Time to hit the road proper. We passed though many States on our travels the next day and ideally would have liked to pick up a little something from each. Louisiana immediately put a stopper to that plan, as their one ‘significant park’ with a Boomerang had opted only to open their water park in 2023, a narrow escape I’m sure. The only currently operating coaster up for grabs in the entire state runs on weekends only, of which this was not.
Mississippi then. Specifically, Biloxi. A good looking, up and coming seaside resort by the appearance of all things cred related at the very least. First stop here was
Day 5 – Big Play Entertainment Center
They’ve got all sorts going on here, but naturally we just wanted the coasters. Having arrived a little before anything was running we scoped them out and then acquired a piece of plastic from the ticket desk with enough value to score these.
#1 Biloxi Beach Hurricane, a fairly fresh SBF Visa Cyclon, from which the operator asked us to recall the events of Final Destination 3.
And the cold, hard steel of #2 Tornado.
Too easy. Further up the coast is
Paradise Pier Fun Park
Didn’t realise until now that this entire place was brand new this year. It certainly looked fresh.
The draw, if you can call it that, is one of those half-hamster SBF spinners, by the name of #3 Rolling Thunder. I’d not encountered one on this track layout before, which was simply their regular ‘two loop’ but scaled up in all dimensions. The hamster wheels were of course declined. +1
Next along was Alabama, the most significant contributor to the day.
Tropic Falls
A.k.a. the Park at OWA, this place is nestled in a shopping district hub, with other such leisure things on offer. We headed to the main event first, only for it to break down immediately.
And so it was dark ride time. Though generic looking on the outside Mystic Mansion was actually really good.
If you’re familiar with the Boo Blaster rides found elsewhere in the country, this is the self-claimed version 2.0 of those. It runs off of the same Boocifer theme but is enhanced with some impressively neat special effects as well as an amped up ending sequence with intimidating boss battles. A class act all round.
Back outside was #4 Crazy Mouse. It happened.
Then we had another attempt at the second coaster named Rollin’ Thunder of the day. It was only running a single 9-seater car and progress was slow even though the park was mostly empty. It broke down, again.
Meanwhile, dusting off the rest of the park – another classic from the Zamperla catalogue by the name of #5 Southern Express.
Now, broken or otherwise, all that was left to do was camp out my first ever Thunderbolt until it happened. I was intrigued. Eventually, it did.
I’m not entirely sure what’s going on with the restraint design on #6 Rollin’ Thunder. They’ve combined the collar bone crushing vests of an S&S Free Spin with a bulky lap bar that comes down overhead towards your knees first, and then hinges from that point down the remainder of your thighs.
And that’s where the main issue with the ride lies. It’s the comfort of the trains, rather than the track, which let it down. Not sure why but I was expecting the opposite. It has moments of hilarity, in that the opening vertical drop has a trim on it. The car responds to this in a somewhat awkward car crash fashion, jolting you forward like a bad Skyrush.
It does some cool stuff, I can’t deny the flow of the layout, which is a fun linear mix of inversions and airtime. The former ride rather well, but the latter again are killed by the restraints as you get quite a violent rather than controlled burst of upwards motion through each, taken directly to the knee and clavicle.
I’d even go so far as to say I’m rather taken by the look of it all. That’s a nice piece of track that. On-board it’s mainly comedy however, another trim delivers the most ungracious sensation just after the crest of one of the airtime hills too, one that really makes you think ‘why there?’ Nevertheless there’s an unrefined charm to the ride and it’s comforting to know things can always be worse – I could well have hated it. But I didn’t.
The remainder of our journey skimmed us through the very end of Florida’s panhandle and back up into the depths of Alabama. We had considered going harder and picking up another couple of SBFs down that way that were open until 11pm, but sense got the better of us. There was a much more important day ahead and a time zone border that wasn’t working in our favour. Creds before breads for sure, but creds before beds is getting more questionable over the years.
Over in Houston the coaster situation is a little more relaxed (RIP Six Flags AstroWorld), so first things first we decided to hit up the Space centre for… research purposes.
Day 4 – Official Visitor Center of NASA Johnson Space Center
The research ended in about 2 seconds. They’ve got a bottom of the barrel motion simulator pod, which was known. It’s in the main hall, also upcharge and wasn’t running, less known. To the next destination!
Nah though, there was stuff to do. We jumped on one of the tram tours first that takes you out to this hangar, complete with rocket. Saw some longhorn cattle along the way – all the culture rolled into one.
As promised, this was inside. Huge.
I enjoyed all the different logos they came up with for each Apollo mission, particularly the 17th century ship in space.
Once done there, the tram dropped us back off outside where this real Boeing 747 carries a fake shuttle, which used to be its job. You can go inside both and explore.
Or you can admire this fan with a donkey on it.
Back inside the main building there’s a man floating.
And you can walk on the moon.
All of this was fine, but then it got a little disappointing. There was a second tram tour out to an astronaut training center, but it required a free reservation and they had already run out. At no point during the online booking process, scanning of tickets at the entrance, being greeted by a greeter who asked “Is there anything we would like to know?” “I don’t know yet, you tell us” “Have a map” or walking past and interacting with 5 or 6 staff members at a desk in front of the tram tours, to get to the other tram tour, was anything made abundantly clear that a reservation was required. Which I feel is an oversight. Next.
We drove to Kemah Boardwalk next, wanting to get the more important cred under our belt. Boardwalk Bullet wasn’t in operation however and we enquired at the ticket desk, while getting sunburnt, to be told that a storm was coming, and we best be ready when she does. Maybe.
The internet corroborated this and also revealed that the same could not be said for Galveston, just down the road. Well isn’t that convenient..
Down in Galveston town lies a Rainforest Café that just so happens to contain a dark ride.
River Adventure Ride used to have its own fancy ticket booths, but now it just hides in the corner of the gift shop and you buy admission from in there.
It’s got boats. Moves slowly and magically stops itself every so often.
Animals and stuff too. Temples and fire at the end. Solid.
Galveston Pier
Also in Galveston town is the less important coaster, on an apparently historic pier.
It’s pricey to get in (on), even just for one ride, and so foolishly we opted for a wristband, assuming the Gerstlauer was worth at least a few courtesy laps to get our moneys worth. We like Vertika, I reasoned.
I did not like #1 Iron Shark. Sure, it has lap bars, but that doesn’t help when it rides like arse. Sure it’s compact, but all that leads to is unpleasant brain shaking mixed with positive Gs. Headache material.
We put up with it for a few goes, mostly because the operator was entertaining and we were in no hurry, and then left in a hurry.
Kemah Boardwalk
Back in Kemah the #2 Boardwalk Bullet was back in action. Or for the first time, it probably hadn’t run at all earlier. Again a wristband was obtained in anticipation of great things and, while the queue line music was just that, the ride was… OK.
I don’t want to keep falling back on this last hurrah thing, because it scares me, but this was the last chance for a wooden coaster by Gravity in the U.S. to impress me. And it failed to do so.
The starting sequence can be all kinds of wild. We soon discovered that exclusively back row, with a large man at the front of the train, was entirely essential for the full effect. A violent drop through the structure into a low pop, a wicked one-two of left-right twists before a big turnaround that, from the station, had some of the most immense flex and sway I’ve ever seen from a woodie. It was marvellous.
After this though the ride just never really gets going again. It’s another victim of ‘look how impressively long this coaster is, we’ve packed so much into a tight space’, while not managing to do a whole lot with it. Corners, corners, corners, hills over other bits of track taken at too slow a pace. Is there any bigger crime than when a ride starts off so excitingly, but by the halfway point you’re just kinda sitting there waiting for it to end?
Yes, but the point stands. Early days Gravity Group simply ain’t my cup of tea.
Next on the agenda in San Antonio was of course Sea World. The car park sting hit harder than even Six Flags would have here, at an eye-watering $32, for the privilege of some unshaded misery half a mile from the park entrance.
The entrance itself is rather striking, giving the place a unique character amongst the chain for that alone I guess. After many years of waiting for it, we finally bore witness here to a full-on national anthem park opening. Hats were removed and hearts were held. The day couldn’t start without it. More respect here than Cedar Point.
Day 3 – Sea World San Antonio
With tickets scanned we wandered forwards through the trees, immediately spotting the first and most important coaster. #1 Super Grover’s Box Car Derby was all manners of faff. They hadn’t opened the queue properly, leaving a number of guests stuck in various switchbacks trying to find a clear route to the station.
The most cumbersome of policies however, was that they refused to allow any loose items to be placed on the sufficiently empty far platform. The solution to this, which wasn’t presented to anyone until having already taken seats in the train, was to place them in an unsecure cubby hole storage area (pictured above) located entirely outside of the ride area. To access these at this point involved leaving the train back through the air gates and pushing past a crowd of people on a set of stairs that was already holding a full queue of disabled access guests. Once the items were stored, it was necessary to push back past said guests, up the stairs, back into the station and onto the train while the 5! staff members all stood gormlessly there waiting for that to happen.
Got the cred, now let us never speak of it again. A strong start.
The day immediately came to a halt again due to some undisclosed staggered openings. Access to areas beyond Sesame Street, which was already hell on earth after a mere 15 minutes, was blocked by staff members that didn’t understand the question ‘is this area opening later?’
Assuming it would be a round number, we patiently waited until the start of the next hour and sure enough the masses were unleashed once more. Not wanting to queue for it, and wanting to get the wetness out of the way, we made a beeline for Journey to Atlantis, which we saw had already been testing. It wasn’t ready, and there was no indication of when it would be.
Tidal Surge is just over the way then. An astonishingly massive S&S Screamin’ Swing. What’s not to love? The out of seat moments at the extremities, the face down view of nothing but water below, the forceful and fast wind from the sheer speed of the swings. Spoiler: best ride in the park.
Bailing on Journey for now, we continued anti-clockwise to the coaster that had the most potential for keeping us here. I’m swiftly running out of GCIs to play with and #2 Texas Stingray was the only of the ones remaining that had been given personal recommendation, by someone we met at SFGA, as being ‘better than Mystic Timbers’. And I love me some Mystic Timbers.
Well it sure as hell ain’t that for me. I’ve reached the conclusion a while ago that I like GCI best when they’re being un-GCI. If you like the Thunderheads of the world, with their record-breaking 22 banked corners then this is a GCI for you. It rides like one of those, with a few more poppy hills chucked in for good measure. If you like low to the ground, out of control feeling, fast-paced killing machines that tear themselves apart, and a shed, this one is a hard sell. I didn’t dislike it by any means, it’s perfectly serviceable, but it didn’t get me excited at any point and didn’t make us want to stick around. I’d struggle to give you any key moments or highlights from the layout and thus it’s firmly in the middle of the pack.
Next on the journey was #3 Great White, the second Batman invert within a 15 mile radius. It was being run just about as badly, but only with one train as the other was in pieces. Other guests were suffering with an inconsistent ‘fanny pack policy’, having been instructed to keep it on, and then, once seated and restraints locked, take it off. Then the staff struggled to unlock said restraints while watching a man struggle with some contortionism of his own, I guess proving how difficult it would be for it to have fallen off, but rules are rules, sometimes, for some.
Oh, yeah, Batman again. S’alright. +1.
We were noticing a distinct lack of animals in this park by this point. There was a big building with sharks painted onto it next to the cred, which one might have expected to contain some fish, instead it held a sketchy carnival arcade being staffed by a teenager on their phone. I understand Sea World are leaning on the rides a bit more these days but assume the USP is still that you can do a bit of both. Otherwise Six Flags is kicking their ass.
Round the next corner was the construction site that is Infinity Falls. The next in a long line of rides coming ‘this summer’, though I’m really not sure what the definition of summer is any more, while getting scorched. The more annoying part about this one is that they’ve heavily advertised the ride on billboards throughout the city and, as we would later find out, the entire state. New ride! Infinity falls! Worlds steepest log flume or something (not bigging up the launch, which is the bit I was most interested about). Imagine seeing that, driving a couple of hundred miles and then finding a crane and some mud. Oh but don’t worry, you can touch look at the boat.
Moving on though, at least #4 Wave Breaker: The Rescue Coaster lets you know what’s what when it comes to articles. None. Paid lockers outside. We acquired one and entered the queue which weirdly had assigned seating allocated at the base of the stairs, by a staff member who couldn’t see the station itself. This phenomenon will come up again on this trip.
I’m not sure if I like the Jet Ski trains over the usual quadbikey ones I was expecting. The back is the most solid, straight and unforgiving thing ever, but it was otherwise roomy and it didn’t matter anyway. After rolling into a shed and being told which of the many animals we would be saving (rerideability), an overly long countdown is initiated and then what everyone imagines a Mack launch to be like happens.
Truth be told there’s very little of any force going on with this ride, it’s a very family friendly affair, which is fine if that’s what they were going for I guess. Well no, that’s a weak excuse that Chessington use, It’s not like Intamin haven’t made much better ones of these that aren’t also family friendly too, so really it’s just a bit meh. The one thing that could have saved it was a bit of train interaction with Steel Eel, but they were running that so slow that it never happened.
So, #5 Steel Eel. I’ve always enjoyed the name. In my head this was a trend-bucking Morgan hyper, but from where I was sitting it’s basically the same – hills, corners, hills. The float and crunch effect was back in full force, and sadly too much so on this occasion. Sure, the up was fun, but the crashing back down into the seat was jarring to the point of what felt like nerve damage at the base of the neck. Thus, a one and done. Mamba remains the most refined.
Found some animals nearby – penguins. They had a bit of an exhibition at least. Then we realised it was probably best to get #6 Journey to Atlantis out of the way before the locker expired.
Took the walk over there, via Alligator Alley, which was far from an alley. The Mack Supersplash was playing a rather epic theme while no one rode it and it did an extra rotation on the turntables at the top, which I didn’t know was a thing, so that’s something. Splash. Park complete.
After crossing the park once more and emptying the locker, it was decided that we should at least look in on the shows, see how those were doing these days. Filled the time until then by reaffirming that Texas Stingray still wasn’t my bag and then took a seat in the dry area to see what they had to say for themselves.
There’s a lot of pre-recorded video packages about Sea Worlds conservation efforts that dictate the pace of the Orca show. When the action does begin it’s all heavily emphasised that everything we see is natural behaviour, or at least that which is useful for medical checkups. Not my bag either, but let us not forget how ridiculously expensive Sea World tickets are.
As such, the Belugas had a similar story too, though without video packages and any semblance of microphones through which you could understand what the presenters were saying.
It was time to leave. I didn’t vibe with the place at all, it represents incredibly poor value for money, though San Diego is probably still worse, no personal standout attractions, not a whole deal else to do, rather go Six Flags mate.
So we did.
Six Flags Fiesta Texas
Can’t forget about that #7 Boomerang now, can we? Redemption. +1.
Spiteliner was still spiting. Kid spite still hadn’t been built.
Somehow talked myself into riding Dr. D again. The 7-wide cars intrigued me once more – if you get the middle seat you’re sitting dead centre of the track, which is very rare experience on any major coaster. It’ll be perfectly heartlined, a masterpiece of engineering, just like a No Limits POV I thought. I bagged the centre seat and it still sucked.
Superman got a courtesy nod, for fame reasons. Wonder Woman was probably having that tyre looked at. Had another glorious evening on the Iron Rattler.
Having crashed in San Antonio for the night, our first major park of the trip was just a quick drive down the road. As a self-proclaimed Texas’ next big up-and-coming city, there was construction and roadworks absolutely everywhere in the vicinity, but these thankfully failed to hamper proceedings. Things continued to run smoothly when we arrived at what would otherwise be a $30 sting for parking. A wave of the papers indicating that we would be picking up season passes got us through without a hitch and, astonishingly for an establishment of this nature, we were able to park up mere metres from the main entrance just before opening.
Day 2 – Six Flags Fiesta Texas
Initial impressions from the outside are that this is easily one of the nicest looking parks in the chain. An out of character cliff, waterfall and signage greets drivers before entering the car park and, once inside, the ‘quarry’ element of the surroundings is on full display. A well-painted car park B&M catches the eye, alongside a nicely styled entrance plaza through which we headed in order to process said passes. Having flashbacks to that fateful day in St. Louis, where we were issued the wrong pieces of plastic, the procedure this time could not have been simpler. No queue, papers, (Diamond, Platinum, VIP? I’m not even sure) passes that worked. They may have changed the options since the old days, and it may well be killing the popularity of the parks, but it suited us just fine.
Onwards and inwards, the turnstiles were open prior to commencement, allowing us to take a walk through the main street until just past the freshly painted (and newly trained and braked) Boomerang that lurks on the far side of the front plaza. While waiting at a rope drop area that would lead off towards a certain star attraction, we were offered the chance to enter a competition and win a picnic cooler. Not having a sufficient plan to transport said prize home on a plane in the event of winning, I declined and continued to wait in the shade. Yes, Texas was going to be hot of course, and vampire mode was already kicking in.
At the allotted time, the reasonably sparse masses were unleashed into the remainder of the park and we hot-footed it to the entrance of #1 Iron Rattler. Here we were held once again, forming a small queueline under the sign and past the test seat, ending up waiting another 15 minutes or so past ‘park opening’ before the ride itself was ready. This appeared to be happening on the majority of attractions we could see from the vantage point. A certain buzz filled the air as we headed up towards the station, one that tends to occur in the presence of an RMC. I appreciated the little back-story plaque in the queue, along with the ‘world’s largest painting of a rattlesnake’, both of which gave off a certain air of self-awareness. Appreciated less was the endless uphill zigzag of the queue line, given the temperature, but at least it’s shaded and about 1% as bad as The Boss.
We boarded one of the first trains at the back, and first experience with the Gerstlauer rolling stock (no, that’s an Arrow pictured above) was positive. The restraint is a little more simplistic than the usual RMC faff, easier to operate and with far less lower leg impedance. The surroundings and seat itself lend themselves to a rather more ‘exposed’ feeling as well, which is always a plus for me too. Soon, the snake was off. A simple downhill corner kicks things off before the lift hill, demonstrating that company designs hadn’t yet gone full wacky by this earlier point in time. This start however is highlighted by a pleasant interaction with the neighbouring mine train which, on several occasions, managed to line up its own train thundering around and under us, while we prepared for the climb.
And what a climb, the steady pace allows for plenty of appreciation of views out over the rest of the park, aided by the as yet unnoticed terrain aspect of the lift structure. While distracted and not really yet fully contemplating that I was back on holiday riding world class coasters, the train plummeted from under me. And what a drop, it definitely hits hard even for an RMC. There’s a slight left kink to the entry and then a pull out to the right that give it that extra edge of insanity. The speed at the bottom, enhanced by a corrugated metal shelter, is quite something too.
A ton of momentum throws you up onto the cliff in a great surprise double-up type airtime moment that culminates in a poppy overbanked turn. As you accelerate back downwards and sideways out of this, the speed builds once more through another, faster banked turn, eventually plunging back down to the ground at immense pace. The base of the dip here delivered a significant amount of positives, an amount I’m not entirely accustomed to on such hardware and it was a very welcome difference in style. From there, the one and only inversion hits, executed to perfection as it gently flops you headfirst over the top of the cliff once more.
The terrain of course is the Iron Rattler’s signature move. After the large, fast paced elements, you suddenly find yourself going through some motions as if you were in the dying moments of a layout, with some short and punchy airtime hills straddling another couple of small sideways twisty bits, all low to the ground while still 100ft in the air. If I were to take any issue with this ride, and I’ve always got to find something, it’s that these sideways elements in particular felt a little pedestrian to the more seasoned RMC experiencer in me. Maybe in 2013 they were as-yet-unseen and kicking all types of ass, but of everything in this layout they did the least for me.
Not to worry, the airtime is smooth and powerful out of this section and into what my limited, spoiler-free knowledge led me to believe is the legendary cliff drop. Moments like these are always a luxury in a coaster, the sudden discovery of more potential energy than you had before, a ramping up of pace in the midst of the inevitable ramping down of resistance. A big, stonking ejection out of your seat off the side of the rock and back towards station level leads into another low, fast turn and a surprise tunnel through said rock. I had no idea that this existed and loved it. Rushing through the dark and cooling temperatures in hardware like this is entirely unlike anything else in the world and while it’s just another simple corner in itself that doesn’t do much, what happens next is rather epic too.
Violent, sideways and skywards ejector into the brake run. There’s a ton of energy that the snake has left to give as it all comes to an end, but it goes out with a bang and perhaps the most vicious moment of the entire layout. I can’t really argue with that. Overall Iron Rattler went down an instant classic. It’s only really mid-tier RMC, but of course whenever we talk about these things that’s still some ridiculous praise in the grand scheme of worldwide rollercoasters.
The ride has bags of character and I love the many unique aspects it manages to bring to the table. Even though I’ve done a stupid amount of them by now, the fact that their third-ever creation delivers such special moments is testament to how game-changing this stuff was at the time, and still remains to this day. God damn Iron Rattler.
Our first mistake was going round for a second lap, with still just a 10-15 minute queue. After another long walk up to the station, it was announced that ‘essential cleaning’ was required while procedures were already under way and some guests in front of us left immediately. The snake had already kicked someone’s ass this early into the day, also impressive. Through fear of having a ‘Six Flags day’, or rather the Rattler going down at any other time during our visit, knowing we definitely wanted more goes on it, we opted to wait this one out.
The waiting was painful, endlessly torn between leaving and hitting up the rest of the park, understanding there were a lot of creds ahead of us, yet being a mere couple of trains away from another cheeky lap on what was undoubtedly the highlight of the lineup, and one of the primary reasons we were here in the first place. The process was more painful. While I’ll never criticise the meticulousness of the actual cleaning we witnessed, the lack of visible progress became frustrating when the entire ride team would stop wiping, pack everything up, begin cycling the train again, only to then get all the kit out once more and start the routine again, several times over.
I estimate that around an hour passed before we finally got back on it again. By no means too long of a wait for such an attraction, but at the same time most likely entirely unnecessary. The ride delivered once more as it had before, but now it was definitely time to rack up the ol’ coaster count, via the gift shop.
Where I took a liking to this imagery in particular.
Over the way, having been screaming “louder, LOUDER, AHAHAHAHA” at us all morning, was #2 Dr. Diabolical’s Cliffhanger, the parks latest addition, and a B&M described by many as a sign that the company were finally getting a bit more fruity again in their old age. I was intrigued, I think that’s certainly needed in order to keep myself entertained at this point. Heading straight into the indoor section had us queuing in a dimly lit corridor with some artistic shots of the ride itself, a small window to the outside world in very close proximity to some coaster track, for some intimidation, and a perky little tune on the speakers.
The doors at the far end opened and preshow #1 began, with a staff member awkwardly standing in the midst of the scene in a lab coat. While it’s certainly nice to see Six Flags going down a more theatrical route, the show itself felt dated and redundant, which is impressive given the age of the attraction. Apparently we were there to sample a new youth-retaining elixir but, as the good Dr. is a bit of a D, this is a lie.
As we move through a hidden entrance in a bookcase (not seen that one before), we hit preshow #2, in which we learn that we were actually there to have our fear extracted in order to raise an army of creatures. The nature of these creatures is never revealed and while I somewhat appreciate this being left to the imagination, I feel the environment probably warranted some visual indicator as to what the end goal was.
The reality is that some loud, annoying noises go off and we head back outside into concrete, sunlight, lockers and a big B&M. All semblance of theming vanishes and you’re completely detached from the story aside from a single piece of station audio, muted by the open air aspect of a barren loading area and standard ‘enjoy your ride on the Dr. D’ Six Flags operations.
Never mind though, maybe the coaster will be a highlight of the genre? I thought to myself as I boarded the outer back seat of the highly unusual 3×7-seater row cars. Sad to say it was baaaaad. I’m no ride engineer, but something’s happening with B&M. This coaster rode incredibly poorly, and it’s not the first brand new B&M this year to display signs of this. The flexing in the outer rows is jarring and uncomfortable as it bounces and lurches you through what would traditionally be smooth and forceful track elements.
If I had to guess, and it’s only a guess, this is part of some stress-relieving, life-enhancing endeavour (oh look, that fits the ride theme!) to make the hardware last longer, to help make a sale. Whatever it is, it makes things less rigid, perhaps there’s less wear and tear on the track and the trains, but instead those flexing forces are transferred through the riders and it quite simply isn’t a pleasant experience.
I found no redeeming features whatsoever on this 150ft chunk of steel, other than how it looks, you can’t deny the sexy curves of their track design. The drop is marred by juddering about uncomfortably, the inversions are marred by jolting around uncomfortably. The audio is abrasive and annoying, especially as it can be heard park-wide.
The second half of the layout is Boring and Mild at best, with the only evidence of that aforementioned fruitiness of B&Ms latest and greatest designs being a steeper than usual airtime hill which, to be blunt, rides like a bad Gerstlauer. The attraction was about as unpopular as the 23-year old B&M on the other side of the park, not good for the new girl. Let us never speak of it again.
Speaking of the 23-year old B&M on the other side of the park, that’s where we headed next, via more waterfalls.
#3 Superman Krypton Coaster here has another bit of a legendary status for quarry related antics. I’ve become rather jaded to the whole multi-looper ride type over the years, but was excited to see if what was basically the last hurrah of this particular ride type for me could deliver anything special.
Yes and no. While visually I liked what was going on, it doesn’t quite use the terrain in the way I had imagined it might. Unlike the Rattler, it just drops from the top of the cliff and you’re done with that aspect (it’s also quite weird to see just normal civilisation at the top of this particular cliff, rather than some wild frontier).
It’s an unusual, big curvy drop that is rather fun. There’s a bit of a rattle going on at the higher speeds as you power into the massive loop under Superman’s ass, which is par for the course. Things do get a little wild in the mid-section, with some semblance of that old school violence that can be found in certain transitions. A snappy inversion here, an airy lurch out of a mid-course there, it delivers the cookie cutter element sequence once more but goes about doing so in a slightly unorthodox way. I guess I kinda liked it, one of the better of its type for sure.
Speaking of the better of its type, Wonder Woman was last on our major hit list and I was intrigued to remind myself about the insanity of that OG Raptor layout after the hilarious disappointment that was the Jersey Devil. The ride had other plans however, it appears to be destroying itself rather quickly and was only able to run one out of three trains, the others undergoing repair, with constant downtime. Arrival at the queue saw what would have become the most significant wait of the day (essential cleaning aside) had we sucked up the single train operations and just gone with it. However we decided that this was the best opportunity to play the ace up our sleeve, the season pass we had earlier acquired came with 4 free line skips per customer.
How to use these was a different matter however, the online portal for the pass gave no answers. We headed back to the centre of the park and found the flash pass kiosk, asking the guy outside how it worked. A different, convoluted website was involved that needed bar code scanners and the registering of multiple passes onto a single login. Once that was dealt with, a simple selection of the ride was needed and a QR code was generated, which could be shown at the ride at any time that day. Spoiler: it never was.
For geographical reasons we took the opportunity to break for lunch here before heading into the park again. The wrong #4 Goliath, or Batman as it’s more commonly known, sticking out like a big, blue, sore thumb just around the corner, became the obvious next tick off along route. The queueline was hideous, though mercifully empty, consisting of endless uphill switchbacks with not a drop of shade in sight. That new holiday heat was really starting to get to me already.
Flashbacks to Dorney Park in the station, they were running this Invert like absolute trash too. Meandering about between restraint checks and other procedures, arguing with guests over shoes on, shoes off, fanny packs on, fanny packs off, all while train #2 was sitting uselessly on the brake run getting everyone else sunburnt and annoyed. Let’s just get this over with – standard Batman fare, a little rip on the feet in the heat, but otherwise I’m over it.
#5 Poltergeist was next on route in the clockwise direction and we sidled up to the decent looking haunted house façade and pleasant spooky station decoration. Now don’t get me wrong, I love what they’ve done with the place, I just wish it wasn’t just another Premier spaghetti bowl.
A little bit of thrilling and fun in the sun, but otherwise I’m over it.
Things went bad again upon re-arrival at Wonder Woman, it had ceased operation. The queue had mostly dispersed, beyond the point of the fast track merge at the very least, though they were still allowing guests to head in and wait it out, sitting forlorn on the floor. Two engineers were at the front of the station faffing around with the drive tyre that takes the train up onto the chain lift. The tyre was clearly on its last legs, frayed, cracked, split and bare. A measurement was made with a gauge. Apparently it still met the specs and was still good to go in that state. The coverings were re-covered and the operator was given the all clear. Except that it was too late.
Phase 1 of ride shut down for inclement weather had begun. There were now storms in the area. Wonder Woman should have been back in action, but could no longer operate, nor could anything with a height above 25ft until the storm had passed, according to the staff there. It was time to bail.
Taking the 25ft rule to heart, we assumed the next necessary course of action was to hit the smallest cred in the park – a miniature Vekoma Junior by the name of Streamspiter. It was blocked off by a cleaning bucket, which we initially believed to be a blatant disrespecting of the weather rules, but it later appeared that the stupid thing never operated at all during our time on park.
Talking of stupid spites, they were supposed to build these kiddie coasters across the chain for the ‘summer season’, but haven’t even started yet. Construction, get excited, I guess.
Now, the only thing worth riding that was also still open was Pirates of the Deep Sea. This dark ride was great, containing a lovely, cooling queue line with some really nice details. The first scenes of the ride itself with all the rain effects and storms brewing (just like outside) was really atmospheric. It got a little more cliché as the sections went on, with many ghost train throwbacks to other, similar attractions and obvious hints of the old Scooby Doo theme it used to have still shining through, but otherwise solid fun and a welcome change from the usual Six Flags fiasco.
Gave that a couple of goes before ending up on bench: the ride for a couple of hours, waiting out a storm that never truly hit the park that hard. The threat of lightning was such a tease, having killed the operations.
With the opening hours dwindling, eventually some signs of life were seen from a few nearby coasters. A lot of guests had already retired by this point in the day, so all credit to the park for not pulling a New England. They actually bothered to get things going again.
Well, they were trying to at least, we rocked up to Pandemonium only to find that they had immediately broken it. Come back later.
Time to get the dread out of the way, of yet another S&S Freespin, the actual #6 Batman The Ride of the park. It seems my love- (Arashi) hate (Dragon Slayer) relationship with these has reached both extremes and this one fell squarely in the middle – inoffensive.
We wasted sooo much time in these dying moments. Went to the Boomerang for a double dose of bad clones, only for it to break down the moment we reached the station. Not another one.
#7 Road Runner Express was doing fine and was a welcome break from the mess. A punchy little custom layout with some good speed, wild turns, two lifts and the previously mentioned bonus interaction with the Rattler.
Boomerang was still spiting, so it was back to #8 Pandemonium. We witnessed an engineer jump in a car for a final test run before giving it the thumbs up and then managing to complete our own lap. In the hurry, I forgot to care that this is the almost-best Gerstlauer spinner layout.
#9 Wonder Woman Golden Lasso Coaster was accepting guests again, and then went down immediately AGAIN as we batched ourselves into the station. It sounded like an absolute wreck from off-ride, I know the track shouldn’t be that noisy. We sat it out, again, they looked at the front drive tyre, again, they gave it a thumbs up, again. Finally, finally I hopped into the back seat, ready to see if it lived up to old Railblazer.
Upon departing the station it begin juddering violently, and slipping on that front drive tyre, barely, barely making it up onto the chain lift, all while the operator was giving a nervous glance to the engineers still present, his hand hovering dangerously close to the E-stop. We sooo very nearly didn’t get this lap, it was a total miracle. Should probably take another look at that tyre.
And the result? It rode about as badly as it sounded, and kinda like Jersey Devil did after 5 minutes. These things clearly don’t age well, or the parks are very bad at looking after them. But crucially, it completely affirmed my feelings for Railblazer. The evidence of the ridiculously killer ejector moments from that back seat was all still there and it still managed to absolutely haul through the wonderfully Raptor-specific stylings of the layout. A candle in the wind, perhaps.
With only minutes left on the clock we ran back to the other side of the park to close out on the Rattler. In a very satisfying manner, we saw Wonder Woman now stuck on the lift hill, from our own lift hill, before enjoying yet more snake-based elation.
In a very unsatisfying manner, they had to go and Six Flags the day right at the very end though. We entered the still-open queue one final time for the night, making it all the way up into the station only to be shouted at by ride staff that “IT’S CLOSED!” A train full of riders was yet to be despatched, along with half a trains worth also waiting in the air gates. I half attempted to point out that there would still be seats free anyway on their next load, but it was met with another instant rebuttal of “IT’S CLOSED!” Perhaps, most annoyingly of all, some of the other guests in those air gates began to back him up by also shouting “IT’S CLOSED!” at us. Why did they care?
Our only option was to walk the long way back down the queue, to eventually find that they had chained off the entrance behind us.
We’ve been hitting the States pretty hard over the past few years, rough patch aside. By far the largest black hole left was big ol’ Texas, which was destined to form the foundation of a visit this year. Though it has many a bucket list park and coaster to its name, it was clear in the earlier planning stages that the Lone Star State simply wouldn’t be enough to satiate the needs of my style of road trip alone, and the question soon became; East or West?
Both directions had their draws and drawbacks, but both were also relying upon fresh openings for this season to really give them some bite. In the end it was a certain combination of these newbies that swung the decision. Let’s see how far the road takes us this time.
Fortunately or unfortunately, there is no epic tale of travel to tell on this occasion. Contrary to what I had come to expect in recent years, it turns out flights and hotel bookings can all run smoothly, sometimes. A simple plane journey from Heathrow to Austin passed without incident, where we were soon allocated our Canyonero-style vehicle in order to help us blend into the landscape. Though massive and with blind spots the size of the state itself, it had comfort. form and function over the El Toro-inspired Kia Souls we’d become accustomed to and, most amusingly of all, it had better fuel economy than those too.
Having arrived late afternoon, there was time only for a quick warm-up session to kick the trip off. Not too far down the road, in the humble town of Seguin, lives a certain little wooden coaster.
Day 1 – ZDT’s Amusement Park
Z(ee)DT’s (try not to say it like you’re British) is a tiny establishment, consisting of an arcade, a restaurant, some go-karts, a couple of micro-footprint flat rides and of course #1 Switchback, itself spanning what feels like more than half the square-footage of the park. You can either wristband up for everything, or just the coaster. Of course we opted for the latter and headed in under the structure.
The baby Wood Express trains were a welcome sight, along with the cute little execution of the switch track prior to the station.
These miniature Gravity Group creations have developed a bit of a reputation for being beasts, was this one about to punch above its weight as well?
Yes it was. While not quite carrying the sheer violence of a Mine Blower (RIP no thanks to RMC), or perhaps the relentless pacing of the aforementioned Wood Express, Switchback delivers a series of highlights amongst a fun-fuelled layout. The tightest of turns out of the station and again at the crest of the lift hill show off the manoeuvrability and compact nature of the hardware before a punchy, slightly twisted right-then-left first drop lines you up alongside the lift structure.
Passing through the long straight that forms the switch track feels a little silly, but it ends with a momentous little pop of a first hill, diving around the side of the restaurant. Another twisted downwards lurch leads into a heavily overbanked hairpin turn, a sheltered hill and couple more minor airtime moments turning back towards the station and into the signature vertical spike.
87 degrees, or so they claim, the train stalls with a simple energy and begins the return journey back through the entire layout. While the speed has been lessened, the lack of anticipation while moving backwards lends itself to keeping this half just as entertaining as the start. There’s a respectable amount of ride duration for the size. A bite of the brakes hits as you pass back through the switch track, leaving only the slightest of rollbacks up the first drop, before you trickle forward and come to a full stop and a quick slide of the track lines you back up with the station.
A world’s only, no less.
Through only sharing the park with a number of guests that you could count on both hands, we enjoyed several back to back laps of satisfying coastering. It’s the perfect kind of ‘solid’ experience that would do wonders to so many locations across the globe, over the likes of, say, a monkey-laden B&M. They remained operational until reasonably late in the evening, allowing us to pop out for a quick bite to eat down the road, and then return for another handful of rides before hitting the highway to the hotel and catching up on some well earned sleep.
A revisit to Disney has been on the cards forever by now, as I had still never completed the creds. It’s been 8 years since I had last visited, which is ridiculous given what’s been done in the interim. Given the distinct lack of other major things to do since our last minute change of plans, this seemed like a suitable opportunity. It also marked the last in the worldwide set for the wife, which was another bonus.
It probably seems like everyone’s worst nightmare to book a visit to Disneyland a mere two days in advance, on a public holiday weekend. As we’ve learnt though, it’s only as hard as you make it. One of the ‘perks’ of the Paris property is that the way their hotels are priced vs. park tickets, we pretty much got a free nights stay out of it, along with the extra park hours that come with being a guest. I do wish a lot of other places around the world used this strategy, it’s always surprising to me how many ‘on-site hotels’ don’t even get you into their respective parks.
They’ve spruced up the Santa Fe accomodation since we last saw it, and it was perfectly serviceable as the lowest of the low options. Somewhere clean to lay your head for 7 hours, with a few Cars on the walls, all you really need. The staff were friendly and early-morning check-in was smooth and efficient, picking up our magic passes, being able to park right outside the room, even dump the luggage inside and take the shuttle bus to the park, all before the 08:30 magic hour for hotel guests began.
Days 3 & 4 – Disneyland Paris
And here it is. It’s been a while.
This is the sort of Disney crowding I can get behind.
First on the to-do list was Space Mountain, or #1 Star Wars Hyperspace Mountain: Rebel Mission as it is now more catchily known. This cred has eluded me since January 2007, not that I would have been brave enough to try it back then. It was closed to, eventually make it worse(?), last time and when it reopened, other actually decent things closed and it was just never that much of a priority. Why?
Because it’s just some old Vekoma looper in fancy dress (and not the only one of those on resort). And the dress isn’t even that fancy any more. It seemed a shame that it ploughs into the launched lift at some pace, only to stop on it instead of keeping that exciting momentum going. Once out of the tube, the new Star Wars overlay is… poor. The new vests restraints were appreciated. It was a thing, that happened in the dark. Went upside down a couple times, including the world’s only ‘tongue’ inversion (tick) that I couldn’t tell you what it is, turned left a lot.
I believe it used to be cool, with the old theme and music, but sadly can’t confirm. +1.
With new experiences already out of the way for this park, I’ve hit that revisit wall again. It’s going to get a bit rambly.
Buzz Lightyear. They have one of those. In fact is this the only ride that’s in every single resort in the world? S’alright.
Star Tours always intrigues me because of the seemingly endless possibilities of sequences. We gave It a couple of goes and had both a pod race on Tatooine and the legendary flight across salty old Crait that I have, for some reason, been obsessing about for many years now. Oh, and that water planet from that film I don’t like. It really has it all. Quite violent in the corner seats too, I hit my head on the rear panel at one point, which made a great noise.
Leaving Discovery Land behind it was time to rekindle with some old favourites. This was, traditionally, my favourite Big Thunder Mountain. It had some work done in the interim, but I’m pleased to report that it remains the best.
It tracks the most vigorously and therefore is the most runaway. The tunnels under the lake are insane and genius. The wildest ride in the wilderness you could say.
I think you can tell by the photos that this was a two-day visit. They’ve done a little something to Phantom Manor too. Notably to me, the pre-show is less obvious about its graphic nature and they changed the mirror scene at the end to feature a creepy ‘will you marry me [creepy laugh]’ from Emily Alton. Please exit the vehicle.
I’ve always thought this one finishes a little strangely, but is otherwise rather incredible. As with its neighbour, it haunts the most vigorously and is therefore the best haunted mansion.
It’s been so long that I’ve forgotten how different this version of Pirates of the Caribbean is, in terms of layout at least. The lift hill sequence is far more intimidating and epic looking and, in general, I’m in love with this ride too, even if Jack Sparrow now has to feature everywhere.
That’s the top 3 on park out of the way, all downhill from here. I didn’t take any other pictures besides the legendary dragon under the best castle, so that sums that up.
Casey Jr. is sweet, Indiana Jones was skipped. Peter Pan is disproportionately short for the queues it gets, therefore Pinocchio and Snow White are better. Small World had just come out of refurb and was looking pretty fresh. Philharmagic is fab. I think that’s about it. Next.
Walt Disney Studios Park
There was one new thing for me over at the other park, famed for once having a lack of things to do. I was there then, it was bad.
Marvel stuff. As one of the more forgiving fans of the MCU these days it seems, this area was a bit something and nothing to me. I guess it’s hard for a theme park, how can you sum up 50 films with a centralised, recognisable location, though it would have been cool to go for something a bit more niche than… this.
It’s a testament to the strength of something like Star Wars land I suppose. Something about that galaxy far, far away just feels so unique and lived in. This looks generic and uninteresting, with very little visual cue to tell you what it actually is.
I deplored Avengers Assemble: Flight Force. I don’t like Rock’n’Rollercoaster at the best of times, but this rode like absolute trash. Left turn, the ride, again, but far worse. I don’t know what was going on inside, just that it wasn’t impressive. The presence of Iron Man bugged me and then something about aliens, and rocks, and Captain Marvel being unnecessarily sassy. Nah.
Oh look, Spider-Man. He has a ride too, you know.
This thing is actually new, and not a rehash. The queue was pretty lame for new Disney. Pre-show room was great, loved how much was going on in there, loads of little details. Feels like most of the heart of the attraction went into this.
I can’t think of one redeeming feature about the ride itself. It was bad. Kinda expected better from nu-Ninjago tech but from my experience it created exactly the same issue. I can’t tell what the hell I’m doing. Flailing arms around didn’t seem to produce any precision or meaning. The action on screen is a blurry mess of nonsense that you can’t follow, so it wouldn’t matter if you were accurate anyway. If you’re going for the chaotic approach, I think it’s visually much better suited to something more fantasy and cartoony, which this wasn’t. Dingy warehouses and metal spiders.
They big up that you can do clever, advanced motions, but none of us could make that work, so what’s the point? I didn’t realise it would be just screen, flail, screen, flail, screen, flail end and even that was tiring, while also being disproportionately short of a ride experience for the popularity, again. And it’s not like you’d want to wait that long again to try and get better at it. Nah.
We left the area and never looked back.
From the worst Disney dark ride, to the best. God damn scary door. I was getting slightly worked up there while writing and now I’ve got the chills. I already absolutely adored Tower of Terror. They’ve made it even better.
Atmosphere of the queue and lobby is legendary as always and the French seem to have the best staff for this type of experience. One thing I noticed is that getting the pre-show in French is suboptimal, not having THE narrator voice just doesn’t quite hit as right. We ended up with English just the once though, somehow. Perfect.
it took the very first moment of the very first go to realise something was different. It dropped violently downwards immediately, which killed me. Didn’t even know that was possible. Since that, we looked it up to learn that there are three possible sequences currently. The Malevolent Machine, The Shaft Creatures and The 5th Dimension. They all feature Emily Alton again and just make it that little more creepy and special than it was before. New projections of her floating about in hallways, increased potency of jump scares in both visual and audio effects, each one ending with her skipping off while absent-mindedly humming the twilight zone tune. Little things, big difference.
Oh, and the hardware itself is still second to none. That wonderful drop tower butterfly sensation that I simply don’t get on coasters any more, hits again and again. It’s so playful, yet so vicious. The new sequences seem to toy around with it even more, teasing at the doors not opening sometimes, bouncing around unexpectedly. Extra, bonus motions like shaking, wobbling or juddering as if you’re being attacked. Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. This is why I do Disney parks.
Crush’s Coaster isn’t, but we sucked up the queue once as a reminder. Such poor capacity for such a major park, why. Ride itself was slightly better than I remember. Didn’t really recall it having actual scenes, and then it expressed a modicum of vigour in the actual layout, where some of these Maurers can otherwise be surprisingly lacking. Such a varied coaster type.
I remember not being impressed with the Ratatouille ride at all, and that was with very little experience. Considering it’s amongst my absolute favourite Pixar films, I wondered why. Fact is, it’s just not conducive to a ride experience. I enjoy these movies for their emotional beats, not the skidding around a kitchen floor. It’s overly screen heavy, from someone who is usually more forgiving about those things. It doesn’t use the trackless tech to any real effect, from someone who is very unforgiving about that. It doesn’t make sense as a story – you start in the kitchen with the short, angry guy and end up in Remy’s own kitchen. Curly hair and his love interest are working in both of them, simultaneously. Nothing happens in between these two locations to change things narratively. Why?
Talking of why, Cars. They’ve made the tram tour about it. It’s fine on the surface, some onboard video screens about driving route 66 and seeing the sights, and then seeing some sights. What doesn’t really work is the catastrophe scene with the fire and the water and the oil tanker falling off a cliff. Without context from a film I’ve never seen, the oil tanker character is enjoying what is essentially a sequence of him dying. And then you laugh and wave and say your goodbyes.
Damn, I wanted to end on a positive note, but having run out of attractions, all we have left is the night time spectacular. They started out with a lite version, using drones and stuff. It was ok.
Then the 30th anniversary, soon to end, whatever it was, simply didn’t pack the punch of the 2015 equivalent. Partially personal preference, the film representation and song choice was just a bit mediocre, with a ridiculous amount of overlap with Philharmagic. The overarching theme was Peter Pan’s shadow for some reason and there’s only so many times you want to hear Be Our Guest, Lion King and the Genie in your day. Hunchback was a curveball, but hey, France I guess. No newer stuff beyond the highlight that was Tangled and, just like Tokyo I imagined most guests left thinking ‘where was Encanto’. I don’t believe there was any appluase, which usually says it all. It also really missed having a dragon catch on fire.
Tower of Terror though. God damn.
Thus ends our long weekend in France. +9 for the count, including a new top ten in Toutatis and a Chance Toboggan. Didn’t expect either of those things. I’ll take it.
Under the last minute change of plans, the following day was purely dedicated to the pursuit of nearby creds. A number of these parks were casualties of some ferry delays last year, it’s always good to get that closure.
Day 2 – Parc d’Olhain
As such, d’Olhain was no longer gone. We arrived in the vague vicinity first; it’s a very outdoorsy place with other stuff going on, in the region of France’s weird pyramid things. It took a long walk through a forest to reach the alpine coaster on the far side.
There’s nothing remarkable about #1 Luge 4 saisons other than perhaps the deep levels of organic growth attached to the rails and the accompanying brush attachments, but a solid start to any day in the higher pursuit.
POV: you’ve just got the cred.
In the nearby city of Lille, things were cooking up a treat. Nestled within the boundaries of a moat, in the inner greenery, between zoo and castle, lies one of the many Requins in the region.
Cita-Parc
#2 Requin Express’ was on the usual French lunch break upon arrival but quickly opened up again to customers.
This donkey has no hat, but otherwise a solid performance from Cita-Parc.
Construction, get excited.
Looming over in the distance from here was a certain ride type that has been eluding me for a while now. The funfair was in town, and look what delights they had brought with them.
Wisconsin, 2021. The spite of Monster at Adventureland meant we never took in a planned visit to Little Amerricka in order to pick up one of the only known permanently operating Chance Toboggans.
Southampton, 2022. One was in town and I took the drive down, only to sit in front of it and see the whole operation closed for weather. Evil looking things, aren’t they?
Lille Funfair
Here’s a better question – why do we ride coasters that cause us pain? From someone who had landed the Southampton one, #3 Toboggan had been bigged up to be one of the worst coaster experiences ever. And so it was with trepidation that we boarded, two abreast on the operators insistence – more momentum, less room for movement.
Concerning sounds and the smell of grease fill the claustrophobic vertical lift hill, as the clunky little car inches its way up the inside of the tower. The ladder here is a novel feature, I can’t quite bring myself to picture an evacuation on one of these.
The spiral is the killer, the builder of both speed and suspense. It goes on for an age and yet is over in a flash, while you best figure out a way to brace for what’s to come. The track levels out and then immediately hits the poorly profiled drop at such a pace that bodies fly, and then come back down with a sickening crunch at the base. The landing was the worst part, but I’ve had far worse. From there it car crashes its way back to the station while you’re likely still processing the earlier parts of the circuit. Tick.
It’s rides like these that often worry me more, after the fact. Preparing for the worst and coming out relatively unscathed is a danger that can lull one into a false sense of security. Perhaps next time I will be riding alone, the car will be less padded, it may still yet be a true horror show.
#4 1001 Pattes though, can’t go wrong with those. A bonus travelling +2 was a welcome addition to the trip.
Loos Parc
Down the road is a slightly more unusual setup. Loos Parc is located within an industrial estate/retail park, round the back of an Aldi (more parts of the world need creds like this) and contains another delightful one-two punch.
#5 Requin for a dream.
And the cold steel of #6 Train de la Mine.
Both are of Turkish origin, bringing me a couple of steps closer to that highly sought out Kılıç Lunapark set. It’s their Wacky Worm with spinning cars that intrigues me the most though.
Ch’ti Parc
With the afternoon whittling on, there was just one more establishment to go. To me pronounced ‘Chitty Park’, this one is within the grounds of a larger communal green space including baseball field and canoe club (more parts of the world need creds like this).
Only a single #7 Nessi is on offer, but what a Nessi this is. The track is in invitingly good condition and it rides like the beast it so accurately portrays.
A fitting close out to a successful day. Who needs Intamin anyway?
Oops. You may well know by now about the ridiculous levels of journeys to which I’ve stooped throughout Europe in the last few years. The plan here was to head into France, pick up a certain Intamin, then head into Spain and pick up another certain Intamin. Madrid and back in 3 days, the fresh (and unused) Reunidos passes we’d just picked up, the phrase ‘Intamin it to win it’, one of those silly looking maps, it was all going to write itself. Then Batman la Fuga: Attack on Arkham Asylum didn’t open in time of course, necessitating a late swerve. Not having much luck with this so far.
Day 1 forged on as previously planned though.
Day 1 – Parc Astérix
I think coming here last year for deux Zeus was the right call, it allowed the ride enough time in the spotlight for us. This time there was only a single thing on the agenda yet again, and it most certainly took all of our attention.
And here he is, #1 Toutatis, protector of the tribe.
As a fan of pleasant surprises, I knew very little about this attraction going in. It’s been kicking around in our heads for many years that something big was going to Parc Astérix, I was there behind a camera when the ride designer explained the thinking behind the trim and we saw the spike in person last year of course. Other than that, who knows what’s going to happen here. The surprise was more than pleasant.
We begin with a little drop out of the station. I wanted this to be a Helix moment, but it wasn’t. Much more of a tease.
Within the trench, the first launch hits and immediately things get wacky. Overly banked turns, that awesome beyond sideways hangtime thing and what one would suspect are some RMC-inspired wonky hills. They all make for an endearing start.
Out of that the train audibly grates itself sideways around the, of course, under-banked piece of switch track with quite a welcome sideways lurch. An out of control entry into an out of control launch sequence. Bam.
I’ve been thinking these humpy launches are a bit gimmicky so far, but god damn have they finally nailed it on this swinger. It’s fun and zippy forwards, with a bit of float up into the failed attempt at cresting the top hat. The return run delivers some wild ejection not once, but twice. Across the hump and then hopping back out of the trench straight this time, launching further in between each. Particularly when seated further forward, this sequence is insane.
The reverse spike is alright, nothing ground breaking this time, but seemed to nearly always have a nice little interaction moment of people on the ground, in the queue for one of those stupid flat rides again, looking up and waving. Other examples of this track piece, around the world, lack this.
I’m oh so sold on the swing launch itself now as we pass it for the final time, it’s by far the best example I’ve experienced to date (hmm, which ones haven’t I experienced at the moment?). That little bit of a Taron trench feeling for extra visuals and sense of speed, combined with the mid launch out of seat moments fully justify what could otherwise be seen as faffy and suboptimal.
Talking of faffy and suboptimal, the trim. I love it. There’s some decent ejector up into the top hat and then a weird sustained moment of pause, of contemplation, just as promised. It maintains momentum of course, but if you let yourself flop a bit you’ll find yourself folding down towards the seat below in a rather satisfying manner. Good thing the cars aren’t articulating at that point. It’s at the perfect point in the layout to still do something interesting with it and not just be plain annoying. B&M.
All of this wonderful stuff has already happened, and yet the layout only starts proper now. It’s no slouch after that trim, the rest hits one after another at a very decent pace. The base of the big drop has a weird kink of a left turn that was popping air as the day went on. The stall feels like it has a slight over-correction which flips you upside-down, and then a little sideways after. This is great, because dare I say the element has otherwise become a little stale now that everyone’s doing it.
On the exit of this there’s a tree branch that they’ve just unceremoniously chunked off and it still sticks out like a lethal looking near miss. There’s airtime in another corner. There’s a stonkingly awesome ejector hill on the return leg, proper top-tier wild, it can’t be understated. A twisty one after that. All fab.
The sideways hill is potentially the most lacking moment of the whole thing. There’s too many of these in layouts now and they quite often don’t do anything. To this ones credit, it did seem to get better as the day went on, with a slight outwards pull towards the extremes of the train.
I haven’t yet mentioned the positives on this thing, you really start to notice it as you drop out of that and corner through the queue. Most sections between all the elements have a good force to them, giving you that greater contrast I always admire. That’s a plus for sure.
This final inversion is great, taken with speed and whip. It ain’t no mosasaurus but it’s different, with what felt like a bit of right to left tug and the horns of those blokes judging you.
Final overbank turn was also a weaker moment earlier in the day but grew to stick in some more positives before the hilarious and silly miniature hops into the brake run. It’s always good to end on a laugh.
Anyway, wow. This thing took me on a journey throughout the day. I loved it from the off, but only like I love a lot of other things at this point. It was clear from the first few moments alone that Toutatis is everything Pantheon isn’t. The first bit is better. The launch is better. The last bit is better. Once that was established, it became a case of how far could it climb throughout the day?
– – –
Oh, they have other rides here too, you know. But they didn’t really matter, that wasn’t what this visit was about.
Got a courtesy lap in on Pégase Express, becoming interested to learn that they’ve ripped out the bag holder system that they weren’t even using opening year. It’s such a solid family coaster, with a fantastic length to it and I love the forwards-backwards two train interaction moment.
Gave Zeus a flying visit, becoming interested to learn that it’s already a fair bit more violent than last year. Not to its detriment just yet for me, it was still a cracking ride, but if Gravity reckon Timberliners are less hard-wearing on the track then those old trains must be vicious.
Park operations still kick ass and it’s always been a very pleasant place to be, I’ve just only ever had a weird relationship with it for some reason.
– – –
Back to where it’s at though, at the end of each Toutatis lap it just felt that little bit more special. Some rides you find new things every time to appreciate, in particular I find this to be an Intamin trait. By the 3rd lap I was loving all of it. It was clear to me then that I preferred it to Velocicoaster, much more of an all killer no filler coaster.
By the 5th lap I was buzzing, thinking it’s probably just had Kondaa. The launch sequence alone just packs a punch of pacing that a -0.7G lift hill can’t.
By the 7th I was reeling. Is it better than Taiga? Then we closed the night with an 8th and I tore my rotator cuff. I think it is.
It feels like there’s going to be an ever present elephant in the room since my visit to the Point, and this marks the first time I’ve encountered it. The process of actively placing things above Steel Vengeance, because it is just too big of a legend to ignore, rather than just having casually slotted it in below other things. Putting this above Taiga did just that, and it was a huge leap, but having had my usual time to reflect on it now, I believe it’s merited.
Toutatis ticks all the boxes of my usual top ten material, just like those that came before. It’s an outstanding version of its type. It did things to me I haven’t experienced before in those backwards launches. It hurt me to hands up by the end of the day. Most importantly it was a welcome reminder to me that I’m not on some downhill slope of this hobby just yet, having wondered about becoming so jaded for not being blown away by such big names last year. Have faith, I can still feel that spark, there’s always a special set of circumstances and a special ride out there. It just needs to be my bag, and this one is just that.
After two fulfilling days of action, it was time to head back up to Oslo and put in our courtesy visit to TusenFryd. Sure, the new coaster wasn’t ready for us yet, but there were still 2 new creds and a new dark ride to be had, along with the need to pick up our as yet redundant season passes.
On route, it began to drizzle, putting a further dampener on proceedings. The website was checked and found to have a notice up now saying ‘due to extreme weather conditions, some attractions will be unavailable’. Huh. 10°C and drizzle passes for extreme in Norway? I thought better of them.
As the journey continued it began to snow. The temperature dropped to single figures, and then plummeted further still. Ok, I’ll give it to them now. As such, we pulled into the car park with very little hopes of achieving anything. There was a surprising turnout of cars, given what we already knew to be the case – some dedication against the extreme weather.
Day 3 – TusenFryd
While we queued to collect the passes, an announcement was made and the gates were open. We headed up the escalator steeped in coaster track, through the OG Norwegian loop, of a closed ride. The only ride in the entire establishment that was open was the log flume.
Already cold, wet and miserable, we opted to sit out on that delight and head towards the downhill region of the park, an area that had been cruelly closed on our last visit back in Halloween 2018. It was closed off with a sign informing us that there would be a 20 minute wait before we could proceed further.
We waited it out, with nothing better to do, and the internet already informing us of the impending disappointments lying in wait at the bottom. Sure enough a cheery staff member arrived to unleash us, and one other group towards…
#1 Supersplash. Yes, the only ride we managed on this visit was this. The dark ride was inexplicably closed (for weather?), as were all the legit coasters, leaving only the water rides in action. Somewhat more annoyingly, Spite – the Dragon was testing in the background all morning, not that it would ever operate in these conditions it seems.
Not so sure about the super, but here’s the splash. And a +1.
Thus, our visit came to a close. We camped out in the car park again for shelter, to assess the options and determine whether anything would improve. As it stood, there was still another potential +1 in HuriHuri, but the motivation was low to sit it out for potentially the rest of the day. We clearly have to come back some other time anyway, and probably this year while the passes are hot. It’s gonna be an expensive spite.
Instead we took a drive into Oslo to see some of the city and get some decent food. The weather did cheer up from here, so who knows what happened back at the park. Things got a little dicey as I trundled down some tram tracks, not 100% certain that I was supposed to, and then a policeman on a bike blocked the way and came over for a chat. Oh no.
He was very friendly and only there to inform us that the road up ahead was closed, asking where we were headed. We were then pointed in the direction of a nearby car park and continued on our merry way.
On foot, we got caught up in the midst of a Mayday parade, hence the road closure. I’ve only learnt that this was what it was after the fact, at the time just being very confused by an extended series of colourful and peaceful protests, marching bands and all, for and against just about anything you could possibly imagine.
After our sustenance was obtained, they all eventually dissipated this way, leaving a mostly unobstructed whistle-stop tour of some sights.
But I’m still waiting on a real live moose encounter.
Airport time, job done. Clearly I won’t be bothering with a map and stuff on this one. Not the best of successes, a +2 for the weekend that was meant to be a +4 (and a dark ride), but hey, Liseberg.
I’ll be back momentarily with another, bigger weekender.
Oops. We wanted to use this sudden abundance of British bank holidays for something constructive(?), but as I’ve no doubt alluded to before now, Europe is getting a little dry for me these days. For this year, with Storm – the Dragon Legend and Luna both being confirmed in advance, we formed a warm up of a one-two punch of new builds as our first selection. One of them happened anyway.
As such we flew into Oslo on a Friday night, without incident. Logistically it didn’t really matter this time, though covid seems to have killed off direct flights to Gothenburg, which is a shame for the Liseberg fan in me. While we would have originally started with one of two separate half days at Tusenfryd, Spite – the Dragon was being spiteful, rather than a legend, and had us opting to just bypass all of Norway in order to maximise our two day Liseberg tickets. Yes please.
I’ve always had mixed results residing in Gothenburg in the past. Our usual haunt is either very reasonable and convenient, or Bruce Springsteen is in town and every hotel gets absolutely massacred in both availability and affordability.
The latter appeared to be the case on this occasion, but much to our surprise the very new on-site hotel was both available and affordable. Parking was a bit of a faff, given half the city appears to be a construction site right now. I’m sure the hotel can better communicate the options in future, for now we ended up in a big multi-storey to the south of the park, dumped some luggage, wristbanded up and headed in the new, fancy looking entrance.
What did I say in my very last trip report? I’m not big on revisits. Liseberg is one of very few exceptions to that rule for me of course, yet the same applies for the trip reporting. It just doesn’t come as natural without that all-encompassing ‘new experience’ aspect, with a strict sequence of events. Talking about rides I’ve talked about before, only I take less photos and pay less attention, and that’s probably for the better, but here goes.
I can’t believe they’ve added even more to my favourite hill. There’s yet another ride to look out for when it comes to interaction and I’m all about that.
The flow of the layout is still second to none and it kicks all kinds of ass from start to finish. There’s an interesting race between nostalgia vs new design going on at this point in my career and I still wonder if it can ever be topped for me.
Lisebergbanan. Yup, still got it. New trains have given it a new lease of life as far as I can tell. Just that little bit smoother again, allowing you to feel all the ridiculous forces of yet another incredible terrain coaster, in all their glory. It’s the workhorse of the park, with admirably endless capacity, though it did manage to break itself for about an hour, including evac. That was a new one to witness.
#1 Luna then, the new kid in town.
Perfectly serviceable, I didn’t expect much beyond some killer visuals and it’s a pleasant little sit down that delivered for me.
I preferred it in the front for some surprising steepness in that spike and for me it’s better than any of the pedestrian junior boomerangs, perhaps only faltering in forces to the more significant of the ‘linear’ ones, namely Saven and the one with the goat.
The new area below looks fresh and polished, the queue is an adventure, and it photo bombs that signature shot of Helix. Liseberg have done it again. +1
Aerospin didn’t quite put the fear in me like it used to. It seems mostly a given that if you don’t want it to flip (which I don’t), it won’t. Adrenaline removed, it’s still good for the views, watching the rides below dancing around each other never gets old for me. Seems to have faltered in popularity for the moment, what with the other, more boring, new flats up there.
Speaking of boring flats, it’s a shame Atmosfear doesn’t deliver the same impact as others of its ilk. VR is still kicking around on it too, if you want it, even though it’s at least 40% observation tower. If this was a Scream or even a Donjon Extreme, well, it’s not like the park can go higher in my book, but it would, in theory.
The wheel nearby would be 100% observation tower, were it not a wheel. There’s only so many times I can talk about good views, but this one is best at night, when the Helix trains have their lights on.
As we transition to the lower half of the park, via the entertaining escalators that are steeped in history lesson, let’s talk about the new, free, virtual queue/fastrack system. I’d always appreciated the 3 free time-slotted fastracks you used to get when booking online tickets here and now on this occasion it was a case of gamifying the new system to try and beat what you got before. For the average, or less app-oriented guests that’s potentially not a good thing, you don’t want to end up with a Genie+ situation where anyone feels obliged to go the extra mile just to get a standard day. I don’t think Liseberg is that type of park though, it’s most likely just appreciated by most that they can skip standing in a queue for 40 minutes for the single lap they want on a star attraction, in order to have a nice sit down elsewhere. It’s not going to ruin your multi-million pound holiday, but they could have got 3 of those before, with prior planning anyway, and this system either gives more or less of it to you, on a plate, if you want to look for it.
What it boiled down to in the end was a lot of closing the app and refreshing. Slots throughout the day are released on an ongoing basis and as soon as you see one of the rides you want has some available, you smash that button, it most likely tells you there’s only 1 slot left, and then you reset again, hoping for that golden number that matches the size of your group. It’s clearly going to be a lot worse for larger groups, but we managed to equal the 3 skips on an abridged first day, and exceeded it with about 5 on a full second day.
Tl;dr it’s better than most parks, but not necessarily better than what they had before. Also it killed the Helix queueline app game, that’s a shame.
Balder. They fixed it up good, and didn’t count the cost, so here’s proof it can be done properly. It was running unnervingly smooth for what it really is, yet as powerful as ever. A real, all-round good time. I have my own personal gripes with the layout, but that never stops it from being a contender for best wood in Europe.
Valkyria. Best dive, this park is full of bests. This one just hauls like no other of the type does. Speed, pace, good inversions, even airtime. The smaller trains are more my bag, I don’t care about height records, nor the vests, just give me an action packed ride that tracks well. It does that, and looks and sounds fantastic while doing so.
Loke. Best spinning swinging thing. Tigeren may have been slightly bigger, but Loke seemed more powerful at the peaks this time. Again it’s helped by all that lovely ride stuff going on around you to look at, beyond trees, while being endlessly flung from your seat.
The rapids. There was a stranded boat full of riders near the start which we promptly overtook and may well still be there to this day. It’s exactly the sort of event that endeared me to this ride and park in the past, and it’s great to know it wasn’t an isolated incident. This ride is unhinged, it embraces chaos, as all good rapids should.
The log flume. I hear this one might be on it’s last season, so we gave it a good send off.
Love the layout, the long and slow build up the hillside, culminating in a unique and mildly terrifying drop sequence. I have faith that whatever replaces it will do this justice. Don’t let me down.
I believe all that leaves us with is dark ride time. Underlandet was also new to us here and how cute is this thing? Great theme, great queue, great signage. Love the rabbit mascots, very glad they’re embracing them even more than before, both with the ride and the whole kids area it resides in. Love the ride system, and the theming, didn’t quite get what was going on with Electric Bill in his younger years, even after multiple laps, but it looked fun.
Something was off by the end of the day. The music in the Helix station shut off half an hour early, and they seem to have adopted a new policy of closing all queues such that they will be cleared by park close. Which is a shame, as this didn’t use to be the case. I’m gonna give them the benefit of the doubt and assume it’s for ecological reasons.
The policy did get particularly concerning at the end of our first day however, upon discovering that it existed and then sprinting around in the final few minutes to see if we could catch a cheeky cycle elsewhere. We reached Uppswinget (guess I forgot this one, best Screamin’ Swing) with 7 minutes on the clock and 10-15 kids in the still open queue, ready for one more load.
The attendant came down to the turnstiles and decided to dismissively turn them (and by extension, us) away, while shiftily clutching at his forearm and never once looking them in the eye. Eventually he revealed his wristwatch to display a time of 20:01. They countered with multiple phone screens that contradicted this and we also corroborated that it was in fact 19:54. Nevertheless, he was obviously out to sour someone’s day and that was that. In the time it took to argue the point, they could have just run the ride.
I’ve never had to take issue with this park before, I suppose if you visit these places enough times there will always be some chance encounter such as this. It stings a little when it’s your favourites though. Your move, Dollywood.
As for the Hotel Grand Curiosa, it was comfortable, very nicely decorated, breakfast was huge and varied in a nicely themed restaurant with good music and a couple of robot waiters making a fool of themselves. Would recommend.
