The worst was over and it was back to being stupidly hot for the last leg of the journey in Shanghai. I don’t envy the person in the knock off Mickey Mouse suit who camps out the bridge to the shuttle buses. Not sure if the begging for a drink was meant to be a joke or not. Day 10 – Happy Valley Shanghai
After a couple of days of cred drought, powered straight to the woodie with a fair amount of desperation. Closed for maintenance.
Alright, I’ll settle for the dive. Closed for maintenance.
Now sweating profusely, how about some Megalite action? Sign said open. Queue was open. 10 people in the queue. 10 minutes of hanging around. “Nah, the ride’s broken, go try the mine train.” Some locals began an argument with the staff about how useless the park was being at this point, which was very compelling and completely threw me. I thought they were unable to comprehend incompetence in parks out here. Stayed to watch until they all stormed out.
3 small creds were all lined up in the one section. All running. At last, some measure of success.
#1 Coastal Ant
Operator here reckoned we shouldn’t bother with this as it was a kids ride. a) Don’t care, got the cred b) Only thing open mate.
#2 Crazy Elves was yet another spinner for the trip. No change there.
#3 Family Inverted Coaster
I was disappointed to find out this was basically asking B&M to build the standard Vekoma layout, so not particularly unique. Took about half an hour to get a lap, with 1 train going ahead of us. Staff were visibly just sitting around on their arses killing time with the train already full, locked and ready to dispatch. It rode as good as the normal ones do in prime condition. Interesting to see the official nameplate gives the ride a ‘lifespan’ of 15 years.
Went to ride the mine train, as recommended by the staff earlier. Closed for maintenance.
Jumped on the Flying Island for some views of rides not running.
No spiting… if only it were true.
Spiting.
Spiting.
The dive coaster started testing while up here. There’s still hope.
Seem to be coming across a lot of these spinners that don’t spin recently.
I’d rather that sky was punctuated by an S&S right now.
But oh, they fixed it.
#4 Mega-Lite
Either this trip has broken me or they’ve broken their Megalite. Not sure what was going on, but strangely it left me a bit dry. Gave it a couple of goes to make sure. Should have been viciously intense, just wasn’t up to the usual standard.
#5 Diving Coaster
The testing came to fruition. Sat in the comfy seat for ages with a blissful breeze waiting for customers to show up.
It is what it is. Good solid fun. Huge floaty drop and some other trundlings to go with it. Trimmed a little too hard on the block brake for my liking so there was no whip into the second drop. Enjoyed it more than the Megalite on this particular day though.
Soaring Dragon was a poor flying simulator, particularly after Wuhan. No nice staff or seating area, just baking outside a warehouse with no indication of whether it was running or not. It was running, but only the back left pod instead of the middle, giving a crap view. Fire exit signs are also clearly visible through the screen. Eh.
Did the Storm Tour tracked dark ride. The excessive amount of spinning away from each scene was fun, but it was very short and underwhelming in general. A bit like my time in this park.
I had never really had issues with Happy Valley until now. This was easily the worst in terms of staff and how it was run and even the locals know it. I didn’t get to ride the main reason I came here (Gravity woodie) and the remainder of the lineup, while impressive on paper, is all just clones and a bit par for the course to me.
The weather had spited me one more time as after some interrogation at guest services, the woodie was closed because the “rain had damaged the track.” You can’t be serious. Apparently they were working on it (they weren’t) and there was a chance it would reopen the next day (it wouldn’t).
Headed off in to the city to make up for this loss.
People’s Park
#6 Gliding Dragon
Oh yes, slap the money on the counter and see the local crowds gather for a spectacle. 3 laps of poorly tracked comedy.
China’s big boy train stations are vast, usually with a couple of entrance plazas at each end and consisting of multiple separate floors for arrivals and departures. Nanjing station does have lockers. In their infinite impracticality, they are located in the departure area. So on arrival this means re-entering the station through security passport and bag checks with a valid ticket for onward travel just to get to some storage.
Good thing we do have a valid ticket for onward travel then. Took another train to Wuhu from there, for some more Fantawild fun. Then it all went horribly wrong.
The weather had been grey, but fine all morning. As soon as we got on the bus, it started raining. Game over before the day had even begun. This bus actually drops you off inside the resort, there’s a novelty. Wandered into guest services to get the lowdown. It is now 09:00, park opening time. It’s a weekend and they’re open until 18:00. They have already ruled out any possibilty of anything outdoors opening for the day, even if it stopped raining in half an hour and went back to 35°C of burning sunlight. Well at least you’re honest, unlike Nagashima Spite Land.
I know the neighbouring Dreamland park had a few dark rides that were still new to me as well as some shows that looked interesting, so considered the possibility of just doing that instead. After more conversation, turns out the Bubble Ballet was closed for renovation and the big show ‘Ashley’ was cancelled for lack of attendance. I shall bid you good day then.
I’m still pondering that chicken and egg scenario. No one turned up to these parks, absolutely no one. We got comical stares from a couple of staff that were hanging around outside that basically said ‘why the hell did you come here?’ Business just doesn’t happen, so they cut their losses. So did they learn that people don’t bother first? Or did everyone get screwed over by visiting one day and then tell everyone else in the continent ‘never again’. It seems too new of an industry here to be so clear cut. Locals must also have a sixth sense for weather. I’d been checking weather all week and found it wasnt very reliable information. Wuhan and Hefei were meant to be wrecked by thunderstorms all day on the days I was there but that turned out fine.
Back to Nanjing for more bag faff and malls. Oh well, one more day in the area to give it another shot.
Day 9
Woke up the next morning and it was still a bit miserable outside. Original plan for this day was to dust off some minor Nanjing creds in the morning and then head to Suzhou in the afternoon. Of course another reasonable chance at the Wuhu woodie had taken priority over this. Decided not to bust a gut with earliness or waste time with trains again so just made some phone calls at the point of opening.
Each of these cities are at least 100 miles away from each other, so this is how widespread the bit of rain that ruins daily life was. “Hi Fantawild, what’s the score today?” “No chance for the woodie.”
“Hi Nanjing mall park with the half indoor Vekoma motorbike, what’s the score today?” “Whole park is closed for renovation.”
“Hi Suzhou giant wheel park, what’s the score today?” “Unlikely, phone back at midday and we’ll know for sure.” Hung around until the Suzhou train. Got to Suzhou.
Phoned again. Whole place closed today. Tried and failed to appreciate the local scenery. And that was that. Frustrating.
The only event of interest arriving in Hefei was in transferring from the high speed train to the metro, where the security insisted that I demonstrating drinking one of the beverages we had just purchased from a station shop, to prove that I didn’t explode or get poisoned(?). It was a slightly surreal experience being watched like this, so I turned it into a drinks commercial by sighing “ahhhh…” with a wry smile and a thumbs up.
Mr Wanda managed to steal the show on my previous trip, so I was excited to give the next one a try. It just so happened to be the one year anniversary of the opening of this park, which meant dirt cheap entrance tickets. Like, £10 each cheap. This also made it pretty busy coupled with the fact it was back to being a weekend, but the place copes well, comparatively.
Day 7 – Hefei Wanda Theme Park
Had a great lack of caring from staff upon entering. Had our bag searched, got told outside food wasn’t allowed, then shrugged and got on with our day anyway.
The whole day was filled with a bit of cred anxiety as it was constantly threatening to rain and the staff were continuously announcing on rides that if it did, it was game over. Bit of a chicken and the egg scenario in this part of the world. Which came first? The cultural mentality being like RCT in that they don’t believe they should ride things in the rain? Or the parks convincing themselves that it is unsafe to run things with a wet track?
Due to this threat, things were done in a relative order of significance. First powered round to the headline attraction, an Intamin launch coaster. 30 minute queue. 2 trains. Good man.
#1 Soaring with Dragon
There’s a great atmosphere of tension and fear in the queue. The path dips in and out of buildings adjacent to the first parts of the layout and then the final outdoor cattle pen puts you in close proximity to the launch track. Here, the iconic Taron noise causes many a squeal of anxiety amongst the guests and the trains are being pumped out at an unprecedented rate for China.
The ride itself? What I’ve come to expect from Intamin recently. Some really, really good stuff in there, but couldn’t pull off the complete package.
Love the trains. Taron trains with a happy dragon on the front. Can’t go wrong with that. Love the launch. Taron launch with a happy dragon on the front. Can’t go wrong with that.
Love the non-inverting loop. Wonderfully floaty and you get a really strong sense of the height at which you’re doing the element.
Same praise for whatever the inversion is. Good air time hill. And now we’re turning… and we’re… turning some more. Is that another air t… oh it’s the brakes.
I’m probably being a little over critical, particularly due to the nature of this trip, but for its size, it doesn’t feel any more significant of a layout than something like Star Trek. I just wish it did a little more in the second half other than uneventful corners. It feels like they’re chucked in for the visual effect around the amazing dragon statue rather than to serve the ride experience.
Still well up there in the grand scheme of things, just found myself wanting to love it more than I actually did.
Over to those duelling tilting things.
#2 Battle of Jungle King (Dragon)
More visually impressive stuff, though not sure why all the major coasters here are yellow. Unfortunately only 1 train per side, but queue again was about 30 minutes a pop. Got the dragon side first, next to some Chinese bloke getting overly excited about his chest mounted go-pro and the fact we were front row. I feigned a bit of enthusiasm in return. Wasn’t particularly looking forward to it myself. The ridiculously elaborate seatbelt system is actually a full on chest harness underneath the restraint. Do we not trust Golden Horse yet? Bloke is told to get rid of the go-pro of course. Off we go.
Approaching the end of the tilt track is quite cool and unnatural. The actual tilt itself didn’t really feel as interesting/scary as I expected. It didn’t trigger any additional fear beyond ‘is this going to ride terribly?’
I like that they suspend both trains together to build the suspense while a staff member in the station looks up at you and counts you down with a microphone, sometimes using the classic trick of releasing it on the wrong number. (At least they have a good sense of fun. That or the ride system is faulty). Drop onwards it wasn’t particularly pleasant. Back to standard survival mode with a couple of dodgy bits of tracking. You can’t tell which train wins at the end unfortunately.
The laws of the hobby now dictate I must put up with the other side. Queued the same amount again. Asked the batching man for the tiger side. He lied to me and put me on the dragon side again. Took things into my own hands and went over to the tiger side anyway. It caused a little confusion as they only like to have one trains worth of people anywhere near the station and I was having to wait for the next train to fit on, but I stood my ground and it worked.
#3 Battle of Jungle King (Tiger)
Foolishly went for the back, the other side having been manageable and thinking it would enhance the tilt or something. Tiger side just enhances the roughness of the ride. I’m seemingly immune to the ‘worst steel coasters in the world’, but one of the more dodgy bits of tracking here delivered two successive punches to my head that were much, much more severe than I have ever experienced on a ride before. Everyone got off with visibly red ears. This helped me to laugh it off and I was fine again after 5 minutes.
Grabbed the Wacky Worm in the vicinity, rain still threatening to end the day. Love the face on this one.
#4 Worm Coaster
Wacky and proud.
Had another go on the dragon on the way past as I could lose the chance for re-rides at any second.
Then completed the set by grabbing the spinner on the other side of the park.
#5 Crazy Jars
Not crazy enough.
Ferris wheel had an hour queue. Skip.
Stumbled upon Submarine Simulator, a dark ride that I didn’t know existed. It had a bit of a preshow, then as the name suggests a simulator about exploration of some lost relics in a submarine. Not bad, but enjoyed the Korean cartoons on the queueline TVs more. I want to say it’s a sign of Wanda parks stepping up their dark ride game, but there’s always a ‘movie park’ in the mall next to the theme park that makes all the hardware exist in separate entities. Combine the 2, man.
Time for one final ride on the dragon, with it starting to rain mid queue. Again, they impressed me by soldiering on long enough to allow me a go in some quite painful rain. Better than Nagashima Spite Land.
FAILED to avoid a samba for the first time this year and got caught in a mass of people trying and failing to get out of the place due to the rain, just as the parade decided to rock up in the opposite direction. Couldn’t really see much over a million umbrellas, but it contained dragons, fire and attractive women, so good enough.
It was game over with the rides. They were planning to have a fountain/music/firework celebration show at about 20:00 with the possibility of any of those things being forfeited due to weather. I admire the commitment of the locals, who had already begun staking out spots in their masses with well over 3 hours of waiting ahead of them. Decided not to join them, as it was far too long a wait with nothing to do.
Yet another high speed train took us down to Wuhan from Zhengzhou. The next morning we managed to find a regular bus that conveniently stopped directly outside the hotel and went to the park of the day.
This all seems somewhat familiar. They were doing a hard sell on golf buggy rental at the entrance today, because it was hot and the “park was big”. Speed wasn’t really required, however, with the staggered ride openings and lack of guests around. I’d quite like to give one a go some day to add some extra comedy to a cred run, but it’s crazily expensive (comparable to the entrance ticket) even in a country where you expect to feel well off. Add it to the bucket list.
Day 6 – Happy Valley Wuhan
#1 Monte Carlo Racetrack
Oh good, another mine train clone. That makes 4 this week. At least we’ve managed to pull off a different theme on each one.
#2 OCT Thrust SSC1000
I’ll take this clone any day though. Another dose of S&S launched magnificence. With a fresh comparison, I think I’ve settled on preferring this layout over Beijing’s.
It’s just a more fluid sequence of elements, each one has full purpose and brutalises you with maximum efficiency.
It rode better than Bullet Coaster, but isn’t quite as nice to look at, so that’s a harder one to call.
Never found a dark ride I was looking for. Most staff didn’t remember it, one had a vague recollection of it being in the ‘desert area’, but the only building there contains an upcharge ice house (ain’t no Harbin), so I assume it’s gone.
#3 Dauling Dragon (Blue)
On to the next woodie of the week. I was half expecting it, so wasn’t massively put out by the fact they were only running one side. The red side was in ‘maintenance’ all day. But one non-duelling dragon is better than no duelling dragon.
This was good. Probably the weakest Gravity woodie of the week, but that’s not saying much as it had been an incredible week so far, it’s still well up there in the grand scheme of things. I think the duelling aspect could have elevated it slightly more, but it’s still fun to watch the way the tracks cross over each other. The first drop of the other side looked more interesting with its weird s-bend and overlapping of the blue drop.
The highfive element was cool, but not as killer as the antisocial highfive from the previous day. It had some very good moments throughout, but the train runs out of steam a bit towards the end.
Woodies and locals anecdote 4: Had one particularly hilarious run in which every single person on the train around me was doing the weird ‘head bowed can’t cope with the forces’ thing again and one man appeared to completely pass out for the duration of the ride. It certainly kicked his arse.
#4 Hidden Anaconda
Opposite issue with the Skyloop here, not enough people wanted to go on it. The staff were amazing and managed to rally enough guests with their microphones so that there were enough numbers to run it for me, all while singing along to Jay Chou songs.
Got lucky again with that splash timing.
Chinese Formule X was spiting. Bit disappointed as it was my favourite Xcar layout at the time, but at least it wasn’t the star attractions. It’s amazing to think that a ride of that quality is way down the pecking order in this park’s lineup.
This here be a ‘pirate themed walkthrough’. Except that it isn’t. It starts off with a single pirate figure at a ship’s wheel. Then there’s an abandoned minivan. Then it’s pretty much the same nonsense as all the other haunted walkthroughs. What makes this weirder is that they also have a generic looking haunted walkthrough just around the corner. Didn’t bother with that.
Overflying Yangtze is a flying simulator. Quite liked this one. It had a good waiting area, was completely empty so only running the middle car for maximum immersion, and there was mildly interesting scenery to look at. With dragons.
Every park is made better by dinosaurs. Except Fantawild Adventure.
It started to rain a little around mid afternoon, the first time the weather had shown any sign of change from maximum sun spite. The park respectably soldiered on for a good while longer and I managed to grab a final lap on both Dauling Dragon and OCT Thrust in the rain before it got too heavy and they all threw in the towel for the day. Better than Nagashima Spite Land.
Had a good time here overall. They’ve potentially got the best coaster lineup in the chain, if they actually had it all running. It does however lack a lot in impressive theming compared to the others parks.
The rain ruined any plans of mopping up creds in the city that afternoon, so resorted to enjoying the ‘local sights’ around some malls.
Quite quickly. A day of infinite impracticalities. Luggage was in tow here due to high speed train spite. The morning train out of this city had been fully booked months in advance so it had to be an in and out in a day job, with no hotel. Further spite at the station with 3 different people telling us 3 different places for luggage storage there. None of them came to fruition and the one that was actually signposted and on the maps had partition walls around it. Better lug it to the park then.
The bus in the arrival direction for the park dumped us directly opposite the entrance plaza, but there is a catch in that there is a dual carriageway to cross and a high fence stopping you from doing so. It looked to be a good mile walk in either direction through the so far unrelentingly scorching weather to get around this problem. 1 local couple got off here with us and were equally flummouxed by the situation, so no help there.
This particular impracticality has generated some thriving business in the form of a hoard of tuk tuks and drivers that all swarm you once you steo iff the bus and offer to take you around. After distancing ourselves from that lot and assessing the situtation, we eventually teamed up with the couple and selected a reasonably friendly looking old lady to drive us in a tuk tuk. All crammed in on folding seats, luggage loosely sliding across the roof, we set off. All the way down the road, around the fence and all the way back again. Arriving in style.
Got dropped off at the car park barriers straight into the usual flock of “theme parks = water, so buy a poncho, 5 bucks here, 10 inside” people. Swatting them away with a couple of heavy suitcases, we powered into the premises. Almost there right?
After another huge walk, yes. The entrance area and plaza is stupidly massive of course. There’s 2 parks here. Adventure on the right, Dreamland on the left. Tourist centre in the middle. Tourist centre won’t take the bags, have to store them inside the parks. Fine. Ticket office. “2 parks, 1 day please.” “We shut at 5 today, you sure?” “Easy mate. Can we get into one park more than once with this ticket, you know, for the bags?” “Single entry only.” Fine… Turnstyles.
Day 5 – Fantawild Adventure Zhengzhou
Particularly glad this was the only place in China they weren’t actually bothering with bag scanning. Thumbprints and signatures on the multi ticket faff. “Can we get into the park more than once, you know, for the bags?” “Single entry only.” Fine… Internal tourist centre. “Need to store these bags please.” Signatures, phone numbers and wristband faff. Taken round to a locker. “Won’t all fit in there mate.” “I see.” Signatures, phone numbers and wristband faff. 2 lockers. “Can we get back into the park later, you know, for the bags?” “Single entry only.” Fine… bastards.
After all that massive waste of time, the plan was to hit the Adventure park hard and fast as it’s full of crap creds and low end dark rides, then spend a decent amount of time at the decent park next door.
Dino Rampage was first. Another spiderman system, but Fantawild’s first attempt at replicating it. Not sure if it was just the mood I was in, maybe I like dinosaurs too much and don’t like when they have to start shooting in Jurassic Park, but this ride really annoyed me. I guess I was expecting a happy go lucky encounter with some dinosaurs gone a bit wild in a museum, but it was actually very graphic and rather disturbing.
I didn’t expect to watch the army go nuts on a T-rex with machine guns while it picks up a car in it’s mouth and throws it at them. I didn’t expect to see that long neck dinosaur (the plant eater) to be eating people whole before getting a grenade in the mouth and its head blown off. I didn’t expect to see a pterosaur crashing a helicopter into a skyscraper and men plunging to their deaths. Looking back, it’s totally hilarious. At the time it was just all kinds of no.
#1 Mount Tanggula
Oh good, the next mine train clone, with terrible operations. At least the scenery was different.
#2 Stress Express
Oh good, a Skyloop AND a Boomerang. Interesting rides AND throughput machines. The Skyloop had about 60 people in the queue. My immediate response was NOPE, gonna be at least 2 hours of the day gone. Got straight into the next batch of Boomerang candidates instead. Stress Express is right.
Hope the cat was enjoying life more. Doesn’t look like it.
Maus au Chocolat eat your heart out. Or not. Today Space Warrior showed how to suck all the fun out of shooting balloons? at gophers? I forget the details, but it’s all a little too open plan with no atmostphere in that you can see the size of the warehouse it’s housed in and each of the many, many upcoming walls of screens that you’ll have to suffer as you go around.
Well that was enough of that place. I left without even finishing the creds and it bothered me to no end that the park was so stupidly popular in comparison to next door and by far the busiest weekday of the trip. Why…
As none of the Adventure parks have interesting creds, I’d be quite happy to never touch one again.
“You sure we can’t c..?” “Single entry.” Fine… Dreamland, luggage in tow again.
Fantawild Dreamland Zhengzhou
Second internal tourist centre. “Need to store this luggage please.” “1 locker?” “No, 2. We just came from the other park and we needed 2.” “1 should do.” “Seriously, it won’t.” Signatures, phone numbers and wristband faff. Taken round to a locker to prove the point. “Won’t all fit in there mate.” “I see.” Signatures, phone numbers and wristband faff. 2 lockers. “Told you.”
And breathe…
After what might have been the most stressful morning I’ve ever had in this hobby, it turns out I really liked this park. A lot. Totally the right decision to ditch the Skyloop.
#3 Jungle Trailblazer (Zhengzhou)
If only for the amount of time I got to spend with this beast. So many things I love about this thing. Firstly, the way that shot of the first drop is framed perfectly from the station. Sitting down in the train looking at that drop. “Oh no.”
Woodies and locals anecdote 3: Several locals of a middling age got into the train on my first go. After a lengthy discussion with the attendants about the nature of the ride and an assessment of their surroundings (that framing) they all began shouting hysterically words to the effect of “I ain’t doing that” and promptly got back out of the train and left the station. I didn’t even question how they got this far in the first place without realising, but I found myself willing them to just give it a go. There wouldn’t be sick this time, there would be blood.
Sitting contently in the back, I’m specifically told to hold on to the restraint by a timid ride host. I oblige, politely. If you say so. Oh no, you do have to hold on. Again, I didn’t know the features of these woodies coming into the trip, so this one just blew me away.
The entry to that drop ain’t straight. Because of this, the ride tries to get rid of you immediately at a 45° angle. Back seat instantly became one of my all time favourite first drops. You then fly past the station over the smallest hill to ever follow a first drop. The ride staff were really lovely on this and are just standing there waving at me. I want to wave back but I’m too busy trying to process the insanity.
<3 Anti-social highfive element. Really aggressive whip in and out of those.
Proper corner.
Rounded off by many crazy hills of all shapes and sizes. It may be slightly shorter, but it’s full of pure unfiltered relentlessness. Best ride of the trip, one of the best in the world.
Still broken from that experience, staggered over to Dragon King’s Tale next.
It runs an actual preshow, unlike so many other Fantawild rides that feel like they should. Following that you walk through a cool tunnel with water shooting around it. Then I almost fall over because it’s wet and slippery. I was warned by a sign. The actual ride is a big boat taking you around various scenes and screens.
Oh no, the city is flooded and the (supposedly meant to be a boy, but I’ll maintain it’s a girl) has to ask the Dragon King to fix things. Dragon King is a bit of an ass and refuses for a while, but after some persuasion through few action sequences, including real FIRE, he sorts it in the end. Liked this a lot.
#4 Galaxy Express
Ticked off the SFC. Orkanen is a great ride and this is the best supporting coaster in any of their parks, but just a +1 today.
Qin Dynasty Adventure.
In my best film trailer voice: “Things take an unexpected turn when an archaelogical dig at the Terracotta Army uncovers something more sinister.” I started off liking the vehicles for this as they have quite a punchy acceleration between scenes and they bank the wrong way on corners to exaggerate things. Then it goes up hills and does fake juddery drops and I wish they just called Premier and made it a cred. Thoroughly enjoyed the theme and everything that was happening around me.
We use the term academy loosely here at Wizards Academy. Yet another spiderman ride. The wizard is an ass and says you shouldn’t have come. He then proceeds to send many large mythical creatures to attack you, chucking in a few of his own spells as well. Those are the lessons. You survive. You get a certificate from the academy. Well done. Again I liked it a lot.
So that’s 3 really good dark rides that were new to me. They’ve also got Jinshan Temple Showdown (world class) and Devil’s Peak (very good). They’ve got the best coaster lineup in the chain. They’re really outdoing themselves here. I’ve seen less than 10 guests here and everyone is in the bloody Adventure park.
There were a lot of references around to the fact that a Chinese version of famous Korean TV show ‘Running Man’ had visited this park.
Yes we do.
The shot tower here was laughably weak, but you take a lift to the top and there’s some great views of the 2 parks up there. No cameras allowed sadly.
Re-rode the woodie until I couldn’t handle it, or how lovely the ride staff were, any longer. Then called it a day.
Bit of a love/hate thing going on here with Fantawild.
After Ningbo was one of the worst things ever to happen, it was time to make my peace with the Fantawild franchise.
Day 4 – Oriental Heritage Jinan
Decided to clear the air straight away and actually get on a Jungle Trailblazer this time.
#1 Jungle Trailblazer (Jinan)
I didn’t love this as much as the previous day’s Gravity woodie offering, but it’s still a very good ride. My favourite part was the series of tiny hills straight out of the corkscrew that just keep on delivering.
Stuff like the inversion and the overbank didn’t really add anything to the experience for me. Being particularly picky, it felt a bit more clinical, less out of control and wasn’t as well paced as I would have liked.
Woodies and locals anecdote 2: Upon my first arrival at the station, the train was just pulling in with 2 blokes on it. One of them had been sick mid ride. It certainly kicked his arse.
#2 Night Rescue
The creds are all next to each other in this park which would help if you’re in a hurry. I sort of was, but that would change later.
Oh good, the next mine train clone of the trip. Either I zoned out my previous Night Rescue while in a bad mood, or this one had more theming towards the end including a screen with a big demon face. We still didn’t catch what it was about. Tunnels of thorny trees, more screams of the damned, it makes it quite interesting. Just cheap hardware.
#3 Stress Express
Oh good, the next Boomerang of the trip. Vests seemed more shoulder crushing than usual to me, perhaps adjusted to Asian sizes? Ride was manageable.
The new to me dark ride that I knew I needed here was Devil’s Peak. It’s inspired by Universal’s Harry Potter ride robot arm system, but all slowed down a good 10x so there’s no ridiculous rushing through an incoherent amount of scenes, though it feels a lot more awkward in the movements. It has more of an actual story, being about the Monkey King scaling a big mountain, fighting that golden dragon and a big ass lava bloke (part of Journey to the West). I want to say it’s better, but I’m not convinced yet. There’s also a cheapness to some of the physical sets and moments like “although this a completely different theme, those skeletons in cloaks we just bounced past look a little too much like Dementors”. But that’s not to say there isn’t a cheapness to Universal’s lack of fresh storytelling and bad screen animations of Potter waving on a broom. I’m torn.
Gave Bridge to Love a go on the way round as it was starting the very second we got to it. This story is a Chinese tale called the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl – exaggerated for visual effect. It takes place in a moving theatre with screens round the walls and on the ceiling. I quite liked it, mostly for the fact that it’s a relaxing sit down.
I had provisionally factored in rushing this park and heading over to Quancheng Euro Park in the afternoon so at this point headed over to guest services for a second opinion. The lovely lady there did some research herself and concluded it was either triple bus faff or a taxi, the taxi being strongly not recommended personally by her, as apparently they’re all dodgy people between the two parks.
Grabbed a bite to eat and mulled it over, deciding not to bother in the end due to a combination of possible struggles to get back again from there and the fact I’d temporarily put myself off of cred runs over the last few days. Would rather just spend a relaxing day at a decent park right now.
So.
I liked Legend of Nuwa before. Gave it another go. Seem to recall the 3D on this being some of the most striking I’d seen in a long time, but it didn’t stand out as much on this occasion. Still an impressive Spiderman style ride. Glad to help the magic woman with the whip any time.
The indoor queue areas in these parks are ridiculously elaborate in both theming and length. Sometimes it seems like there should be a preshow or something, but it all gets skipped.
It was a busy day.
These queue boards have the ability to go up to 4 hours. I’d leave immediately. This was outside the rapids, which despite having a fancy name and description on the map is unthemed and a total waste of time, not sure why the standards slipped there.
More of this? Why not.
Finally coming round to the feel of these places. When it’s quiet and it looks this good, it’s hard not to.
Just pumping out fog for the aesthetic.
Fun fact: It’s actually Jungle Flying Dragon in Chinese, rather than Trailblazer. They do love their dragons.
The history of China. Skip. Much prefer the legends and fairytales.
Hanging around also meant we could catch this once a day show.
Some clever stuff going on with various set pieces like these doors and some bricks on wires. The story is a confusing blend of the original and a ‘modern day’ Legend of Lady Meng Jiang. Her husband is forced into slave building the great wall, he dies and then her tears make the wall fall down. But then he wasn’t dead in the modern half. Or it was symbolic. Or something.
There’s people in that hedge. They all waved.
The woodie grew on a me a little over the course of the day. Seemed to get a little less rattly during the bits when it wasn’t doing much, as it ‘warmed up’.
Alright Fantawild, you’re forgiven for now. When your attractions are actually running and the park isn’t full of undesirables, it is possible to have a great day at a park like this.
I believe this was the hottest day of the trip. The bus to the park couldn’t make up it’s mind whether it was 38°C or 54°C. Then it broke down and we got abandoned at the side of the road for 20 minutes, not ideal.
Day 3 – Happy Valley Tianjin
Could be worse.
Mercifully half of this park is indoors, so there were at least moments I could save myself from bursting into flames.
#1 Mini Coaster
Started strong with this Zamperla speedy coaster.
Then couldn’t wait any longer for the Gravity woodie.
#2 Fjord Flying Dragon
Well this was absolutely brilliant. A near perfect amount of being thrown about in every direction. Not too rough, just violent enough to give you plenty to think about. Exactly how I like it.
I didn’t look into any of the wooden coasters on this trip in any detail, so didn’t know any of the layouts or their key features. This one definitely exceeded my expectations and is just full of both straight hills and twisty hills of all shapes and sizes that deliver a ton of fun.
Woodies and locals anecdote 1: After the first ride, a man ever so casually walks up to the staff and asks where there is a bin. She points behind and he ever so casually wanders over to it and proceeds to throw up into it. It certainly kicked his arse.
Disappointed that this tower ride was closed. I wanted it to be better than Mystery Castle.
Did the haunted walkthrough next to it instead and it was a vast improvement over the Beijing shambles. Back in business with the classic humour and not particularly scary-ness.
4D Xmas Adventure Ride with Santa getting up to all sorts of mischief is pretty good, as long as you notice the 3D is broken and take your glasses off again.
Back inside for a bit.
Ex-spite-dition of Volcano. Closed for the day.
My reaction.
#3 Crazy Bird
I’ve lived through the Joyland Skyloop, so this is nothing in comparison, but I feel like the tale should to be shared.
They were running their El Loco with 3 cars. The station platform has space to hold 3 cars, but they are only able to onload and offload the front 2 cars. If you are in the 2nd car that gets despatched you end up sitting in the ride, in the station, having completed your circuit, for the entirety of the following sequence: Car 1 offloads people at the front of the station. These people clamber out and gather their belongings in the usual faffy fashion. Car 2 offloads people at the front of the station. These people clamber out and gather their belongings in the usual faffy fashion. As with most of China, you are prevented from leaving the station area until a check has been made by the staff that everyone is out of their train and has taken their items, which often ends in an awkward encounter if you’re out of the train in 5 seconds like a normal person and are left standing and staring at the staff for at least a minute waiting to leave. 8 people leave. Open the gate for 4 people. Let them clamber across the 1st car, sort out their loose items, sit down, seatbelt on, seatbelt check, restraint down and restraint check. Open the gate for 4 more people. Let them clamber across the 2nd car, sort out their loose items, sit down, seatbelt on, seatbelt check, restraint down and restraint check. Dispatch 2 cars. Car 1 takes the circuit straight away, car 2 stops just outside the station until car 1 has cleared the first block of the layout. Once car 2 pulls away, car 3 which has been sitting in the station with people in it this whole time can move to the front of the station and offload. Make sense? Of course I was the 2nd car to be despatched.
Fortunately this version has only a lap bar and not the Slammer/Mumbo Junbo restraints so it was comfortable to sit stuck for a good 10 minutes. Obviously the restraints also made the ride a fair amount better than I’m used to and it was exceptionally smooth, so a pretty good experience overall with their characteristic wacky inversions, corners and drops.
Mario has got the El Loco cred.
Some other shooting dark ride I wanted (Bavarian Animal Rescue?) was also closed today. Headed back outside for a few more laps on Fjord instead.
Plucked up the courage to give the final go a hands up, which would normally be very easy me. This one of those rides where you really don’t feel you should and then get somewhat tenderised by various parts of the train and lap bar as a result. In a good way.
The viking area is rather nice.
Quite a nice park overall really, just the amount of closures of secondary rides meant there was little else to fill the day with other than sitting in the comfy woodie train, waiting for customers to arrive. It would be good to see this one get an expansion to the coaster lineup like some of the other Happy Valleys are currently going through (the first parks in China to really see anything like this). Hopefully it can get some better transport links to keep up with the others as well.
Satisfied, went back to the station for a look around.
Tianjin has a rather posh appearance in the middle. Not so much as you head outwards.
The journey to this park was one of the most straight forward I’ve encounted in China, it’s usually an adventure in itself. An easy metro ride and a quick stroll can get you to:
Day 2 – Happy Valley Beijing
Yeah. That good stuff.
As is often the case in this country, I had a minor mental breakdown upon entering the park and immediately being told Extreme Rusher was broken. A quick walk-by showed there was a train on the launch track and engineers were doing something to it. There was still hope.
Headed over to the B&M flyer in the meantime.
#1 Crystal Wings
Well this was alright at best, though visually very impressive. Starts off well with the pretzel. Pretzel is good. And now we’re turning… and we’re… turning some more. Corner after corner and I find myself willing it to do something else. Oh good an inline? Brakes. Gave it a second go in the back just to be sure. I guess you just can’t compete now Flying Dinosaur is on the scene. Highlight: The start. Lowlight: The rest.
#2 Jungle Racing
Became reacquainted with the Vekoma Mine Train. Jungle Racing without the racing. They would never run two together. Highlight: Nicely themed. Lowlight: Only about 10 more of these to come on the trip.
Have to give a special mention to the visuals in this place.
Troy!
Spent a good while milling around, waiting for the SLC that had a later opening time.
Did a haunted walkthrough as they’re usually a laugh. This one was simply awful with 90% of the effects and lighting broken and a constant announcement being played over the speakers instead of ambient spooky stuff. Wait…
The thunderous boom of an S&S air launch venting echoes across the park. Oh, that noise is so good. You fixed it boys.
#3 Extreme Rusher
I already have much love for Bullet Coaster so was particularly looking forward to trying the other layout. It didn’t disappoint. For Happy Valley they were hauling arse on operations. A significant amount of people (for this trip) had also rushed into the queue, but despatches were every 4 or 5 minutes over Shenzhen’s 20 minutes. They still wanted everyone to do exercises before you board though. To be fair the locals probably need it as the ride is such an intense experience from start to finish. Sitting on the launch still puts the fear back in me, which is rare these days. It has a great mix of extremes throughout – the best acceleration money can buy, crushing twists and turns, crazy and weird air time and a brutal snap into the brakes that you really have to defend yourself against.
That wonky hill at the end is fantastic, a very unusual sensation of lateral ejection. This made me seriously question whether it’s the better of the 2 layouts. We’ll soon see. Highlight: All of it Lowlight: Cred anxiety
#4 Golden Wings in Snowfield
Well this thing is finally open. Completely zoned it out and didn’t even notice the rare bonus helix in the layout. It did that same weird forward and back pumping motion that I’ve felt on a few recently, but SLCs haven’t given me any grief for a couple of years now. Highlight: Good views on the lift Lowlight: Queue was a good 5 mile walk. Far too much effort.
Jumped on the flying island for some more good views.
Queues dwindled quickly on Extreme Rusher so rode it until satisfied (the queues were a bit much) before heading out earlier than anticipated, looking for something else to do.
This lurks just across the road. Don’t want to be reminded of home just yet.
Sun Park
Figured we still had time for a quick stop off here.
Started off a bit confused, but eventually figured out it was a Chinese Prater. There were several women hanging around brandishing leaflets of the rides they could sell you as well as deals for multiple tickets. None of the leaflets contained any creds so they were politely declined. The trick is to find the nearest ticket huts to each ride you want and hope: a) There is someone in it (usually watching Naruto on their phone) b) They have creds on their sign c) They aren’t doing ‘maintenance’
There’s one.
#5 Roller Coaster
That baby may have been stolen, but is also thinking ‘one day’. At last something properly sketchy to try out. The way the train rocked back and forth at a 45 degree angle to the track while going up the lift created a fair amount of trepidation. Once it got going it was surprisingly fine. Just doesn’t handle well at slower speeds it seems. Highlight: A proper cultural experience Lowlight: I think I wanted it to be worse
Things got a bit hectic after that. Although the ‘amusements’ were meant to be open until 17:30, ticket sales stopped at 16:00… It was now 15:50. Time to sprint around and try and catch as much as possible. It was very tempting to hijack someone’s golf buggy to help with this.
The motorbike, the rainbow children coaster, the mine train and the jungle mouse were all down for ‘maintenance’.
Managed to catch the Golden Horse spinner, #6 Spinning Coaster Highlight: +1 Lowlight: Almost came to a standstill on all the final blocks. No time for that.
The Beijing Jiuhua Amusement Rides Manufacturing Co., Ltd. spinner, #7 Crazy Skateboard Highlight: +1 Lowlight: They kept trying to get me on things that weren’t creds. No time for that.
The powered coaster, #8 Space Scooter Highlight: +1 Lowlight: Too many laps. No time for that.
And finally the Zhongshan Jinbo Recreation Equipment Co. spinner, #9 Jungle Block. With a height difference of no more than 10ft, best ride in the park. Highlight: The operator excitedly shouts “WE’VE GOT CUSTOMERS” and two of the nearby staff girls decided to join us for a ride. Lowlight: They’re onto us. Apparently “westerners love this ride.”
Suppose it would be rude not to pay this thing a visit. Getting there under your own steam is surprisingly easy, even though all the tour websites would have you believe it’s impossible to do and you should pay £200 a head for a personal driver.
How do we get up the top? By cred of course.
#1 Sliding Car
This unusual contraption runs a long chain of alpine coaster cars up to the top, at which you get off and do your thing. The other half comes later.
It’s only about 8am at this stage and I could already feel myself burning alive. Turns out it was going to be 1000 degrees for most of this trip. Views were nice though. Making this is an incomprehensible feat.
For the second half of the ride you get back on the long chain of cars and go racing back down the mountain at intense speeds, with a staff member barely controlling the brakes at the very front. All that green sheltering really messes with your eyes.
On to more important things.
Beijing Spitingshan Amusement Park
This place has become a graveyard of rides. Most of what I expected wasn’t even there. It was one of the busiest parks of the trip for guest numbers, so not sure what the deal is.
One of those parks you’ll probably see an online news artical about Disney causing a fuss over copyright. All I know is they play a lot of Roller Coaster Tycoon – maps cost 20p in this park.
#2 Mine Coaster
Started out with a quality mine train. They should be proud of this one, look at that overgrowth.
Highlight: It actually still exists. Lowlight: Huge deadly hornet creatures tried to stop me getting on it.
#3 Atomic Coaster
This locally built looping coaster was fine. Everyone else in the train was doing a weird uncomfortable bowing of their head stance, probably thinking ‘I cant handle this ride’ while I’m just thinking ‘good little sit down’. That baby is blatantly thinking ‘one day’.
Highlight: It actually still exists. Lowlight: The plague of offensively elaborate seatbelts on rides returns to my life.
The SLC still stands but was broken. Disappointed, the fact that it’s a Chinese prototype makes me want it so much more. That and the sign says it’s world class.
We then found what I had labelled on my paperwork as ‘rabbit with a gun shooting dark ride‘. Same ride system as the Everland one? That probably doesn’t help anyone. I still don’t know the name. Was actually not too bad for this park, had a bit of length to it and was reasonable fun. I got the highest score in Asia as always.
That was the park. Everything else was apparently missing in action. For a laugh we asked someone in the ticket booth directly underneath where a spinning coaster used to stand where said ride had gone. In typical fashion they acted like they knew what they were talking about and said it was the other side of the looper. It wasn’t. Half the supports still remain above their head.
That was all rather uneventful, so we went to queue with 1000 people sweating profusely to get through security gates and see this thing.
Pretty much this x10. Started out impressive, but got rather repetetive.
Quaint. Fortunately you can’t tell the fact that Taron queueline levels of chainsmoking was going on directly behind me. Stupid tourist things.
Back to Shenzhen for the final day and Wood Coaster has decided to evade me for a second time by being under maintenance.
Against better judgment, we went for a revisit to Happy Valley instead. The gate price has increased significantly and the ride lineup has been slashed since my last visit due to the huge construction site that is swallowing up the park. All for a Pulsar clone. I forgot at the time but the 1 cred I was missing from this park, the mine train, was in the middle of the construction site, so nothing to be gained today. Spite. The site really takes up a big chunk of the park and is poorly signposted/not advertised outside the park or on maps. To avoid it, a particularly arduous walk around the half of the park with nothing in it is required.
30 mins of walking later, arrived at the entrance of an old friend.
The first train had been loaded, but about 19 members of staff were walking up and down the train staring in a befuddled fashion at the back of each row where all the restraint lights are.
This went on for around 15 minutes with them setting and resetting bars before they decided it wasnt going to be a quick fix. The train was emptied and the queue evacuated.
Well that’s this park finished for me. Mega-Lite went to do the SLC while I sat on the bench thinking of the million better things I could be doing with my time right now.
Went to go do the worm. Empty Bullet launch noise.
Went to sit outside Bullet for an hour. Various stories about a quick fix and should be opening soon.
Went to go do the worm. Did the shooting Santa dark ride. A shell of its former self. Disgusting.
Went to sit outside Bullet for an hour. Eventually opened.
Bullet Coaster
Got 3 laps in in quick succession. Once again wish I hadn’t bothered coming. It was riding a bit crap and as a result, my original memories of how good this used to be have been tainted. It has now lost the tied spot with its twin OCT Thrust SSC1000 on my list.
Crappy Valley Shenzhen has also become the worst in the chain for me.
