China 01/17 – Nanchang Wanda Theme Park

Our next destination was the city of Nanchang. I spoke of getting the lay of the land on the previous day and ended up going through a particulaly interesting bout of research to organise our stop here. The park itself is very new and several western brand ‘resort hotels’ had just begun springing up around it. As with the Guangzhou hotel, their pinpointing on the maps was somewhat misguided, though this time much less in their favour.
The one I was most interested in, though it was named after the Wanda resort, had itself positioned right in the heart of the city and nowhere near the park, which I could tell from sattelite images of mud and rollercoaster track was situated well out to the south. After several email exchanges they eventually confirmed that they were on park, which is exactly where I wanted to be of course and the maps were updated accordingly. Consider that my contribution to the world for that year.

Day 3 – Nanchang Wanda Theme Park

So it felt like I moved the earth to get to this place and it was quite the experience for it. Encountered 2 people on the way up to the entrance. 1 trying to sell us ponchos, the other trying to sell cheap tickets. That was more people than there were inside the park.
I’m no stranger to dead parks but this was in another league. Staff at each ride entrance were overly happy to see another human being and would regularly entice you to have a go on theirs.

Well, if you insist.

What an animal. I’ve always enjoyed my GCIs but have never been blown away by them. Generally I preferred the smaller ones for their pacing and layout. Well no more.
The signature relentlessness of this style of wooden coaster is cranked up to the max and the layout works ridiculously well. Other than the tall turnaround which from the size looks like it shouldn’t even work, the train feels like it just keeps finding speed out of nowhere and chucking you down another 50ft every few seconds.
Some rides try to kill you and you love them for it. Some rides try to remove your clothes and you have no choice but to oblige. Some rides have you laughing uncontrollably out of sheer joy. This snake did all of that, morning and evening, in rain and in more rain.
According to the staff, as they were getting all nervous, Mr Wanda himself (or just a park manager) rocked up at some point and rode this too while I was mid-marathon. Sadly he seemed unphased by my presence.
Highlight: Standout ride of the trip.
Lowlight: Can’t get a good picture of it.

The Intamin hyper with the very strange lift and turnaround shaping was begging for some attention next. It was another very good ride and I enjoyed it a lot, but it wasn’t quite the game changer I was hoping for. You’d think they’d be able to nail a ride like this by now, 15 years after various legendary names came into play, but the layout still has its flaws.

The air time on the first and last hill, both of which pass through the supports and try to cut your hands off, was unearthly. I found the rest of the hills were somewhat underwhelming in comparison and there was a little too much meandering about, burning speed for my liking.

I don’t wish to do this creation a disservice though, it’s still amazing. The python across the park had set my sights on perfection, so I was being particularly fussy. I only ever experienced the ride in the front row with an empty train, in cold weather. From what I’ve learnt about many Intamins, given the right conditions and sitting in the back row, that monster of a first drop has the potential to be something really special to add to the whole sequence. I still currently consider this the strongest pair of coasters in any single park on the planet.

Highlight: Who doesn’t want an Intamin hyper all to themselves?
Lowlight: First time I’ve felt my face wobble from speed and that ain’t a good sign.

The Beijing Shibaolai Amusement Equipment attempt at an SLC was a bit crap. It’s nice to try a new layout for once, but it doesn’t solve much over the originals in terms of how poorly they ride and the mediocrity of the coaster experience.
Highlights: The station audio system was playing Kpop.
Lowlights: Not being able to take comfort in the fact that someone else on the train would be suffering more than myself.

A standard layout spinner, I believe Chinese manufactured. These things are unpleasant at best, but it is my duty to put up with them.
Highlight: Love the porcelan look of the exterior of the cars.
Lowlight: Loathe the interior of the cars with their unnecessary seatbelts.

The final Caterpillar cred – Spite! Legend tells us that it needs a full train of guests to operate. I’m so surprised I got everything else here. I really am.

The staff girl at the Roto-drop tower was particularly adorable, skipping along the queue with me and chatting away, purely from the excitement of having a customer for the day. It’s good to know that my presence brings such joy to others.
The ride itself didn’t pack as much punch as I would have expected from its type. Maybe it was 40 people short.

Haunted Kiln walkthrough attraction didn’t disappoint. Does what it says on the tin and made me laugh many times. Success.

There is something quite magical about having all these big expensive toys to play with, but as the day wears on it does start to feel like something in the atmosphere is lacking.
I’m extremely glad that (nearly) everything was all open, despite terrible weather and zero attendance and with the world class quality of the headline attractions here I look forward to experiencing what else Mr Wanda brings to the table.

Day 4

China 01/17 – Chimelong Paradise

Having made a name for themselves the previous day, this Chimelong was a bit of a step down in quality. The amusements definitely are the primary focus here and I’m sure it satisfies the locals as a well-equipped park with a highly thrill based orientation. It just hurts me personally that every cred here can also be experienced somewhere else in the world.

Day 2 – Chimelong Paradise

I remember a stupid online news article about this ‘deathtrap park in China with messed up rides you won’t believe’. It was this park and I probably shouted at the screen for their ignorance and clickbait, knowing every one of those rides existed elsewhere before this park did.
(Nothing wrong with the place really, first-world problems).

This big B&M couldn’t really fail to be good. Predictable and solid fun. The train was never full and I had good picks on various seats to make the most of it. The massive drop is great at kicking you out of your chair for a good few seconds and the intimidation factor to other riders at the top is always amusing.
Highlight: The brakes before the second major drop didn’t slow the train at all, allowing it to throw itself into the sweet mist of the tunnel below in a powerful fashion.
Lowlight: Sweet pollution at 200ft.

The Vekoma motocoaster couldn’t really fail to be bad. I just can’t get on with the seating position on these rides, as it makes for such mild discomfort the moment I climb aboard. Every hill and turn was filled with the thought ‘why?’
Highlight: Local guest glued to their phone choosing not to ride but unable to operate a rope that separates non-riders from the station. Took a quick glance up from the screen to stare at the rope with a look that said ‘I’m not even going to attempt to figure out how that one works.’
Lowlight: Mild discomfort.

This copy of the once record breaking Intamin looper rode worse than Colossus ever has, which is quite an achievement. Not offensively bad. Just shout throughout the layout, then laugh it off bad.
Highlight: Local girl physically dragging her bloke along the queue to ride it against his will.
Lowlight: My preferred seat for leg room and experience was closed off (front of the back car).

This was the first Intamin Halfpipe I had come across and I could have continued living happily without it. Every time it launches while you’re facing sideways you could make a false claim for whiplash.
The band in front of it was interesting at least.
Highlight: New experience.
Lowlight: Unpleasant experience.

Mack youngstars are great for family coasters, the imaginitelvely named #5 Young Star Coaster being no exception, and it’s a shame they’re so outnumbered by other inferior products. The ride is ridiculously smooth and actually gives you a few forces to think about as well.
Highlight: Rat in the station.
Lowlight: Rat in the station.

Alien Attack is one of those immersive tunnel jobs <insert ‘what Derren Brown’s Ghost Train could have been’ joke here>.
Visually the experience was not as good as I thought it would be, is there any reason for the vehicle to have a roof? I couldn’t really get behind the story either – meet playful child aliens, their overprotective parents destroy your city and kill millions, then all is dismissed as a misunderstanding. The end. Something different I guess.

The Forest Temple walkthrough was fun. It had some impressive animatronic dragons and goblins among other things. I’m a sucker for a scare maze that doesn’t try too hard, where you can laugh in the face of fear. China is good at those.

We also caught a magic show and a stunt show here, which were both decent enough and managed to clear everything in a surprisingly short amount of time for a park of this scale.

That evening I learnt that many of the mid- to lower-end hotels bookale online in China take a lot of liberties with their advertised position on the map. The one I had booked that claimed to be near to Guangzhou South Station was in fact nowhere to be found (to this day, there still isn’t anything decent available around here – it’s a bit of a dead spot for the city).
I have, since this episode, always booked a known brand and been particularly meticulous in my research as to whether or not places exist. Generally getting the lay of the land always helps for any unforeseen eventuality.

Our train for the next morning left stupidly early at around 05:00 so we definitely needed to be within walking or someone’s driving distance and after some worrying contemplation that even involved just staying inside the station all night and then sleeping on the train, we took the plunge at an info counter and went for one of their on the spot hotel offerings.
An over enthusiastic minibus driver rocks up and leads us to the dark depths of the station underground where his transport awaits. My first true encounter with Chinese driving involved him animatedly chatting on the phone and smoking constantly, mostly not looking where he was going and taking a couple of shortcuts up the wrong sides of the road into oncoming traffic. I have since come to appreciate the entertainmet value.
The hotel itself was barely passable, but sleep is important on these trips so it was probably the right decision. They allowed you to book the minibus back to the station at the time required for any train and the return journey was equally questionable, though the roads were much quieter.

Onwards and north-eastwards.

Day 3

China 01/17 – Chimelong Ocean Kingdom

After spending just a couple of days in China the previous January, I had become hooked on checking out what else this massive country had to offer. There has been a boom like no other for the theme park industry out here over the past decade or so, with larqe quantities of both parks and very impressive looking rides flying up at a rate of knots.
It’s a fascinating country in which to experience new parks both as a bit of a road less travelled and the fact that they have a rather unique take on how to operate compared to the rest of the world, for better or worse (mostly worse as we’ll come to find out).

We flew into Guangzhou from Singapore and immediately took a high speed train down to Zhuhai, on the border with Macau. Trains are king in China, aside from driving being somewhat inaccessible to outsiders (and potentially suicidal if you were to try it in the cities), the almost incomprehensibly huge distances between cities (and parks) are consumed with relative ease by what I consider to be the greatest rail network in the world.
The coverage of the trains is vast beyond belief, the journies unbelievably cheap and on more than one occasion they have set the record for the fastest I’ve ever travelled on land.

Outside the station there were a number of small tourist huts, one of which offered a dedicated coach to the first park of the trip.

Day 1 – Chimelong Ocean Kingdom

Hello beautiful.

This park exceeded my expectations as an overall package and was possibly the only park on the trip that had that ‘just nice to spend the day there’ atmosphere. It was incredibly relaxed and well run, with a satisfying selection of rides, animals and shows.

This very attractive B&M is the most accomplished wing rider I’ve graced so far. The theming and interaction is excellent and the layout is simple but fun sequence of elements. The straight first drop provides an unusually satisfying sensation of airtime that can usually never be found on these models, before the restraints tighten around your shoulders at the pull out and restrict any further chance of this occuring, as is always the case with any strong positive force on these.
Highlight: Sluggish back row of the train in the first inversion provided a wonderfully floaty and sustained upside down moment.
Lowlight: Sluggish inline twist is a bit of a lung crusher.

Again this Mack looks great with the theming and floating by the real polar bears at the beginning is cool, but all in all it’s just a water coaster that fails to stir things up much. Not my favourite Polar Xplorer.
Highlight: Realising it isn’t quite a cloned layout.
Lowlight: Realising it might as well have been.

The second Mack is a similar story in that it looks great and floating past the various animals on display at the beginning of the ride is cool. Aside from this it’s a bigger, more lumbering water coaster that fails to stir things up much.
Highlight: Walrus Mountain theming.
Lowlight: Better to look at than to ride.

Great name.

Did Sea Odyssey, which is an Omnimover dark ride that weaves in and out of screens that bounces between a narrative about a metal fish enduring some mild peril and some real life aquarium tubes. They also chucked in a big erupting volcano set with ceiling projections at the end. Not knowing at all what to expect, it was impressive and good fun.

The 5D theatre was a surprise hit as well. You never quite know what you’re getting with your Ds and often they can feel like a bit of a waste of time. This was the real deal however, with impressive visuals and effects. The story featured the park mascots and went through scenes based on the rides and areas in the park such as flying a parrot through a forest, venturing inside Walrus Mountain, riding the big ass whale on top of the aquarium and saving some penguins from evil Mr fire-breathing sea monster (he needs a ride next).
Such a committed theme and I love the whole concept of a park taking pride in its attractions enough to use them into other forms of media.

The rest of the day was spent with many more flights on the parrot, alterating with a few animal shows and zoo exhibits at various points. They have a huge selection of animals and the scale of the main aquarium often makes the amusement aspect of the place seem secondary.
The Beluga show stood out as particularly unusual when they invited guests to come up and let the creatures pop out of the water and kiss them somewhere around the face, after showing a video montage of many national celebrities receiving the same treatment.
We stuck around until nightfall to watch the fountain show across the lake centrepiece of the park – always an enjoyable and slightly magical experience.

The huge screen over the entrance plaza is yet another awesome visual that this park has to offer.
Chimelong Ocean Kingdom remains one of my favourite parks in the region, though I really hope they manage to pad out the ride lineup in future to make it even more formidable.

Day 2

China 09/17 – Shanghai

To cheer things up on our final part, I think it’s worth mentioning that something was off about the hotel here.
Firstly, the staff had numbers rather than names. Secondly, this:

I was tempted to do some drugs after the last few days, but this sign was on the bed and proved effective enough in dissuading me.

Phoned Happy Valley at opening time to see if they’d fixed Fireball. They hadn’t.
“I’m not ruling it out but… if you’re coming just to play that… don’t.”

Headed off into the city instead with no real plans.

Stumbled across some bonus culture while changing lines.

Stumbled across some tower blocks. I’m counting that as culture too.

Day 11 – Century Park

Got lost trying to find this place. Exit 4 or 6, not exit 5. Thanks RCDB.

This baby is new this year.
The whole ‘amusement area’ seemed to have had a bit of a refurb and there’s some coming soon signs above the ticket office. Hope they get a Powered Dragon to compliment the lineup. Or a Jungle Mouse. I can’t believe I still haven’t got a Jungle Mouse.

Some foreign business-type people joined us for a lap. They seemed somewhat embarassed standing there ticket in hand and it took us, powering up like professionals, for them to make that leap.
They clearly didn’t understand the concept of creds as they lead with the question:
“Have you ridden this before?”
“No mate, +1.”
Good to end on a high.

From there it was back on the disappointing Maglev to the airport.

This report may have seemed a bit doom and gloom at times, but I do love doing trips here. There’s so much good stuff that far outweighs the atrocities. They also make for great stories.
I fully disregard the many hours of sufferance to get around, because as soon as I set foot in the entrance to the queue for that next big woodie or launchie there’s an unrivalled buzz of excitement. I can’t stop myself from running, skipping, staggering along internally screaming ‘Yes! I’ve actually made it!’ It’s the sense of adventure I guess. The payoff seems higher.
I’m sure it’ll break me one day.

You can find a full map and summary of all the China trips on a single visa here.

China 09/17 – Happy Valley Shanghai

The worst was over and it was back to being stupidly hot for the last leg of the journey in Shanghai. I don’t envy the person in the knock off Mickey Mouse suit who camps out the bridge to the shuttle buses. Not sure if the begging for a drink was meant to be a joke or not.

Day 10 – Happy Valley Shanghai

After a couple of days of cred drought, powered straight to the woodie with a fair amount of desperation. Closed for maintenance.

Alright, I’ll settle for the dive. Closed for maintenance.

Now sweating profusely, how about some Megalite action? Sign said open. Queue was open. 10 people in the queue. 10 minutes of hanging around.
“Nah, the ride’s broken, go try the mine train.”
Some locals began an argument with the staff about how useless the park was being at this point, which was very compelling and completely threw me. I thought they were unable to comprehend incompetence in parks out here. Stayed to watch until they all stormed out.

3 small creds were all lined up in the one section. All running. At last, some measure of success.

Operator here reckoned we shouldn’t bother with this as it was a kids ride.
a) Don’t care, got the cred
b) Only thing open mate.

#2 Crazy Elves was yet another spinner for the trip. No change there.

I was disappointed to find out this was basically asking B&M to build the standard Vekoma layout, so not particularly unique.
Took about half an hour to get a lap, with 1 train going ahead of us. Staff were visibly just sitting around on their arses killing time with the train already full, locked and ready to dispatch.
It rode as good as the normal ones do in prime condition. Interesting to see the official nameplate gives the ride a ‘lifespan’ of 15 years.

Went to ride the mine train, as recommended by the staff earlier. Closed for maintenance.

Jumped on the Flying Island for some views of rides not running.

No spiting… if only it were true.

Spiting.

Spiting.

The dive coaster started testing while up here. There’s still hope.

Seem to be coming across a lot of these spinners that don’t spin recently.

I’d rather that sky was punctuated by an S&S right now.

But oh, they fixed it.

Either this trip has broken me or they’ve broken their Megalite. Not sure what was going on, but strangely it left me a bit dry.
Gave it a couple of goes to make sure. Should have been viciously intense, just wasn’t up to the usual standard.

The testing came to fruition.
Sat in the comfy seat for ages with a blissful breeze waiting for customers to show up.

It is what it is. Good solid fun. Huge floaty drop and some other trundlings to go with it.
Trimmed a little too hard on the block brake for my liking so there was no whip into the second drop. Enjoyed it more than the Megalite on this particular day though.

Soaring Dragon was a poor flying simulator, particularly after Wuhan. No nice staff or seating area, just baking outside a warehouse with no indication of whether it was running or not. It was running, but only the back left pod instead of the middle, giving a crap view. Fire exit signs are also clearly visible through the screen. Eh.

Did the Storm Tour tracked dark ride. The excessive amount of spinning away from each scene was fun, but it was very short and underwhelming in general.
A bit like my time in this park.

I had never really had issues with Happy Valley until now. This was easily the worst in terms of staff and how it was run and even the locals know it. I didn’t get to ride the main reason I came here (Gravity woodie) and the remainder of the lineup, while impressive on paper, is all just clones and a bit par for the course to me.

The weather had spited me one more time as after some interrogation at guest services, the woodie was closed because the “rain had damaged the track.” You can’t be serious.
Apparently they were working on it (they weren’t) and there was a chance it would reopen the next day (it wouldn’t).

Headed off in to the city to make up for this loss.

People’s Park

Oh yes, slap the money on the counter and see the local crowds gather for a spectacle. 3 laps of poorly tracked comedy.

I feel much better now.

Day 11

China 09/17 – Nanjing

Day 8 – Oriental Heritage Wuhu?

China’s big boy train stations are vast, usually with a couple of entrance plazas at each end and consisting of multiple separate floors for arrivals and departures. Nanjing station does have lockers. In their infinite impracticality, they are located in the departure area. So on arrival this means re-entering the station through security passport and bag checks with a valid ticket for onward travel just to get to some storage.

Good thing we do have a valid ticket for onward travel then. Took another train to Wuhu from there, for some more Fantawild fun.
Then it all went horribly wrong.

The weather had been grey, but fine all morning. As soon as we got on the bus, it started raining. Game over before the day had even begun.
This bus actually drops you off inside the resort, there’s a novelty.
Wandered into guest services to get the lowdown.
It is now 09:00, park opening time. It’s a weekend and they’re open until 18:00.
They have already ruled out any possibilty of anything outdoors opening for the day, even if it stopped raining in half an hour and went back to 35°C of burning sunlight.
Well at least you’re honest, unlike Nagashima Spite Land.

I know the neighbouring Dreamland park had a few dark rides that were still new to me as well as some shows that looked interesting, so considered the possibility of just doing that instead.
After more conversation, turns out the Bubble Ballet was closed for renovation and the big show ‘Ashley’ was cancelled for lack of attendance. I shall bid you good day then.

I’m still pondering that chicken and egg scenario. No one turned up to these parks, absolutely no one. We got comical stares from a couple of staff that were hanging around outside that basically said ‘why the hell did you come here?’
Business just doesn’t happen, so they cut their losses.
So did they learn that people don’t bother first? Or did everyone get screwed over by visiting one day and then tell everyone else in the continent ‘never again’. It seems too new of an industry here to be so clear cut.
Locals must also have a sixth sense for weather. I’d been checking weather all week and found it wasnt very reliable information. Wuhan and Hefei were meant to be wrecked by thunderstorms all day on the days I was there but that turned out fine.

Back to Nanjing for more bag faff and malls.
Oh well, one more day in the area to give it another shot.

Day 9

Woke up the next morning and it was still a bit miserable outside. Original plan for this day was to dust off some minor Nanjing creds in the morning and then head to Suzhou in the afternoon. Of course another reasonable chance at the Wuhu woodie had taken priority over this.
Decided not to bust a gut with earliness or waste time with trains again so just made some phone calls at the point of opening.

Each of these cities are at least 100 miles away from each other, so this is how widespread the bit of rain that ruins daily life was.
“Hi Fantawild, what’s the score today?”
“No chance for the woodie.”

“Hi Nanjing mall park with the half indoor Vekoma motorbike, what’s the score today?”
“Whole park is closed for renovation.”

“Hi Suzhou giant wheel park, what’s the score today?”
“Unlikely, phone back at midday and we’ll know for sure.”
Hung around until the Suzhou train. Got to Suzhou.

Phoned again. Whole place closed today.
Tried and failed to appreciate the local scenery.
And that was that. Frustrating.

Up next: something to actually do.

Day 10

China 09/17 – Hefei Wanda Theme Park

The only event of interest arriving in Hefei was in transferring from the high speed train to the metro, where the security insisted that I demonstrating drinking one of the beverages we had just purchased from a station shop, to prove that I didn’t explode or get poisoned(?). It was a slightly surreal experience being watched like this, so I turned it into a drinks commercial by sighing “ahhhh…” with a wry smile and a thumbs up.

Mr Wanda managed to steal the show on my previous trip, so I was excited to give the next one a try. It just so happened to be the one year anniversary of the opening of this park, which meant dirt cheap entrance tickets. Like, £10 each cheap. This also made it pretty busy coupled with the fact it was back to being a weekend, but the place copes well, comparatively.

Day 7 – Hefei Wanda Theme Park

Had a great lack of caring from staff upon entering. Had our bag searched, got told outside food wasn’t allowed, then shrugged and got on with our day anyway.

The whole day was filled with a bit of cred anxiety as it was constantly threatening to rain and the staff were continuously announcing on rides that if it did, it was game over.
Bit of a chicken and the egg scenario in this part of the world. Which came first? The cultural mentality being like RCT in that they don’t believe they should ride things in the rain? Or the parks convincing themselves that it is unsafe to run things with a wet track?

Due to this threat, things were done in a relative order of significance. First powered round to the headline attraction, an Intamin launch coaster. 30 minute queue. 2 trains. Good man.

There’s a great atmosphere of tension and fear in the queue. The path dips in and out of buildings adjacent to the first parts of the layout and then the final outdoor cattle pen puts you in close proximity to the launch track. Here, the iconic Taron noise causes many a squeal of anxiety amongst the guests and the trains are being pumped out at an unprecedented rate for China.

The ride itself? What I’ve come to expect from Intamin recently. Some really, really good stuff in there, but couldn’t pull off the complete package.

Love the trains. Taron trains with a happy dragon on the front. Can’t go wrong with that.
Love the launch. Taron launch with a happy dragon on the front. Can’t go wrong with that.

Love the non-inverting loop. Wonderfully floaty and you get a really strong sense of the height at which you’re doing the element.

Same praise for whatever the inversion is. Good air time hill.
And now we’re turning… and we’re… turning some more.
Is that another air t… oh it’s the brakes.

I’m probably being a little over critical, particularly due to the nature of this trip, but for its size, it doesn’t feel any more significant of a layout than something like Star Trek. I just wish it did a little more in the second half other than uneventful corners. It feels like they’re chucked in for the visual effect around the amazing dragon statue rather than to serve the ride experience.

Still well up there in the grand scheme of things, just found myself wanting to love it more than I actually did.

Over to those duelling tilting things.

More visually impressive stuff, though not sure why all the major coasters here are yellow. Unfortunately only 1 train per side, but queue again was about 30 minutes a pop.
Got the dragon side first, next to some Chinese bloke getting overly excited about his chest mounted go-pro and the fact we were front row. I feigned a bit of enthusiasm in return. Wasn’t particularly looking forward to it myself.
The ridiculously elaborate seatbelt system is actually a full on chest harness underneath the restraint. Do we not trust Golden Horse yet? Bloke is told to get rid of the go-pro of course. Off we go.

Approaching the end of the tilt track is quite cool and unnatural. The actual tilt itself didn’t really feel as interesting/scary as I expected. It didn’t trigger any additional fear beyond ‘is this going to ride terribly?’

I like that they suspend both trains together to build the suspense while a staff member in the station looks up at you and counts you down with a microphone, sometimes using the classic trick of releasing it on the wrong number. (At least they have a good sense of fun. That or the ride system is faulty).
Drop onwards it wasn’t particularly pleasant. Back to standard survival mode with a couple of dodgy bits of tracking. You can’t tell which train wins at the end unfortunately.

The laws of the hobby now dictate I must put up with the other side. Queued the same amount again. Asked the batching man for the tiger side. He lied to me and put me on the dragon side again. Took things into my own hands and went over to the tiger side anyway. It caused a little confusion as they only like to have one trains worth of people anywhere near the station and I was having to wait for the next train to fit on, but I stood my ground and it worked.

Foolishly went for the back, the other side having been manageable and thinking it would enhance the tilt or something. Tiger side just enhances the roughness of the ride.
I’m seemingly immune to the ‘worst steel coasters in the world’, but one of the more dodgy bits of tracking here delivered two successive punches to my head that were much, much more severe than I have ever experienced on a ride before.
Everyone got off with visibly red ears. This helped me to laugh it off and I was fine again after 5 minutes.

Grabbed the Wacky Worm in the vicinity, rain still threatening to end the day. Love the face on this one.

Wacky and proud.

Had another go on the dragon on the way past as I could lose the chance for re-rides at any second.

Then completed the set by grabbing the spinner on the other side of the park.

Not crazy enough.

Ferris wheel had an hour queue. Skip.

Stumbled upon Submarine Simulator, a dark ride that I didn’t know existed.
It had a bit of a preshow, then as the name suggests a simulator about exploration of some lost relics in a submarine. Not bad, but enjoyed the Korean cartoons on the queueline TVs more.
I want to say it’s a sign of Wanda parks stepping up their dark ride game, but there’s always a ‘movie park’ in the mall next to the theme park that makes all the hardware exist in separate entities. Combine the 2, man.

Time for one final ride on the dragon, with it starting to rain mid queue. Again, they impressed me by soldiering on long enough to allow me a go in some quite painful rain. Better than Nagashima Spite Land.

FAILED to avoid a samba for the first time this year and got caught in a mass of people trying and failing to get out of the place due to the rain, just as the parade decided to rock up in the opposite direction. Couldn’t really see much over a million umbrellas, but it contained dragons, fire and attractive women, so good enough.

It was game over with the rides. They were planning to have a fountain/music/firework celebration show at about 20:00 with the possibility of any of those things being forfeited due to weather. I admire the commitment of the locals, who had already begun staking out spots in their masses with well over 3 hours of waiting ahead of them. Decided not to join them, as it was far too long a wait with nothing to do.

That and we had a room with a view…

Day 8

China 09/17 – Happy Valley Wuhan

Yet another high speed train took us down to Wuhan from Zhengzhou. The next morning we managed to find a regular bus that conveniently stopped directly outside the hotel and went to the park of the day.

This all seems somewhat familiar.
They were doing a hard sell on golf buggy rental at the entrance today, because it was hot and the “park was big”. Speed wasn’t really required, however, with the staggered ride openings and lack of guests around. I’d quite like to give one a go some day to add some extra comedy to a cred run, but it’s crazily expensive (comparable to the entrance ticket) even in a country where you expect to feel well off. Add it to the bucket list.

Day 6 – Happy Valley Wuhan

Oh good, another mine train clone. That makes 4 this week. At least we’ve managed to pull off a different theme on each one.

I’ll take this clone any day though. Another dose of S&S launched magnificence.
With a fresh comparison, I think I’ve settled on preferring this layout over Beijing’s.

It’s just a more fluid sequence of elements, each one has full purpose and brutalises you with maximum efficiency.

It rode better than Bullet Coaster, but isn’t quite as nice to look at, so that’s a harder one to call.

Never found a dark ride I was looking for. Most staff didn’t remember it, one had a vague recollection of it being in the ‘desert area’, but the only building there contains an upcharge ice house (ain’t no Harbin), so I assume it’s gone.

On to the next woodie of the week. I was half expecting it, so wasn’t massively put out by the fact they were only running one side. The red side was in ‘maintenance’ all day. But one non-duelling dragon is better than no duelling dragon.

This was good. Probably the weakest Gravity woodie of the week, but that’s not saying much as it had been an incredible week so far, it’s still well up there in the grand scheme of things. I think the duelling aspect could have elevated it slightly more, but it’s still fun to watch the way the tracks cross over each other. The first drop of the other side looked more interesting with its weird s-bend and overlapping of the blue drop.

The highfive element was cool, but not as killer as the antisocial highfive from the previous day.
It had some very good moments throughout, but the train runs out of steam a bit towards the end.

Woodies and locals anecdote 4: Had one particularly hilarious run in which every single person on the train around me was doing the weird ‘head bowed can’t cope with the forces’ thing again and one man appeared to completely pass out for the duration of the ride. It certainly kicked his arse.

Opposite issue with the Skyloop here, not enough people wanted to go on it. The staff were amazing and managed to rally enough guests with their microphones so that there were enough numbers to run it for me, all while singing along to Jay Chou songs.

Got lucky again with that splash timing.

Chinese Formule X was spiting. Bit disappointed as it was my favourite Xcar layout at the time, but at least it wasn’t the star attractions. It’s amazing to think that a ride of that quality is way down the pecking order in this park’s lineup.

This here be a ‘pirate themed walkthrough’. Except that it isn’t. It starts off with a single pirate figure at a ship’s wheel. Then there’s an abandoned minivan. Then it’s pretty much the same nonsense as all the other haunted walkthroughs. What makes this weirder is that they also have a generic looking haunted walkthrough just around the corner. Didn’t bother with that.

Overflying Yangtze is a flying simulator. Quite liked this one. It had a good waiting area, was completely empty so only running the middle car for maximum immersion, and there was mildly interesting scenery to look at. With dragons.

Every park is made better by dinosaurs. Except Fantawild Adventure.

It started to rain a little around mid afternoon, the first time the weather had shown any sign of change from maximum sun spite. The park respectably soldiered on for a good while longer and I managed to grab a final lap on both Dauling Dragon and OCT Thrust in the rain before it got too heavy and they all threw in the towel for the day. Better than Nagashima Spite Land.

Had a good time here overall. They’ve potentially got the best coaster lineup in the chain, if they actually had it all running. It does however lack a lot in impressive theming compared to the others parks.

The rain ruined any plans of mopping up creds in the city that afternoon, so resorted to enjoying the ‘local sights’ around some malls.

Day 7

China 09/17 – Fantawild Resort Zhengzhou

Quite quickly.
A day of infinite impracticalities. Luggage was in tow here due to high speed train spite.
The morning train out of this city had been fully booked months in advance so it had to be an in and out in a day job, with no hotel.
Further spite at the station with 3 different people telling us 3 different places for luggage storage there. None of them came to fruition and the one that was actually signposted and on the maps had partition walls around it. Better lug it to the park then.

The bus in the arrival direction for the park dumped us directly opposite the entrance plaza, but there is a catch in that there is a dual carriageway to cross and a high fence stopping you from doing so. It looked to be a good mile walk in either direction through the so far unrelentingly scorching weather to get around this problem. 1 local couple got off here with us and were equally flummouxed by the situation, so no help there.

This particular impracticality has generated some thriving business in the form of a hoard of tuk tuks and drivers that all swarm you once you steo iff the bus and offer to take you around. After distancing ourselves from that lot and assessing the situtation, we eventually teamed up with the couple and selected a reasonably friendly looking old lady to drive us in a tuk tuk. All crammed in on folding seats, luggage loosely sliding across the roof, we set off. All the way down the road, around the fence and all the way back again. Arriving in style.

Got dropped off at the car park barriers straight into the usual flock of “theme parks = water, so buy a poncho, 5 bucks here, 10 inside” people. Swatting them away with a couple of heavy suitcases, we powered into the premises. Almost there right?

After another huge walk, yes. The entrance area and plaza is stupidly massive of course. There’s 2 parks here. Adventure on the right, Dreamland on the left. Tourist centre in the middle.
Tourist centre won’t take the bags, have to store them inside the parks. Fine. Ticket office.
“2 parks, 1 day please.”
“We shut at 5 today, you sure?”
“Easy mate. Can we get into one park more than once with this ticket, you know, for the bags?”
“Single entry only.”
Fine… Turnstyles.

Day 5 – Fantawild Adventure Zhengzhou

Particularly glad this was the only place in China they weren’t actually bothering with bag scanning.
Thumbprints and signatures on the multi ticket faff.
“Can we get into the park more than once, you know, for the bags?”
“Single entry only.”
Fine… Internal tourist centre.
“Need to store these bags please.”
Signatures, phone numbers and wristband faff. Taken round to a locker.
“Won’t all fit in there mate.”
“I see.”
Signatures, phone numbers and wristband faff. 2 lockers.
“Can we get back into the park later, you know, for the bags?”
“Single entry only.”
Fine… bastards.

After all that massive waste of time, the plan was to hit the Adventure park hard and fast as it’s full of crap creds and low end dark rides, then spend a decent amount of time at the decent park next door.

Dino Rampage was first. Another spiderman system, but Fantawild’s first attempt at replicating it. Not sure if it was just the mood I was in, maybe I like dinosaurs too much and don’t like when they have to start shooting in Jurassic Park, but this ride really annoyed me. I guess I was expecting a happy go lucky encounter with some dinosaurs gone a bit wild in a museum, but it was actually very graphic and rather disturbing.

I didn’t expect to watch the army go nuts on a T-rex with machine guns while it picks up a car in it’s mouth and throws it at them. I didn’t expect to see that long neck dinosaur (the plant eater) to be eating people whole before getting a grenade in the mouth and its head blown off. I didn’t expect to see a pterosaur crashing a helicopter into a skyscraper and men plunging to their deaths.
Looking back, it’s totally hilarious. At the time it was just all kinds of no.

Oh good, the next mine train clone, with terrible operations.
At least the scenery was different.

Oh good, a Skyloop AND a Boomerang. Interesting rides AND throughput machines.
The Skyloop had about 60 people in the queue. My immediate response was NOPE, gonna be at least 2 hours of the day gone.
Got straight into the next batch of Boomerang candidates instead. Stress Express is right.

Hope the cat was enjoying life more. Doesn’t look like it.

Maus au Chocolat eat your heart out. Or not.
Today Space Warrior showed how to suck all the fun out of shooting balloons? at gophers? I forget the details, but it’s all a little too open plan with no atmostphere in that you can see the size of the warehouse it’s housed in and each of the many, many upcoming walls of screens that you’ll have to suffer as you go around.

Well that was enough of that place. I left without even finishing the creds and it bothered me to no end that the park was so stupidly popular in comparison to next door and by far the busiest weekday of the trip. Why…

As none of the Adventure parks have interesting creds, I’d be quite happy to never touch one again.

“You sure we can’t c..?”
“Single entry.”
Fine… Dreamland, luggage in tow again.

Fantawild Dreamland Zhengzhou

Second internal tourist centre.
“Need to store this luggage please.”
“1 locker?”
“No, 2. We just came from the other park and we needed 2.”
“1 should do.”
“Seriously, it won’t.”
Signatures, phone numbers and wristband faff. Taken round to a locker to prove the point.
“Won’t all fit in there mate.”
“I see.”
Signatures, phone numbers and wristband faff. 2 lockers.
“Told you.”

And breathe…

After what might have been the most stressful morning I’ve ever had in this hobby, it turns out I really liked this park. A lot. Totally the right decision to ditch the Skyloop.

If only for the amount of time I got to spend with this beast. So many things I love about this thing.
Firstly, the way that shot of the first drop is framed perfectly from the station. Sitting down in the train looking at that drop. “Oh no.”

Woodies and locals anecdote 3: Several locals of a middling age got into the train on my first go. After a lengthy discussion with the attendants about the nature of the ride and an assessment of their surroundings (that framing) they all began shouting hysterically words to the effect of “I ain’t doing that” and promptly got back out of the train and left the station. I didn’t even question how they got this far in the first place without realising, but I found myself willing them to just give it a go. There wouldn’t be sick this time, there would be blood.

Sitting contently in the back, I’m specifically told to hold on to the restraint by a timid ride host. I oblige, politely. If you say so.
Oh no, you do have to hold on.
Again, I didn’t know the features of these woodies coming into the trip, so this one just blew me away.

The entry to that drop ain’t straight. Because of this, the ride tries to get rid of you immediately at a 45° angle. Back seat instantly became one of my all time favourite first drops.
You then fly past the station over the smallest hill to ever follow a first drop. The ride staff were really lovely on this and are just standing there waving at me. I want to wave back but I’m too busy trying to process the insanity.

<3 Anti-social highfive element. Really aggressive whip in and out of those.

Proper corner.

Rounded off by many crazy hills of all shapes and sizes. It may be slightly shorter, but it’s full of pure unfiltered relentlessness.
Best ride of the trip, one of the best in the world.

Still broken from that experience, staggered over to Dragon King’s Tale next.

It runs an actual preshow, unlike so many other Fantawild rides that feel like they should.
Following that you walk through a cool tunnel with water shooting around it. Then I almost fall over because it’s wet and slippery. I was warned by a sign.
The actual ride is a big boat taking you around various scenes and screens.

Oh no, the city is flooded and the (supposedly meant to be a boy, but I’ll maintain it’s a girl) has to ask the Dragon King to fix things. Dragon King is a bit of an ass and refuses for a while, but after some persuasion through few action sequences, including real FIRE, he sorts it in the end. Liked this a lot.

Ticked off the SFC. Orkanen is a great ride and this is the best supporting coaster in any of their parks, but just a +1 today.

Qin Dynasty Adventure.

In my best film trailer voice: “Things take an unexpected turn when an archaelogical dig at the Terracotta Army uncovers something more sinister.”
I started off liking the vehicles for this as they have quite a punchy acceleration between scenes and they bank the wrong way on corners to exaggerate things. Then it goes up hills and does fake juddery drops and I wish they just called Premier and made it a cred.
Thoroughly enjoyed the theme and everything that was happening around me.

We use the term academy loosely here at Wizards Academy. Yet another spiderman ride.
The wizard is an ass and says you shouldn’t have come. He then proceeds to send many large mythical creatures to attack you, chucking in a few of his own spells as well.
Those are the lessons. You survive. You get a certificate from the academy. Well done.
Again I liked it a lot.

So that’s 3 really good dark rides that were new to me. They’ve also got Jinshan Temple Showdown (world class) and Devil’s Peak (very good). They’ve got the best coaster lineup in the chain. They’re really outdoing themselves here.
I’ve seen less than 10 guests here and everyone is in the bloody Adventure park.

There were a lot of references around to the fact that a Chinese version of famous Korean TV show ‘Running Man’ had visited this park.

Yes we do.

The shot tower here was laughably weak, but you take a lift to the top and there’s some great views of the 2 parks up there. No cameras allowed sadly.

Re-rode the woodie until I couldn’t handle it, or how lovely the ride staff were, any longer. Then called it a day.

Bit of a love/hate thing going on here with Fantawild.

Day 6

China 09/17 – Oriental Heritage Jinan

After Ningbo was one of the worst things ever to happen, it was time to make my peace with the Fantawild franchise.

Day 4 – Oriental Heritage Jinan

Decided to clear the air straight away and actually get on a Jungle Trailblazer this time.

I didn’t love this as much as the previous day’s Gravity woodie offering, but it’s still a very good ride. My favourite part was the series of tiny hills straight out of the corkscrew that just keep on delivering.

Stuff like the inversion and the overbank didn’t really add anything to the experience for me.
Being particularly picky, it felt a bit more clinical, less out of control and wasn’t as well paced as I would have liked.

Woodies and locals anecdote 2: Upon my first arrival at the station, the train was just pulling in with 2 blokes on it. One of them had been sick mid ride. It certainly kicked his arse.

The creds are all next to each other in this park which would help if you’re in a hurry. I sort of was, but that would change later.

Oh good, the next mine train clone of the trip. Either I zoned out my previous Night Rescue while in a bad mood, or this one had more theming towards the end including a screen with a big demon face. We still didn’t catch what it was about. Tunnels of thorny trees, more screams of the damned, it makes it quite interesting. Just cheap hardware.

Oh good, the next Boomerang of the trip. Vests seemed more shoulder crushing than usual to me, perhaps adjusted to Asian sizes? Ride was manageable.

The new to me dark ride that I knew I needed here was Devil’s Peak. It’s inspired by Universal’s Harry Potter ride robot arm system, but all slowed down a good 10x so there’s no ridiculous rushing through an incoherent amount of scenes, though it feels a lot more awkward in the movements.
It has more of an actual story, being about the Monkey King scaling a big mountain, fighting that golden dragon and a big ass lava bloke (part of Journey to the West).
I want to say it’s better, but I’m not convinced yet. There’s also a cheapness to some of the physical sets and moments like “although this a completely different theme, those skeletons in cloaks we just bounced past look a little too much like Dementors”. But that’s not to say there isn’t a cheapness to Universal’s lack of fresh storytelling and bad screen animations of Potter waving on a broom. I’m torn.

Gave Bridge to Love a go on the way round as it was starting the very second we got to it. This story is a Chinese tale called the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl – exaggerated for visual effect.
It takes place in a moving theatre with screens round the walls and on the ceiling. I quite liked it, mostly for the fact that it’s a relaxing sit down.

I had provisionally factored in rushing this park and heading over to Quancheng Euro Park in the afternoon so at this point headed over to guest services for a second opinion. The lovely lady there did some research herself and concluded it was either triple bus faff or a taxi, the taxi being strongly not recommended personally by her, as apparently they’re all dodgy people between the two parks.

Grabbed a bite to eat and mulled it over, deciding not to bother in the end due to a combination of possible struggles to get back again from there and the fact I’d temporarily put myself off of cred runs over the last few days.
Would rather just spend a relaxing day at a decent park right now.

So.

I liked Legend of Nuwa before. Gave it another go. Seem to recall the 3D on this being some of the most striking I’d seen in a long time, but it didn’t stand out as much on this occasion. Still an impressive Spiderman style ride. Glad to help the magic woman with the whip any time.

The indoor queue areas in these parks are ridiculously elaborate in both theming and length. Sometimes it seems like there should be a preshow or something, but it all gets skipped.

It was a busy day.

These queue boards have the ability to go up to 4 hours. I’d leave immediately.
This was outside the rapids, which despite having a fancy name and description on the map is unthemed and a total waste of time, not sure why the standards slipped there.

More of this? Why not.

Finally coming round to the feel of these places. When it’s quiet and it looks this good, it’s hard not to.

Just pumping out fog for the aesthetic.

Fun fact: It’s actually Jungle Flying Dragon in Chinese, rather than Trailblazer. They do love their dragons.

The history of China. Skip.
Much prefer the legends and fairytales.

Hanging around also meant we could catch this once a day show.

Some clever stuff going on with various set pieces like these doors and some bricks on wires.
The story is a confusing blend of the original and a ‘modern day’ Legend of Lady Meng Jiang. Her husband is forced into slave building the great wall, he dies and then her tears make the wall fall down. But then he wasn’t dead in the modern half. Or it was symbolic. Or something.

There’s people in that hedge. They all waved.

The woodie grew on a me a little over the course of the day. Seemed to get a little less rattly during the bits when it wasn’t doing much, as it ‘warmed up’.

Alright Fantawild, you’re forgiven for now. When your attractions are actually running and the park isn’t full of undesirables, it is possible to have a great day at a park like this.

Let’s see how quickly you can wear me down.

Day 5