Resort Ranking – The Fantawilds

Fantawild are my favourite theme park chain in China right now. It’s been a bumpy ride over the last 5 or 6 trips out there but my most recent visits really highlighted how much I do actually love what they do.

The definitive niche they have over all other parks in the region is that they design and build their own dark rides – even the ride systems are done in house. The end result of some of these is nothing short of incredible and when you pair a couple of attractions of this nature with a top tier coaster, a few of which they also have, I get very excitable.

Currently owning 27 properties throughout the country (with another 8 on the way), many of the locations are resorts in their own right with multiple gates and extensive hotel complexes. There have been a few generations of development so far, each one being bigger, better and more ambitious. They’re a bit harder to come by on a quick jaunt in the region, usually sitting a fair distance outside major cities with limited transport access, but a good number of them are well worth the endeavour.

With so many locations already existing, the prospect of visiting all of them is likely largely offputting to most people and because of the repetition seen throughout these parks (there’s only so many times you can listen to Chinese Opera), working out which one to visit can seem a bit overwhelming. However, if you do go to China for theme parks and don’t experience Fantawild I will consider it a crime of the highest order.

I’m missing a couple (tons) of early Adventure parks (no big loss) but by the end of my last trip (more opened since…) I had visited every Dreamland and Oriental Heritage in the country so I thought it might help to create a little overview guide as to what attractions can be found where, what those attractions are and which parks I think personally give the best of everything.

I’ve been meaning to get onto dark ride reviews on the site at some point so I’ll have to branch off with more detail on some of these incredible examples. For now we’ll have settle with this list, which will end up as a ranking (of course) of the overall contents and feel of each set of parks in a resort. I shall aim to name 5 signature attractions in each gate and give them a Tier rating from A+ (world class) to E (trash).

Wish me luck.


Space Warrior – dark ride (C)
Dino Rampage – dark ride (D)
Sky Sailor – flying theatre (D)
Mount Tanggula/Vesuvio Volcano – mine train coaster (D)
Flare Meteor – suspended looping coaster (E)

We’ll start with an example of why the first generation Adventure parks aren’t much cop on their own and not particularly worth seeking out. It feels a little unfair to have Shenyang at the bottom because I didn’t mind the place once I had my expectations set super low, but it’s the only standalone version I’ve bothered with (by accident too).
It’s a competent enough theme park in the grand scheme of things, although once you’ve done literally any other Fantawild at all, it just becomes a cred run.

Location notes – The city is half a day away from Beijing in the opposite direction of the rest of the country, so not ideal. The main draw for visiting Shenyang would be the Hotgo resort, although half of it remains unopened. Allowing some breathing room for spite on a trip could result in a visit here, but I wouldn’t go out of the way for it. I didn’t.


Jinshan Temple Showdown/Whitesnake Maiden’s Fury – dark ride & show combo (A+)
Jungle Trailblazer – Gravity Group woodie (A)
Legend of Nuwa – dark ride (A)
Devil’s Peak/The Flaming Mountains – dark ride (B)
Night Rescue – indoor mine train coaster (C)

Personal bias here because I had a really rough day at the Ningbo park. It was my first ever Fantawild experience and it couldn’t have started any worse. Terrible, nonsense weather policies meant that absolutely all of the outdoor attractions were closed for the whole day, so I haven’t actually ridden this Jungle Trailblazer. Fortunately (can’t believe I’m saying this) it has been cloned at another park in this list so my assessment is based on that one. Even the second worst woodie in this post is still an A, so you know these lineups aren’t messing around.
They’re getting a second gate and a big shiny Vekoma so I’m hoping things turn out better when I come back here for that. For now, any Oriental Heritage by it’s own right is a fantastic park and well worth a visit, but I can’t bring myself to recommend this one.

Location notes – Although named after Ningbo, this one is almost equidistant between the outskirts of Shanghai and it’s namesake, albeit over a massive stretch of water/Hangzhou Bay Bridge. The city itself is under 2 hours away from Shanghai with the right train and also contains Romon U-Park, so it’s a decent enough shout from the most commonly visited region for coasters.


Jinshan Temple Showdown/Whitesnake Maiden’s Fury – dark ride & show combo (A+)
Jungle Trailblazer – Gravity Group woodie (A)
Legend of Nuwa – dark ride (A)
Devil’s Peak/The Flaming Mountains – dark ride (B)
Night Rescue – indoor mine train coaster (C)

And the aforementioned clone lives here. It has taken me actually doing this exercise to notice how identical the Jinan and Ningbo parks are and it really pains me that this one only ends up 7th because I absolutely loved the place. If I was doing this park by park and not on resorts then it would place a lot higher.
It marked my second visit to a Fantawild establishment and was the perfect showcase as to how Ningbo should have been, sparking the honeymoon phase of my relationship with the chain. As an added bonus (since I’ve been), there’s been a mini expansion (a small family coaster) and it is now home to the most creds in any of these parks.
From the gorgeous aesthetics of the place to the cracking ride lineup, you can’t really go wrong in Jinan.

Location notes – Jinan can be as quick as 90 minutes away from Beijing by train, so a day trip from the capital would be possible. As a better alternative it’s a decent stop off point within the golden triangle, particularly if you’re doing both Beijing and Shanghai in a single trip. Quancheng Euro Park is just up the road but if you’re new to the chain then please don’t try and do them in the same day. Soak this one up first.


Oriental Heritage
Legend of Nuwa – dark ride (A)
Jungle Trailblazer – Gravity Group woodie (B)
Dragon King’s Tale/Rumble Under The Sea – dark ride (B)
Devil’s Peak/The Flaming Mountains – dark ride (B)
Galaxy Express – Vekoma suspended family coaster (C)

Dreamland
Jinshan Temple Showdown/Whitesnake Maiden’s Fury – dark ride & show combo (A+)
Qin Dynasty Adventure – dark ride (A)
Wizard Academy – dark ride (C)
Mount Tanggula/Vesuvio Volcano – mine train coaster (D)
Terror Twister – Maurer Sky Loop (E)

Things are getting tougher now because every resort I’ve done from here on in contains at least one of the A+ attractions – Jinshan Temple Showdown in some form or another, which justifies a visit all by itself.
Xiamen is the first 2 gate establishment in the list and mainly suffers from having the weakest Jungle Trailblazer in the country. Aside from that, all I can really say is the location doesn’t lend itself well to any theme park based route through China. A solid pick, but only if it works for you.

Location notes – 4 hours in the wrong direction from any other major parks, you’d have to be as desperate as me to want to add this to any itinerary. In a moment of particular insanity I even considered going by boat from Taiwan. Don’t.


Oriental Heritage
Jungle Trailblazer – Gravity Group woodie (A)
Legend of Nuwa – dark ride (A)
Dragon King’s Tale/Rumble Under The Sea – dark ride (B)
Devil’s Peak/The Flaming Mountains – dark ride (B)
Night Rescue – indoor mine train coaster (C)

Dreamland

Jinshan Temple Showdown/Whitesnake Maiden’s Fury – dark ride & show combo (A+)
Qin Dynasty Adventure – dark ride (A)
*2 major shows – did not experience (?)
Wizard Academy – dark ride (C)
Golden Whirlwind – Sameco Looping Coaster (E)

The weather spited my first attempt at this one and I tried to use that opportunity to experience more indoor attractions and do some shows, of which this resort has many. Bad weather means absolutely no one turns up and the day is a complete write off so the park don’t bother to run anything anyway. That plan failed.
On a redemption visit I only allowed a single day, starting with the good and then rushing the bad, missing the signature shows yet again. I believe they’d elevate the experience, but can’t guarantee.
If this is your first Fantawild resort then allow 2 days or you’ll likely miss too much with the time slot based attractions. If things go well there’s even some bonus creds and you can complete the hat trick in a third Adventure park in Wuhu, at the complete opposite end of the city.

Location notes – 3 hours from Shanghai, but an easy day trip from many other significant cities in the region. Under an hour from either Nanjing (a good base with nothing in it yet) or Hefei (for the Sunac park). Other than Ningbo, it’s probably the most conveniently located Fantawild resort for theme parking in and around Shanghai, but that part of China is becoming so basic – buck the trend.


Magic Gallery – dark ride (A+)
Celestial Gauntlet – Vekoma coaster (A)
Legend of Nuwa – dark ride (A)
River of Tales – dark ride (B)
Xin Zhui – show (B)

It physically hurts me to put this park in in 4th. I had tears in my eyes on the way out of the place – it was that good. It’s the newest build I’ve done to date and absolutely sealed the deal on my rejuvenated passion for Fantawild parks.
They’re stepping the theming up even now and they still have the capactity to invent new mind blowing dark rides. I didn’t think they had it in them to exceed themselves any more and then Magic Gallery happened. Things aren’t stagnating forever, there’s already infrastructure for a second gate here and I’m so excited for their future.
But, and it’s a big but, it doesn’t have a woodie and the Vekoma just can’t compete.

Location notesIf it wasn’t what felt like 500 miles from the next resort in the list, even though you can daytrip both from Changsha equally comfortably, we’d have a winner. There’s always the option of ignoring my criteria and doing that anyway. The city is a pretty big hub in itself these days, with a good little triangle between Nanchang (for the Sunac Park) and Wuhan (Happy Valley) all within a couple of hours of each other. If you’re on a particularly long trip, Changsha is very central and a good stop off for almost any cross country direction.


Dreamland
Jungle Trailblazer – Gravity Group woodie (A+)
Jinshan Temple Showdown/Whitesnake Maiden’s Fury – dark ride & show combo (A+)
Qin Dynasty Adventure – dark ride (A)
Dragon King’s Tale/Rumble Under The Sea – dark ride (B)
Devil’s Peak/The Flaming Mountains – dark ride (B)

Adventure
Space Warrior – dark ride (C)
Dino Rampage – dark ride (D)
Sky Sailor – flying theatre (D)
Mount Tanggula/Vesuvio Volcano – mine train coaster (D)
Flare Meteor – suspended looping coaster (E)

It’s not worth calling these next two a resort because the way they’re split you simply don’t need the 2nd park for anything but creds. With no Oriental Heritage to steal the spotlight, the Dreamlands end up getting it all.
The Jungle Trailblazer here is a clone of Fjord Flying Dragon at rival chain Happy Valley’s Tianjin park and that also took the edge off for me slightly even if it is one of my all time favourite rides.
Weaknesses over the below? A Boomerang instead of A Vekoma SFC and the 2nd best woodie instead of the 1st best.
For a one day visit, you can’t get a much better representation of 2nd Gen Fantawild.

Location notesForget it’s called Zhuzhou, do it from Changsha. Other than that, see above.


Dreamland
Jungle Trailblazer – Gravity Group woodie (A+)
Jinshan Temple Showdown/Whitesnake Maiden’s Fury – dark ride & show combo (A+)
Qin Dynasty Adventure – dark ride (A)
Dragon King’s Tale/Rumble Under The Sea – dark ride (B)
Devil’s Peak/The Flaming Mountains – dark ride (B)

Adventure
Space Warrior – dark ride (C)
Dino Rampage – dark ride (D)
Sky Sailor – flying theatre (D)
Mount Tanggula/Vesuvio Volcano – mine train coaster (D)
Terror Twister – Maurer Sky Loop (E)

Except for this one of course. The same, but better. We’ve already had some world class woodies in the list and words cannot describe how this one takes the cake (well, they will when I get round to writing them down).
I had issues with the logistics of this resort. Thanks to the official transport we got stranded on the wrong of a massive road, their customer service was abysmal and the place angered me. My first Adventure park angered me even more. The Dreamland park was the perfect remedy for my foul mood and in a matter of moments I fell in love again (this keeps happening).
It’s only a snapshot and likely to change at any time but they’re the only example of the 2nd Gen parks that I saw actively running preshows for their dark rides. Given how intensely themed the queue areas for these attractions are, having the excuse to stop and appreciate that with some back story only elevated things further.
Bottom line – save all the hassle, get your Didi driver to take you to the door and don’t even bother with the second gate. Trust me, you don’t need that Skyloop. I didn’t, and no doubt you’ve seen what I’m like on here.

Location notesThey call Zhengzhou the crossroads of the Chinese high speed rail system, but it’s quite far from anything else to consider doing as an in and out and much better to do it in passing. The golden triangle was bound to come up again – Beijing, Shanghai and Xi’an, but I’ll add Changsha into the mix and make it a diamond. If you’re doing any 2 of those in one trip then you can easily knock off this city en route.


Jungle Trailblazer – Gravity Group woodie (A+)
Hero of Malacca – dark ride & show combo (A+)
Rama & Sita – dark ride (A)
Meeting in Ha Long Bay – dark ride (A)
Colourful Trip – dark ride (B)

We’ve made it to the top at last. If you want the most concentrated injection of what Fantawild really has to offer you then look no further than this one park. No second gate, no distractions. It’s a visual feast.
The park is a compilation, but it’s also all new stories and it shows off Fantawild at their most creative. Everything’s fresh, clean, wonderful and from what I saw they intend to keep it that way, unlike certain other places. After doing 5 things the same at all the others this park finally got me excited again and I haven’t stopped being since.
They have the best woodie, again (I hate them for cloning my fav… *bites fist* not now) and they have an awe-inspiring alternative version of their signature dark ride.
In going through ths list with all the pairings of JTs and JTSs, everything above us was lacking the complementary pinnacle of their home grown pure dark rides – they never had a Nüwa in the same gate.
Nor does this park, but it has a Sita (same tech, new story).
The boring and stupid Chinese Opera ride is no more and they’ve replaced it with a heart warming tale filled with mesmerising scenes (and smells).
I didn’t even get to try everything due to a couple of closures, but on top of all that there’s many, many more quality dark rides and shows (and a Wacky Worm) to give you one of the fullest days an empty Chinese park has to offer.

The only problem with this park being different to all the rest is that it’ll make you want to try another one.
Wait…
That’s a good thing.

Location notesDefinitely not the default go-to area for a Chinese theme park trip yet, but the region has improved significantly with just the opening of this one. Under 3 hours from Guangzhou on certain trains, it can be reasonably be incorporated into a southern trip if you stay over. There’s also a rubbish Wanda park just over a bridge.


Park Ranking – The Happy Valleys

Happy Valley, under the OCT group, were the original major theme park chain in China. They led the way in introducing imposing and impressive thrill rides from Western manufacturers (sadly beginning with the Vekoma SLC) to the local population and were at least partly responsible for kickstarting the current boom in theme parks being thrown up throughout the country, at a rate which the world has never seen before.

The company currently has 7 amusement parks under this name up and running across many major cities, along with some other resorts such as the Window of the Worlds, OCT East outside Shenzhen (home to Knight Valley and the wonderful Wood Coaster) and have recently started developing a second brand of properties titled Visionland, with a heavier focus on emulating a ‘movie park’ with more dark rides, less coasters.

Today I’ll be sticking to just the Happy Valley parks as they’re more directly comparable and I have managed to visit all of them so far, though there’s another already on the way – I’ll try my best to keep up. I do find parks a little harder to rank as there’s just so many factors involved in how a visit goes and impressions are made, so I’ve split things into a few significant categories: the ride lineup, the overall look and feel of the place and any particularly positive or negative personal experiences.


#7 Happy Valley Chengdu

This will be a common theme throughout the list, but the place looked good only in parts. Mainly the new area was nicely decorated and integrated with some existing rides that received an image overhaul. Other places were particularly grim and falling apart. The SLC queue consisted of nothing but metal cages and the state of the nearby dark ride was a complete embarrassment.

Rides: The park had a significant expansion just before I arrived, adding a GCI and B&M dive to the roster. Before this I can only imagine how comparatively dire the lineup would have been, relying solely on the cloned Intamin Megalite to do all the heavy lifting. I do appreciate the fact that both of the new rides were custom designed and even had a little interaction between them, but they were both a little underwhelming for their ride type.

My experience? Not good. Not good at all. I arrived on my first day to be told that all three of the major coasters were down for ‘annual maintenance’ at the same time and had to re-arrange our trip around returning another day to counteract this. The staff were also the worst I have encountered anywhere in the country. The usually light-hearted process of that infamous OCT invention, making guests exercise in the station before riding the biggest thrill rides, was treated with almost military diligence – anyone who did not fully conform got angrily shouted at by ride hosts.

#6 Happy Valley Shenzhen

The place has been an absolute wreck on both occasions I’ve visited. A long term development plan left half of it to look like a construction site (and now that it’s done it doesn’t even seem worth it). The Shangri-La theme around the star attraction does have a lovely vibe but that’s as far as it goes.

Rides: All about that Bullet Coaster. The standard lineup of SLC and mine train, even the fact that they have since added a Mack Powersplash does nothing to compliment the amazing S&S air launch coaster.

I ruined the place for myself on a second visit. Nothing had improved, everything had got worse and even Bullet was running far more poorly than I remembered previously. As amazing as the initial development of these parks in China are, it’s all too often followed by complete neglect. Why look after something when you can just build another one?

#5 Happy Valley Shanghai

The main things that spring to mind on the feel of this place are ‘big’ and ‘hot’. There’s huge open areas of unshaded pathway (I remember none of these trees) between some of the attractions that take forever to navigate. Like with Shenzhen, the Shangri-La area is the standout on looks, but there’s absolutely no attempt on most of the other coasters and the poorly maintained front end of the park with its crude circus theming is quite the eyesore.

Rides: To the more casual observer it looks like Shanghai has the most impressive lineup in the chain, perhaps even in all of China. A Gravity woodie, B&M dive and Megalite along with a couple of above average family coasters. Sadly all I see is Sheikra, two Danish Intamins & Kvasten. None of these are unique creations and so are unable to truly excite me. Everything rests on Wooden Coaster – Fireball and fortunately this is one of my absolute favourite rides.

As the busiest of their parks I’ve ever experienced, the impact of painfully slow Chinese operations has never been more apparent than in Shanghai. By far the longest queue I’ve ever suffered in China was in this park, with the station exercise audio track being broadcast for miles around, robbing me of the will to live as I stare at a neglected second train on a transfer track.
Aside from this they seem to be rather complacent with the amount of attractions built so far and will take any opportunity to not open the full lineup at any one time. It took me three separate visits at different times of year to actually complete the park and I never particularly enjoyed it.

#4 Happy Valley Tianjin

Half indoor and half outdoor, there’s a certain charm to this park that I enjoyed. There’s less of the big tacky water rides and crude funfair areas found at most of the other parks and a more coherent theme of Vikings, magic castles and Christmas going on outside that I have an unexplainable soft spot for. It’s the first park on the list that I would describe as pleasant to just exist in.

Rides: My favourite coaster from any Happy Valley park lives here – Fjord Flying Dragon is an absolute monster. There isn’t a great deal else to compliment this at the moment sadly, with the next most significant coaster being an S&S El Loco which, though the restraints have been infinitely improved over the original models, isn’t much to write home about in the context of this list.

I enjoyed my time here, nothing really went wrong aside from the bus to the park breaking down by the side of the road, on the hottest day I’ve ever experienced in China. There were a few closed attractions – the mine train coaster and a dark ride, but that was all par for the course in this part of the world.

#3 Happy Valley Beijing

A quick look at Crystal Wings alone will show you how Happy Valley really surpassed themselves with theming here. Beijing has by far the most consistent atmosphere, attention to detail and general good looks of all the parks in this list.

Rides: The B&M flyer might be attractive but it’s a weak layout, cloned from the USA so to me there was only one real standout attraction here and that’s the S&S air launch coaster Extreme Rusher, which is simply world class.
Since my last visit the park have added a B&M hyper, so I reckon there’s a good chance that this lineup could climb higher in the future.

I liked this park enough, once I got over the initial concern of the S&S being broken first thing in the morning, but it never truly grabbed me. The place was really lacking in things to do for a seemingly more major park than Tianjin above, in China’s capital city no less, we struggled to spend any more than half a day here.

#2 Happy Valley Chongqing

The newest of their completed parks definitely had the most polished feeling, time will tell whether that’s just because it hasn’t had long enough to degenerate yet. The main thing that thrilled me on arriving at this park is that it actually has terrain! The entrance lies at the top of a large hill and there’s just a greater sense of adventure in working your way up and down the landscape when exploring the park – everywhere else in this list is completely flat and lifeless in comparison.

Rides: And finally we reach a properly strong coaster pairing. Jungle Dragon is a fast paced GCI with a thrilling use of terrain and Flying Wing Coaster (shame about the name) is the most intense B&M wing I’ve ever experienced. I could bounce between the two all day, but it’s such a huge walk.
I haven’t really spoken about any yet because pretty much all of these at Happy Valley parks are unremarkable, but they really upped their game on the shooting dark ride here and it’s one of the best in the business.

It may have been helped by visiting straight off the back of Chengdu, but this park was a breath of fresh air for China and, not really knowing anything about it beforehand, I liked it far more than I had expected to. Everything was running as well as could be expected and I don’t even have anything negative to say for once!

#1 Happy Valley Wuhan

You know what? This is probably the ugliest park of the bunch. It’s not being helped by the dreary weather in the pictures of course and after going through this list it just looked like yet another rehash of brown water and undecorated amusements (plus obligatory tower blocks of course). I don’t even think there’s one particularly nice looking area.
But I don’t care, I loved it.

Rides: Two of the parks above had one of the best launch coasters in the world and two of them had one of the best wooden coasters in the world. This park has both of those things, and one of them duels. I couldn’t really ask for more.
There’s also a Maurer X Car, sadly a clone, which would be a worthy headliner for many smaller establishments. It was closed.
And a Maurer Skyloop, which I hate.
But I don’t care, I loved it.

I don’t exactly know why I loved this park. It came off the back of what I’d say was the three most intense days of theme parking in my life and I was absolutely buzzing. Three tasty new Gravity woodies back to back, establishing themselves as pretty much my favourite ride type. Duelling Dragon was even the weakest of those three and one of the sides wasn’t running so I got spited 1 cred AND didn’t get to experience the interaction.
OCT Thrust SSC1000 (now that’s a cool name) showed me who’s boss – the most dominant of its type, ever.
The staff were amazing here, super friendly, they just seemed so at ease compared to anywhere else in the country and that made me happy, particularly when the park itself was empty. The host of the skyloop was singing Jay Chou songs to me while simultaneously trying to round up enough guests to be able to run the ride so I could get the damn cred. Moments like that stick with me so strong, when most of the world just couldn’t care less.
I would have stayed all day, running frantically between the two and bouncing off the walls with joy but it rained in the afternoon. Usually that’s instant lockdown for China, but Wuhan bucks the trend again – I managed to get one more lap on each, in the pouring rain, before they eventually gave up. It hurt, and then we had to leave early.
But I don’t care, I loved it.


Rollercoaster Ranking – Alton Towers

As the largest theme park in the UK, Alton Towers is home to a wide variety of interesting rollercoasters. Often attempting to be leaders in ride innovation or, more recently, seekers of ‘world’s first’ claims, the ‘secret weapon’ series of installations at the park has seen both prototypes and record breakers come to life within its vast grounds. Although I seem to have grown out of visiting this park any more than necessary, I do appreciate the relative level of consistency and uniqueness across a coaster lineup of this scale.

#11 Octonauts
An inoffensive +1 with notable theming.

#10 Beastie
A surprisingly vicious +1 that can no longer be found at the park. Fear not, this ride now lives in deepest, darkest Wales.

#9 Runaway Mine Train
Although it is probably one of the stronger Mack Powered Coasters out there and a solid family favourite with ride operator interaction and multiple laps on offer, it’s a very long time since I’ve gone out of my way to ride this one and I generally skip past the whole area of the park that contains it now.
I do love it when multiple rides within a park are intertwined and their atmosphere can feed off of each other so the fast section of the layout that runs past the rapids ride in the tunnel was always my favourite moment.

#8 Spinball Whizzer/Sonic Spinball
I have had good rides on this at certain times as you can get a bit of a violent spin. There’s even an on-ride photo of me for this somewhere, of which I’d say there are less than 10 in the world from any ride so it must have meant something important at the time.
The ride is rarely worth the queue for me these days though, particularly with its poor capacity, just a bit too much of a fairground attraction for Alton Towers really.

#7 Rita – Queen of Speed/Rita
If you’re into launches, it lacks the punch of a Stealth. If you’re into coaster layouts you can really sink your teeth into (like me), Rita lacks anything else interesting as well, consisting of corners in alternate directions with uneventful hills between.
It was built in the era when launching into a corner mostly led to an awkward transition, bordering on the uncomfortable if you’re not prepared for it. It used to be an ordeal to ride when I was more susceptible to this type of thing, now it’s just there.
What I do like about this ride is the launch announcement. The half hearted ‘go, go… go’ is very representative of the ride and always brings a smile to my face.

#6 Wicker Man
The simple process of riding other wooden rollercoasters makes this ride seem weak. Couple that with the disproportionate popularity/queue times and I am often left with this question to myself: ‘why bother?’
It took us 22 years to get a new woodie in the UK and with all the technologies and manufacturers now on offer they still failed to surpass the very low bar set by the others we already have in the country.
The preshow is better than the ride experience and builds towards something that wants to lean on its theme more than its thrill, which I would be perfectly fine with if it actually made any further attempt to do that. It doesn’t. The hardware is an underwhelming experience and the ending shed is completely squandered.
Wicker Man is the worst GCI in the world, but it’s otherwise fine to ride.

#5 Air/Galactica
I know Merlin have developed a reputation for dark and dingy theming these days, but at least that’s a theme. Air had none of that, no presence, no energy. Just a prototype in a car park, by a car park. For a park that definitely errs strongly on the side of theme, I see this as significant step down.
Then it had a name change and Virtual Reality added and that of course didn’t help at all (other than the new soundtrack, which I have a strong appreciation for).
I like the build of momentum at the start of the layout with the double down style first drop and the sections where the train is swooping over grass rather than concrete are decent, but the fly to lie being the only interesting element it attempts just ends up being uncomfortable and something I’m glad they never repeated.
Air is now the worst B&M flyer in the world, but it’s otherwise fine to ride.

#4 Oblivion
When the concept worked for you, this was a great experience, I can’t deny that. Now the ride boils down to a singular decent out of your seat moment. This is the UK, so that makes a good ride by comparison.
Fear of a single element as a base concept on a ride seems almost impossible to bring about these days and I do miss that to a degree, even if it’s just by watching or experiencing it through other people. There’s a lot more out there now diluting the simple sensations that used to scare people, like just a (near) vertical drop.
Oblivion is now the worst B&M dive layout in the world, but it’s otherwise fine to ride.

#3 Thirteen
I was never subject to any of the hype and/or marketing around this ride, so the common complaint that it wasn’t what people were expecting never bothered me. The only thing that bothers me is the trim brakes on the first drop that drain it of any real significance.
It’s actually the only coaster in the park I have a soft spot for, a little bit of an emotional attachment. The drop track still kicks my ass (particularly with the teasing bounce it does before the drop) and it was potentially my first ever genuine joyous surprise moment on a ride the very first time it shot backwards in the dark.
It’s also the first time I ever saw this new era of quirky shuttle layouts and switch track sections being run at an efficient and impressive pace. Watching the track move, followed by the mini ending launch is so satisfying and I remember thinking this could become so much more. And it did.

#2 Smiler
I like the ambition behind this ride. It was made to break a record and often in this industry that leads to a lack of creativity, but I’d argue this was done in a better way than most other significant records. What came before it? Colossus. How can we do the most inversions? Let’s take that super basic sequence of inversions already out there (loop, cobra, corkscrew) and add enough rolls at the end to win.
Smiler went beyond this, the inversions are almost all different and much less commonplace – they even invented one for the ride (or is it two?) and they’re paced between other interesting features like the vertical lift. The best part of the ride, as with the previous record holder, is the surprise airtime hill between inversions, and it does this twice, and better.
Sometimes being upside down is fun too now, it’s a statement of how ride inversions have improved in general – they have a lot more variety than they used to and offer many more sensations to go with it. It doesn’t fully pull them off due to Gertslauer’s struggle with quality at the time, but the ride gives it a good go. If it was built to their current standard, we could have had a potential Nemesis beater.
As a ride it’s both long, something the UK lacks a lot (Ultimate aside) and intense to me even now, which is also hard to come by these days. I like an intensity that earns itself – if I could ever ride the Smiler several times in a visit, I suspect I may even struggle a little, but I also think I may grow to like it even more than I currently do.
Sadly the park, the queue and to a lesser degree the restraints mean that will never happen.

#1 Nemesis
The most clinically positioned ranking in the list. Yes, it used to be my favourite ride but that was before I really thought about such nonsense (deep scientific importance). I believe it says more about the quality of the other things I had done than it does about this ride.
Aside from that, it was always a professional relationship with Nemesis for me, never personal. I never fell in love with it. I enjoyed it because it was the done thing to do and I respect it. The overarching use of storytelling and intelligent integration of the hardware into the terrain set a good benchmark for many future attractions.
As a ride it’s forceful, well made, well paced and that downwards helix that introduces you to the concept of having your feet ripped off by the force of a rollercoaster is legendary. Unlike the rest of this list, Nemesis is a good example of the ride type, but it doesn’t excite me.