Glad to help the magic woman with the whip any time.

The indoor queue areas in these parks are ridiculously elaborate in both theming and length. Sometimes it seems like there should be a preshow or something, but it all gets skipped.

It was a busy day.

These queue boards have the ability to go up to 4 hours. I’d leave immediately.
This was outside the rapids, which despite having a fancy name and description on the map is unthemed and a total waste of time, not sure why the standards slipped there.

More of this? Why not.

Finally coming round to the feel of these places. When it’s quiet and it looks this good, it’s hard not to.

Just pumping out fog for the aesthetic.

Fun fact: It’s actually Jungle Flying Dragon in Chinese, rather than Trailblazer. They do love their dragons.

The history of China. Skip.
Much prefer the legends and fairytales.

Hanging around also meant we could catch this once a day show.

Some clever stuff going on with various set pieces like these doors and some bricks on wires.
The story is a confusing blend of the original and a ‘modern day’ Legend of Lady Meng Jiang. Her husband is forced into slave building the great wall, he dies and then her tears make the wall fall down. But then he wasn’t dead in the modern half. Or it was symbolic. Or something.

There’s people in that hedge. They all waved.

The woodie grew on a me a little over the course of the day. Seemed to get a little less rattly during the bits when it wasn’t doing much, as it ‘warmed up’.

Alright Fantawild, you’re forgiven for now. When your attractions are actually running and the park isn’t full of undesirables, it is possible to have a great day at a park like this.

Let’s see how quickly you can wear me down.

Day 5

China 09/17 – Happy Valley Tianjin

I believe this was the hottest day of the trip. The bus to the park couldn’t make up it’s mind whether it was 38°C or 54°C. Then it broke down and we got abandoned at the side of the road for 20 minutes, not ideal.

Day 3 – Happy Valley Tianjin

Could be worse.

Mercifully half of this park is indoors, so there were at least moments I could save myself from bursting into flames.

Started strong with this Zamperla speedy coaster.

Then couldn’t wait any longer for the Gravity woodie.

Well this was absolutely brilliant. A near perfect amount of being thrown about in every direction. Not too rough, just violent enough to give you plenty to think about. Exactly how I like it.

I didn’t look into any of the wooden coasters on this trip in any detail, so didn’t know any of the layouts or their key features. This one definitely exceeded my expectations and is just full of both straight hills and twisty hills of all shapes and sizes that deliver a ton of fun.

Woodies and locals anecdote 1: After the first ride, a man ever so casually walks up to the staff and asks where there is a bin. She points behind and he ever so casually wanders over to it and proceeds to throw up into it. It certainly kicked his arse.

Disappointed that this tower ride was closed. I wanted it to be better than Mystery Castle.

Did the haunted walkthrough next to it instead and it was a vast improvement over the Beijing shambles. Back in business with the classic humour and not particularly scary-ness.

4D Xmas Adventure Ride with Santa getting up to all sorts of mischief is pretty good, as long as you notice the 3D is broken and take your glasses off again.

Back inside for a bit.

Ex-spite-dition of Volcano. Closed for the day.

My reaction.

I’ve lived through the Joyland Skyloop, so this is nothing in comparison, but I feel like the tale should to be shared.

They were running their El Loco with 3 cars. The station platform has space to hold 3 cars, but they are only able to onload and offload the front 2 cars.
If you are in the 2nd car that gets despatched you end up sitting in the ride, in the station, having completed your circuit, for the entirety of the following sequence:
Car 1 offloads people at the front of the station. These people clamber out and gather their belongings in the usual faffy fashion.
Car 2 offloads people at the front of the station. These people clamber out and gather their belongings in the usual faffy fashion.
As with most of China, you are prevented from leaving the station area until a check has been made by the staff that everyone is out of their train and has taken their items, which often ends in an awkward encounter if you’re out of the train in 5 seconds like a normal person and are left standing and staring at the staff for at least a minute waiting to leave.
8 people leave.
Open the gate for 4 people. Let them clamber across the 1st car, sort out their loose items, sit down, seatbelt on, seatbelt check, restraint down and restraint check.
Open the gate for 4 more people. Let them clamber across the 2nd car, sort out their loose items, sit down, seatbelt on, seatbelt check, restraint down and restraint check.
Dispatch 2 cars. Car 1 takes the circuit straight away, car 2 stops just outside the station until car 1 has cleared the first block of the layout.
Once car 2 pulls away, car 3 which has been sitting in the station with people in it this whole time can move to the front of the station and offload.
Make sense?
Of course I was the 2nd car to be despatched.

Fortunately this version has only a lap bar and not the Slammer/Mumbo Junbo restraints so it was comfortable to sit stuck for a good 10 minutes.
Obviously the restraints also made the ride a fair amount better than I’m used to and it was exceptionally smooth, so a pretty good experience overall with their characteristic wacky inversions, corners and drops.

Mario has got the El Loco cred.

Some other shooting dark ride I wanted (Bavarian Animal Rescue?) was also closed today. Headed back outside for a few more laps on Fjord instead.

Plucked up the courage to give the final go a hands up, which would normally be very easy me. This one of those rides where you really don’t feel you should and then get somewhat tenderised by various parts of the train and lap bar as a result. In a good way.

The viking area is rather nice.

Quite a nice park overall really, just the amount of closures of secondary rides meant there was little else to fill the day with other than sitting in the comfy woodie train, waiting for customers to arrive.
It would be good to see this one get an expansion to the coaster lineup like some of the other Happy Valleys are currently going through (the first parks in China to really see anything like this). Hopefully it can get some better transport links to keep up with the others as well.

Satisfied, went back to the station for a look around.

Tianjin has a rather posh appearance in the middle. Not so much as you head outwards.

U-spited Roller Coaster and an SLC from the train window on the way back.

Add that to the seen but never been list.

Day 4

China 09/17 – Happy Valley Beijing

The journey to this park was one of the most straight forward I’ve encounted in China, it’s usually an adventure in itself.
An easy metro ride and a quick stroll can get you to:

Day 2 – Happy Valley Beijing

Yeah. That good stuff.

As is often the case in this country, I had a minor mental breakdown upon entering the park and immediately being told Extreme Rusher was broken. A quick walk-by showed there was a train on the launch track and engineers were doing something to it. There was still hope.

Headed over to the B&M flyer in the meantime.

Well this was alright at best, though visually very impressive.
Starts off well with the pretzel. Pretzel is good. And now we’re turning… and we’re… turning some more.
Corner after corner and I find myself willing it to do something else. Oh good an inline? Brakes. Gave it a second go in the back just to be sure.
I guess you just can’t compete now Flying Dinosaur is on the scene.
Highlight: The start.
Lowlight: The rest.

Became reacquainted with the Vekoma Mine Train. Jungle Racing without the racing. They would never run two together.
Highlight: Nicely themed.
Lowlight: Only about 10 more of these to come on the trip.

Have to give a special mention to the visuals in this place.

Troy!

Spent a good while milling around, waiting for the SLC that had a later opening time.

Did a haunted walkthrough as they’re usually a laugh. This one was simply awful with 90% of the effects and lighting broken and a constant announcement being played over the speakers instead of ambient spooky stuff.
Wait…

The thunderous boom of an S&S air launch venting echoes across the park. Oh, that noise is so good. You fixed it boys.

I already have much love for Bullet Coaster so was particularly looking forward to trying the other layout. It didn’t disappoint.
For Happy Valley they were hauling arse on operations. A significant amount of people (for this trip) had also rushed into the queue, but despatches were every 4 or 5 minutes over Shenzhen’s 20 minutes. They still wanted everyone to do exercises before you board though.
To be fair the locals probably need it as the ride is such an intense experience from start to finish. Sitting on the launch still puts the fear back in me, which is rare these days.
It has a great mix of extremes throughout – the best acceleration money can buy, crushing twists and turns, crazy and weird air time and a brutal snap into the brakes that you really have to defend yourself against.

That wonky hill at the end is fantastic, a very unusual sensation of lateral ejection.
This made me seriously question whether it’s the better of the 2 layouts. We’ll soon see.
Highlight: All of it
Lowlight: Cred anxiety

Well this thing is finally open. Completely zoned it out and didn’t even notice the rare bonus helix in the layout. It did that same weird forward and back pumping motion that I’ve felt on a few recently, but SLCs haven’t given me any grief for a couple of years now.
Highlight: Good views on the lift
Lowlight: Queue was a good 5 mile walk. Far too much effort.

Jumped on the flying island for some more good views.

Queues dwindled quickly on Extreme Rusher so rode it until satisfied (the queues were a bit much) before heading out earlier than anticipated, looking for something else to do.

This lurks just across the road. Don’t want to be reminded of home just yet.

Sun Park

Figured we still had time for a quick stop off here.

Started off a bit confused, but eventually figured out it was a Chinese Prater. There were several women hanging around brandishing leaflets of the rides they could sell you as well as deals for multiple tickets. None of the leaflets contained any creds so they were politely declined.
The trick is to find the nearest ticket huts to each ride you want and hope:
a) There is someone in it (usually watching Naruto on their phone)
b) They have creds on their sign
c) They aren’t doing ‘maintenance’

There’s one.

That baby may have been stolen, but is also thinking ‘one day’.
At last something properly sketchy to try out. The way the train rocked back and forth at a 45 degree angle to the track while going up the lift created a fair amount of trepidation. Once it got going it was surprisingly fine. Just doesn’t handle well at slower speeds it seems.
Highlight: A proper cultural experience
Lowlight: I think I wanted it to be worse

Things got a bit hectic after that. Although the ‘amusements’ were meant to be open until 17:30, ticket sales stopped at 16:00… It was now 15:50. Time to sprint around and try and catch as much as possible. It was very tempting to hijack someone’s golf buggy to help with this.

The motorbike, the rainbow children coaster, the mine train and the jungle mouse were all down for ‘maintenance’.

Managed to catch the Golden Horse spinner, #6 Spinning Coaster
Highlight: +1
Lowlight: Almost came to a standstill on all the final blocks. No time for that.

The Beijing Jiuhua Amusement Rides Manufacturing Co., Ltd. spinner, #7 Crazy Skateboard
Highlight: +1
Lowlight: They kept trying to get me on things that weren’t creds. No time for that.

The powered coaster, #8 Space Scooter
Highlight: +1
Lowlight: Too many laps. No time for that.

And finally the Zhongshan Jinbo Recreation Equipment Co. spinner, #9 Jungle Block. With a height difference of no more than 10ft, best ride in the park.
Highlight: The operator excitedly shouts “WE’VE GOT CUSTOMERS” and two of the nearby staff girls decided to join us for a ride.
Lowlight: They’re onto us. Apparently “westerners love this ride.”

What have we become.

Day 3

China 09/17 – Beijing

Day 1 – Great Wall

Suppose it would be rude not to pay this thing a visit. Getting there under your own steam is surprisingly easy, even though all the tour websites would have you believe it’s impossible to do and you should pay £200 a head for a personal driver.

How do we get up the top? By cred of course.

This unusual contraption runs a long chain of alpine coaster cars up to the top, at which you get off and do your thing. The other half comes later.

It’s only about 8am at this stage and I could already feel myself burning alive. Turns out it was going to be 1000 degrees for most of this trip. Views were nice though. Making this is an incomprehensible feat.

For the second half of the ride you get back on the long chain of cars and go racing back down the mountain at intense speeds, with a staff member barely controlling the brakes at the very front.
All that green sheltering really messes with your eyes.

On to more important things.

Beijing Spitingshan Amusement Park

This place has become a graveyard of rides. Most of what I expected wasn’t even there. It was one of the busiest parks of the trip for guest numbers, so not sure what the deal is.

One of those parks you’ll probably see an online news artical about Disney causing a fuss over copyright.
All I know is they play a lot of Roller Coaster Tycoon – maps cost 20p in this park.

Started out with a quality mine train. They should be proud of this one, look at that overgrowth.

Highlight: It actually still exists.
Lowlight: Huge deadly hornet creatures tried to stop me getting on it.

This locally built looping coaster was fine. Everyone else in the train was doing a weird uncomfortable bowing of their head stance, probably thinking ‘I cant handle this ride’ while I’m just thinking ‘good little sit down’.
That baby is blatantly thinking ‘one day’.

Highlight: It actually still exists.
Lowlight: The plague of offensively elaborate seatbelts on rides returns to my life.

The SLC still stands but was broken. Disappointed, the fact that it’s a Chinese prototype makes me want it so much more. That and the sign says it’s world class.

We then found what I had labelled on my paperwork as ‘rabbit with a gun shooting dark ride‘. Same ride system as the Everland one? That probably doesn’t help anyone. I still don’t know the name.
Was actually not too bad for this park, had a bit of length to it and was reasonable fun. I got the highest score in Asia as always.

The theme was space.

That was the park. Everything else was apparently missing in action.
For a laugh we asked someone in the ticket booth directly underneath where a spinning coaster used to stand where said ride had gone. In typical fashion they acted like they knew what they were talking about and said it was the other side of the looper. It wasn’t.
Half the supports still remain above their head.

That was all rather uneventful, so we went to queue with 1000 people sweating profusely to get through security gates and see this thing.

Pretty much this x10. Started out impressive, but got rather repetetive.

Quaint. Fortunately you can’t tell the fact that Taron queueline levels of chainsmoking was going on directly behind me.
Stupid tourist things.

Seriously, bring on the good stuff.

Day 2

China 01/18 – Happy Valley Shenzhen

Back to Shenzhen for the final day and Wood Coaster has decided to evade me for a second time by being under maintenance.

Against better judgment, we went for a revisit to Happy Valley instead.
The gate price has increased significantly and the ride lineup has been slashed since my last visit due to the huge construction site that is swallowing up the park. All for a Pulsar clone.
I forgot at the time but the 1 cred I was missing from this park, the mine train, was in the middle of the construction site, so nothing to be gained today. Spite.
The site really takes up a big chunk of the park and is poorly signposted/not advertised outside the park or on maps. To avoid it, a particularly arduous walk around the half of the park with nothing in it is required.

30 mins of walking later, arrived at the entrance of an old friend.

The first train had been loaded, but about 19 members of staff were walking up and down the train staring in a befuddled fashion at the back of each row where all the restraint lights are.

This went on for around 15 minutes with them setting and resetting bars before they decided it wasnt going to be a quick fix. The train was emptied and the queue evacuated.

Well that’s this park finished for me.
Mega-Lite went to do the SLC while I sat on the bench thinking of the million better things I could be doing with my time right now.

Went to go do the worm.
Empty Bullet launch noise.

Went to sit outside Bullet for an hour. Various stories about a quick fix and should be opening soon.

Went to go do the worm.
Did the shooting Santa dark ride. A shell of its former self. Disgusting.

Went to sit outside Bullet for an hour. Eventually opened.

Got 3 laps in in quick succession. Once again wish I hadn’t bothered coming. It was riding a bit crap and as a result, my original memories of how good this used to be have been tainted. It has now lost the tied spot with its twin OCT Thrust SSC1000 on my list.

Crappy Valley Shenzhen has also become the worst in the chain for me.

Left the park. Leave the memories alone.

Good to end a trip report on a high.

China 01/18 – Fantawild Resort Xiamen

The next stop of course is China.

Xiamen isn’t really on route to anything to have been part of one of my bigger trips here, but it was a necessary step in my quest to knock out everything ‘decent’ in 2 years worth of visa.
Started with another dirt cheap Scoot to Shenzhen (via Singapore again). They weren’t so hot this time, losing their gate by getting in the way of other airlines, being very late to take off and then somehow losing another hour on approach to the city in a straight line. Well I did say ‘you get what you pay for.’
First day was very familiar territory. It was raining. Phoned the relevant parks. All closed.
This isn’t my first time in Shenzhen so I just laughed and went Kpop shopping in Hong Kong instead.

Day 7 – Oriental Heritage Xiamen

It was a nervous 4 hour train ride due to the possibility of more weather spite, but we had committed. It turned out to be a beautiful day.

Fantawild adversity begins (though not quite at Zhengzhou levels) with a massive spiteful walk over a big rainbow bridge to get to another typically huge entrance plaza. I swear I took a picture, but can’t find any.

Exhausting.

The shape of this resort gives the parks a long, thin layout, so it felt like another half hour walk, greatly exaggerated by cred anxiety, to Jungle Trailblazer.

Very glad to have done it, but it was a bit of a let down. It certainly doesn’t keep up its pace like other Gravitys.
On paper it looked fantastic, but after a strong start it loses all momentum and was crawling by the end.

The weather might play a bigger part than how much it gets run in the day. I’ve never done any of these that weren’t total ghost town parks and walk on rides that hardly ever get dispatched, but it was about 20°C colder here, which might count for something.
That or they just plain messed up the maths on this one.
It’s done at least, only 1 more layout to complete the set.

Another Vekoma SFC clone. Also not running very well.

Oriental Heritage being its usual glamourous self.

Water park is getting an upgrade. If the entrance plaza is anything to go by, it’s actually the centrepiece of this resort.

Skip.

They’ve got a strong lineup of the usual Fantawild dark rides here, but hiding under different names. I know this one as Dragon King’s Tale rather than Rumble Under the Sea. The pre-show and spinning water tunnel were off here, but it’s a very good ride.
They love to copy paste and so I shall do the same.
‘Actual ride is a big boat taking you around various scenes.
Oh no, the city is flooded and the (supposedly meant to be a boy, but i’ll maintain it’s a girl) has to ask the Dragon King to fix things. Dragon King is a bit of a dick and refuses for a while, but after a bit of persuasion through few action sequences, including real FIRE, he sorts it in the end.‘

The Flaming Mountains also goes by Devil’s Peak/Better than Forbidden Journey.
‘It’s the Harry Potter arm system, but all slowed down a good 10x so there’s no ridiculous rushing through an incoherent amount of scenes, but it feels a lot more awkward in the movements.
It has more of an actual story, being about the Monkey King scaling a big mountain, fighting that golden dragon and a big ass lava bloke (part of Journey to the West).‘

Legend of Nuwa. Same name, still good.
‘Spiderman technology with another Chinese tale.
There’s a hole in the sky and you’re helping out some magic woman with the key to fix it, but big red bloke, big blue bloke and a couple of dragons are out to stop you.’

The staff in the park weren’t particularly nice compared to some other locations, particularly on the woodie. They clearly weren’t happy to have to deal with guests as there was literally no one else in the park (a standard day for them must just be sitting around on the phone for 7 hours) and they actively made it a bit of a hassle to do many rerides.

Due to some lazy resarch on my part (only knowing the coaster lineup), I had assumed that next door to this was an Adventure park, which I despise.
As we weren’t as enthralled as we might have hoped with this place, decided we might as well suffer the creds.
Yes, I was fully prepared to skip them. How unlike me.

On closer inspection…

It’s a Dreamland with the same coaster lineup as my last Adventure.
My last Dreamland had the same coaster lineup as this Oriental Heritage. Did you get that?

Fantawild Dreamland Xiamen

The front and back halves of the park felt very Adventure but they’ve padded out the middle with some good dark rides. It was another ghost town thankfully, as a 2 hour queue for a Skyloop would have ended the day, and operations were surprisingly decent.

Mount Tanggula was nothing more than hilarious. Very weird vibrations going on that brought new experience to such a well traversed mine train layout.

Ugh.

‘Fantawild so big, I’d like to hire a car.’ Yes, but outside the park.
Also ‘Quick, that Boomerang is about to do the inversion from the outside, call an engineer!’

Double Ugh.

I seem to be missing half my pictures from this day, or I’m just getting lazy.
Did another 3 dark rides in this park, all ones I’ve done previously and really enjoyed a lot:

Wizard Academy
‘We use the term academy loosely here. Yet another spiderman ride.
The wizard is evil and says you shouldn’t have come. He then proceeds to send many large mythical creatures to attack you, chucking in a few of his own spells as well.
Those are the lessons. You survive. You get a certificate from the academy. Well done.‘

Qin Dynasty Adventure
‘In my best film trailer voice: “Things take an unexpected turn when an archaelogical dig at the Terracotta army uncovers something more sinister.”
I started off liking the vehicles for this as they have quite a punchy acceleration between scenes and they bank the wrong way on corners to exaggerate things. Then it goes up hills and does fake juddery drops and I wish they just called Premier and made it a cred.’

Jinshan Temple Showdown
‘With the big ass boats and hugely impressive effect scene at the end.
The showdown in question is between a woman who can become a snake and a demon hunter who is rather irrational. Has a bit of a cliff hanger ending, which makes a change.‘

Then the park closed. Could have got a bit more in if I had considered doing this half in the first place, but I’m sure these rides will crop up again.

S’alright.

Day 2