Off to Japan then. The main inspiration within the inspiration and draw for the region this time around was the northern island of Hokkaido. Somewhere I’d never been and home to that certain special coaster, among others.
So flew direct to Sapporo from Shanghai, budget airline, nice and cheap. Was due to land late morning and drive over to the first park for early afternoon, but to this day I don’t really know what happened. There were no significant delays involved but every little step along the way just snowballed with minor time hemorrhages. From the flight, to immigration, to customs, to lunch, to the car hire shuttle bus, to the car hire, to my prepaid eSim not working, to the car sat nav being a poor alternative…
Though I had anticipated approximately 3 hours to play with, including all travel faff, we actually ended up with just 45 minutes on park. Not good.
Day 2 – Hokkaido Greenland
To start things off, the parking attendant wanted to make extremely sure we were aware of this fact, at least 3 times over and in many different forms of communication – we’re closing soon. Understood. As a cheeky bonus this led to being waved in without paying for the car park, so that was nice.
Then a slight panic at the entrance because it was obviously too late to all in on a ride pass. Pretty much every regional park out here offers entrance, pay per ride and wristband separately, to suit everyone’s needs.
The panic was of course getting entry only, and then not really knowing what the queues were, where the rides were, what to hit up, what ride tickets to buy, where to buy said ride tickets. I could physically feel the clock ticking as we stepped inside.
Started out on this little crocodile fronted #1 Wani Wani Coaster anyway, as it was in sightline, so pretty strong.
Then the actual priority for this park was the big jet coaster, in case we never made it back, though I was already furiously calculating how to in the back of my mind.
The day was lost here as it had a pretty significant queue, taking around half an hour or so before landing in the last train of the day. Bit of a shame they closed at 5pm sharp in the height of summer, while seemingly rather busy for what I know of these parks, but still better than Alton Towers.
Anyway #2 GO-ON was glorious. I’m a sucker for just chilling on this ride type, but it actually had some strong forces to it, while riding very well, for what it is.
The profiling of some of the hills is uncharacteristically sharp and near the back they were popping off rather nicely.
The awkward Arrow-style manual banking and transitions also managed to be a source of entertainment rather than discomfort and it simply goes-on for an absolute age, not least for the multiple minutes on the lift hill. Overall it just hit a magic spot for me in that moment, where you catch yourself amongst the chaos, reflecting on where you are and what you’re doing. Back in Japan at long last, doing what they do best. Love it.
So with 2 coasters down, 2 coasters and a dark ride to go, had to leave at that point, head hung in shame. Park incomplete.
Continued to have internet and navigation issues into the night, which happened to include a multiple hour journey into the depths of the island, but made it to an excellent hotel in one piece and got everything working flawlessly for the rest of the trip, so expect a better showing from here on out.
Hello and welcome back to another edition of complaints about weather and ride availability.
I’ve always loved travelling in Japan, including for creds, so it’s been far too long since my last visit at just over 6 years. There’s something about their average +1s that just aren’t your normal overpriced wacky worm or powered dragon. Ok there’s still a lot of powered dragons. But as a sucker for many of the Japanese ride manufacturers, including my boys at Togo and the simple pleasures of the native Jet Coaster, it’s always been a jolly time.
The main inspiration for this trip was simple FOMO, in that I get the continuing sense of their industry continuing to die, outside of Disney and Universal. I’ll soon be mourning the loss of another of my namesake and there’s one in particular that’s just been on my bucket list for far too long now.
We’ve got to get there first though, with price and routing ending up taking us through Shanghai, which I instantly saw as an opportunity for a 24-hour stint to nab something else that’s been eluding me for what feels like forever.
Day 1
Thus proceedings began on a BA flight that was delayed over an hour after boarding, for having a faulty radar system and then air-con that spat ice over everyone when it was turned on, both of which needed fixing by an engineer. It came very close to a full evacuate the plane and put us on another one situation, which would have sucked immensely no doubt, but thankfully they got it sorted.
It didn’t really matter, was just boring and an opportunity to moan at the British. We landed in China bright and early, took too long to get an on-the-spot Visa, grabbed a SIM card, Didi to the hotel, dropped off bags, Didi to the park, breathe.
When I say bright, it was already 38°C by 08:30, so it was right back into the seemingly inescapable furnace. Oh, what park? This one.
Shanghai Haichang Ocean Park
Though I’ve never graced its gates, I feel like I’ve had this place on at least 5 separate Chinese itineraries. Have always phoned ahead because it’s an ass to get to from actual Shanghai, being like an hours drive south of the airport that’s also a long way out of actual Shanghai. They are extending a metro line down this way though it seems. Anyway we were always, inevitably, being told that Steel Dolphin was closed. So pretty spiteful, just indirectly.
This time however it was all systems go. Asked again on the door for final verification and then headed in, aflame, to witness a launch and then some happy(?) riders pass me by on both sides of this bridge.
However, upon arrival at the entrance, it had been closed off, only slowly eating through the remainder of its sweaty queue. Broke the cardinal rule of asking the entrance staff why, by putting the words in their mouth of ‘too hot?’ ‘Yes, too hot.’ You can come up with any of your own reasons for these situations and they’ll just nod and agree to save coming up with another excuse, regardless of the truth.
The good news was that it was scheduled to reopen again in a few hours, after the ride ‘cooled down’, if we believe it. The weather certainly didn’t.
The bad news was having to stay in the park another few hours.
There is a +1 just opposite, this lumpy Zamperla #1 Family Coaster with a penguin pilot on the front of the train. Took a few cycles but got the job done.
Then headed over to find somewhere or something indoor. Being an ‘ocean park’ it’s quite animal exhibit focused, so this whole building was full of sharks and stuff.
We then got stuck in a miserable counterflow of literally thousands of guests pouring out of a dolphin show or equivalent, while trying to get to a cable car over to another indoor area. Turns out the cable car was upcharge, in a park that cost me more than Disneysea this trip, so that was a defiant no.
Disgusting weather and disgusting crowding was doing no favours to the park and travel exhaustion was quickly catching up to us. With around an hour ’til Steel Dolphin I decided to just camp it for fear that the queue would instantly be ruined again upon opening and make the visit even more lengthy than necessary. I did at some point have grand schemes of knocking this out in an hour and heading over to the new Legoland, but though that’s also ‘in’ Shanghai they couldn’t be further apart, at about 3 hours journey. Next time.
My fears were confirmed as it got quite sweaty in more than one sense of the word, around 30 mins beforehand, with growing guest attention blocking the entire pathway, all jostling for position and awkwardly staring down the ride host. After a poor attempt at crowd control which turned into a bit of an unruly scrum that included queue-jumping, I stood my ground. They eventually caved and opened the queue a bit earlier, the obvious logical option anyway – where could we possibly store all of these people waiting for a ride?
Upon powering through the queue, staff were handing out water balloons to each guest as a bit of fun and source of coolant, one of the few positive touches about the place. Not sure if we were supposed to drop them on the LSMs or something to help the ride out.
The ride also reopened a little early, thankfully, ended up on the second despatch, back row. There’s a bit of a familiar Taron grunt to the first launch, something which no doubt garnered a lot of excitement back in the day for this ride, when such rides were such a hot topic.
It’s a little more unjustified here as #2 Steel Dolphin borders a little more on the family-thrill side. There were a handful of standout moments in the back, a wonky off axis hill, a lurch out of the top hat and another similar one into a tunnel around halfway through. There’s also just a lot of weird pacing and meandering however, seemingly to suit certain ideas they had around the visual presentation of the ride.
Passing along the bridge the first time just has this forceless flat hump, and then much of the cornering soon after is done for the look over the entrance plaza rather than the onboard experience.
The return trip over the bridge contains the second launch and it’s another of my bugbear ones, perhaps one of the first designs to do it, it’s just a tiny little brr to squeeze out maybe 5-10Mph more. There’s no satisfying or sustained regaining of momentum, that gloriously raw, multi-launch moment of ‘here we go again.’ Just a quick little oops, could have designed that better, oh well, on we go. Inverse trims.
What follows after is a snakey bit through some foliage and around the back of the station building to the brakes. It’s ok, there’s nothing special going on here, no build to a climax. Just a perfunctory petering out to join the track back up at the end, which is a shame.
So, eh, not the most redeeming of arcs for a ride that had eluded me for so long, but glad to get the name off the hit list. It was fun enough. Wouldn’t and couldn’t queue again in those conditions. Would have lapped it given standard Chinese crowd levels, but I think the Venn diagram overlap for both that and the coaster being open is quite slim.
Coasters complete we checked out the other big indoor bit and saw some of this.
They have a 4D cinema but I wasn’t queuing for it.
While trawling through the Parks & Trip Reports page checking for dead space it struck me that there’s no love on here for good old Thorpe Park. Having lived less than an hour away from it since birth and having gone to the place far too much already, obviously I’ve never written a trip report about it.
R.I.P.
From having family focus and a farm to becoming the nation’s thrill capital, Thorpe has seen quite a change over the years. Sadly my first visit (the one where I didn’t ride anything anyway) took place in the midst of this transition so I never got to experience the park when it had dark rides and stuff. There’s also been an unhealthy dose of remove the good and install the bad more recently and I could spend a while moaning about that, but there’s enough of that around already.
Today I’ll just have to cast history aside and talk about rollercoasters again. There’s only 78 of them, I won’t keep you long.
2025 update – last year was a massive year for the UK coaster scene and Thorpe Park in particular, with the opening of Hyperia. It’s had me visiting multiple times again, something which hasn’t been happening for many, many years now, so I guess it’s pretty obvious where it stacks up…
#8 Flying Fish
Struggling for pictures here, but there’s only one place to start this list. Runaway Train at Chessington was one of the first major attractions I ever rode and this Fish is just the same thing in a field with none of the effort.
#7 X:\ No Way Out/X (not confusing at all)
Ooh, struggling to pick what comes next. I think it’s this although I always enjoyed the onride atmosphere whether it was in backwards mode or rave mode (awful, awful queue). As a coaster it never really gets going thanks to the multiple block sections and we would often use the time spent on these discussing how one could utilise these to improve the experience. Surprisingly I haven’t yet actually seen the real life attempt at this, in the form of The Walking Dead: The Ride. I have now, it’s awful. Circa 2018 I still held a Thorpe only annual pass because it was dirt cheap and I liked to pop in for a couple of hours when the opportunities arose. They held an introductory event for passholders but the retheme failed to open to the public on that day. So they invited us back several months later for an ‘even more special’ introductory event. And it failed to open again. The same year I noticed that I couldn’t even blitz the park on a mid week September visit (i.e. empty) without queueing what I would personally consider to be extortionate amounts of time (i.e. 20 minutes) and I haven’t been back untilHyperia.
#6 Colossus
This is a shame, because the ride is (was) a legend. No points for creativity on the layout itself, but the way they blended this huge, record breaking coaster into the landscape is totally admirable. I used to like the ride a lot. It provided me with my very first inversions (all 10 of them) and I remember a time when doing back to back laps of the thing to close out the day was an exciting prospect and something to be proud of. Now it’s just there, steadily getting less interesting as hundreds more of the same model get thrown up around the world without a second thought. I have no desire to ride it any more because a) it’s not that good and b) it’s not that special. Stop me please, I’m moaning about clones again, but this is one of the reasons why – status. Colossus was a big name in the UK, even just being a rollercoaster that your average person knows by name is an achievement in itself. It broke records, set standards, had an identity. Then China builds a couple more of the same – oh no, it’s not unique any more but it’s alright, I’m the only man who actually experiences this sacrilegious act. Oops, watch out, there’s one in Italy. And then this daft idea happens and I’ll say no more.
#5 Stealth
From one British icon to another, I won’t mention the fact that this one got cloned too. It bothers me less because you’d hardly call this a layout and it’s become a bit of a ride type in its own right – a way of making things go very high and nothing else. Aside from the lightning quick duration of the ride I have to admit that the sensation of launches on their own don’t particularly excite me any more. It’s my own loss, I’ve just ended up doing a fewtoomany and the impact just isn’t as prominent as it once was. Once that’s gone, there’s nothing much left of Stealth. A bit of an ‘nnnnnngh’ into shoulder restraints over brake fins and the sound of someone’s makeup bag exploding into the car around you. Unlike Colossus this ride still has presence though, and I appreciate that. The strong thematic experience of the whole Amity area with the seemingly endless Big Bob on WWTP radio loops, the existence of Tidal Wave and side plot of ’50s drag racing might just be the most quality thing about Thorpe Park.
#4 Saw: The Ride
Despite it being the first rollercoaster I really followed the construction of, I took basically no pictures of this once it opened. All I’ve got is this terrible one that wouldn’t even pass as ‘artsy’. There may be some twisted reason as to why I did follow this one, beyond the fact that I was old enough to have free reign of the internet and it was being built at my local park. I was also a fan of the Saw franchise. Mmm… torture porn. I was talking about status above and things just stick in your mind about some rides. 1) There was a BBC Radio 2 talk show about how inappropriate the branding of this ride was. The arguments amused me to no end and I just enjoyed the fact that it was getting attention. 2) Based on hearing this my Dad decided to start telling me to stop riding these rollercoasters because the forces aren’t good for your brain (1000 later he still does! Sorry). 3) It made my cousin cry. This type of stuff helps a ride to become a legend in it’s own right and the fact that it has both retained the brand and remained uniqu- “Excuse me.” “Wait, what?” There’s one in Australia? Oh it’s alright, I haven’t done that one yet and err… it has a different theme.” “Hypocrite.” -as an attraction means that Saw: The Ride still interests me. It’s far from the best of coasters but I do enjoy the dark ride elements and on the days when the train decides not to slow down in the second half of the layout it packs a particularly violent punch.
#3 Swarm
Aww, I like Swarm. Everyone says it’s boring and bleak and while standing in the queue I’ve literally seen guests playing a game of cards on it mid ride in mock fashion (I hope) of the apparent forcelessness. To illustrate that point better than I ever could, here’s a man in sunglasses. Mr. ‘Launches don’t excite me’ over here actually sees stars on the sustained turn around the water so doesn’t personally see the logic. The near miss elements are cool in the right seat and the inversion over the station is, well, it’s good to watch. Sometimes there’s fire! and the year they turned the back seats around (brave it backwards) was a stroke of genius. I laughed uncontrollably from start to finish on this version, had a ridiculous amount of fun and miss it deeply.
#2 Nemesis Inferno
Another UK park, another B&M invert near the top. It’s no wonder I used to consider it one of the most consistent ride types in the world (don’t worry, just like everything else I’ve since put myself off that idea too). Inferno feels like the most complete rollercoaster package in the park, partly thanks to the quirky little pre-lift dive through the volcano but mostly just from the fact that it’s the most quality piece of hardware at Thorpe. There’s a flow and grace to these that you’ll struggle to find anywhere else in the country and it seems to be getting more forceful as the years go by – ageing like a good cheese. Personally I’ve never been offended by the whole Nemesis branding comparison because I’m not overly attached to the original and in my eyes they’re definitely not worlds apart as an onboard experience. I view this one just for what it is and it’s a cracking coaster.
#1 Hyperia
Yes, the latest and greatest from Thorpe Park comfortably took the crown for me. Upon visiting in opening year, it quickly blew me away with the power of it’s initial innovative elements, although the second half of the already short ride left a little to be desired. Having gone back a couple times since in 2025, the ride has only improved, with rumours swirling around new wheel compounds or other methods to make the train run reliably run faster, or at least not get stuck in one of the valleys as it had been doing a little too regularly. In any case, I’ve experienced a noticeable extra kick to the final two hills that follow the (already no longer functioning) splash section and trim brake. While this still results in a ride that leaves you wanting more, because it’s just so damn short, every element now hits, and hits hard, and I love it for that.
Bonus Round
One of my favourite rides in the park isn’t actually a rollercoaster and I wanted to give a shout out to Detonator. Whenever I spent a cheeky hour in the park it was Swarm, this, Inferno, this, leave. Buzzing. Now it’s Hyperia, this, Inferno, leave. I’m not big on flat rides but I am a sucker for drop towers. With the majority of my hobbying life now dominated by a lack of butterflies in the stomach on even the most vicious of airtime, a top tier drop tower can still have that gorgeous effect on me and this is a prime example, right on my doorstep. This little Fabbri absolutely destroys most of the much more significant towers I’ve ridden throughout the world. They’re all heartless, soulless and comparatively forceless. Whether Thorpe are playing the ticking time bomb soundtracks, mindgames over the microphone or running it in absolute silence (none of these now, the new theme is bad) it still gets my nerves going. It cheats, supposedly, it kicks the car downwards rather than leaving things to pure freefall, and that makes all the difference. Why can’t they all do that?
We’ve reached the end at last. Final day started out a lot more optimistic in my head because although Great Adventure is downtwo coasters, it’s also up oneclone. And free.
Reality soon kicked in when we mathed out going though and it was at that point in the two week trip where you start to just care less – the New Jersey effect. It would surely make for another miserable day trying to combine it with
Day 14 – Luna Park
Bit of a legend this one, but not one I’ve ever been particularly excited for. When you’re flying in or out of JFK airport, this being the first time we had willingly done that, it seems silly not to pop in for the intense coaster injection.
The lack of excitement stems from it being a Zamperla catalogue showcase, you know that Italian company that also poorly modifies 400ft launch coasters. So aside from a beach and the name, there’s really not much glamour to it.
There’s the beach.
First up was #1 Tony’s Express, a name no doubt much more effective with a New York accent.
As a coaster it was pretty poor, though it looks the part, vibrating in an unpleasant fashion for the entirety of the two laps, far more so than it should for a family coaster anyway.
Integrated log flume is a nice touch, I guess.
Next to that is the #2 Thunderbolt, which was a faff of a queue for 10 people because the loose item storage window acts entirely optional but then the staff in the station wait until the last second to make it mandatory and then send everyone back to the window, through other people and a turnstyle after having scanned their tickets or wristbands.
They’re a faff of a ride too really, still not a fan of the restraints, to no surprise. Comes down in such an unprecedented place, mid-leg, which negates any decent force it may or may not have. Most notably this had less violent ejector than the Alabama equivalent, which could be seen as a blessing or a curse.
Next to that is #3 Steeplechase, one of these horrible things again. But horseys, not motybikes.
Then there’s a Mini Mouse model called #4 Mini Mouse. Didn’t have the imagination to call it Tuff Tuff Taget.
The #5 Tickler, which didn’t tickle.
The #6 Circus Coaster, which to me is famous for being the best coaster at that park in China with the worst coaster lineup in the world. Still waiting on someone to find me a worse one.
Oh and the #7 Cyclone I guess. Turns out if you go as hardcore as us, then this is the best parking spot as it’s reasonably priced for a 2 hour stint, which is plenty for 10 one and dones. Vibes are guaranteed, safety is not.
I was more worried for the ride however, it has built a reputation over the years for being a murderous old thing on and off.
It was fine however, always good to get on an icon and quite fun in our forcefully blagged non-wheel seat. Bit of bounce, bit of force, super cushy and comfy seating which is always one of the highlights of things like this.
Definitely the only real reason to come really, it even stands alone from the rest of the park. I like the fact that you enter from an actual street, through a protective cage.
And this view, I like this view.
Confusingly, in the middle of Luna Park lies
Deno’s Wonder Wheel Amusement Park
Where drink will flow and blood will spill. They have a separate ticketing system for their attractions, which include highlights such as
The #8 Sea Serpent. No review required.
and the #9 Skyflyer. No review required.
Again we’d saved their best for last with #10 Phoenix, which during the trip I had managed to convince myself was another S&S and then, post Dutch Wonderland, was concerned about.
It’s a Vekoma though, thankfully, words we can safely utter this decade. Pretty decent too, but I’d put it below the Orkanen layout and above the Kvasten one. Bit less swoopy and forceful, more faffy with the space. 2 laps is nice for the pay per ride.
Luna Park
I lied, I hadn’t saved the best for last, I had saved the worst for last.
Ending the trip on a Volare seemed oddly cathartic, except that #11 Soarin’ Eagle turned out to be the best damn Volare I’ve ever ridden.
It was (relatively) smooth, I put myself in the perfect position and it performed an appropriate amount of braking throughout, to not get too out of hand. Zamperla’s new best of the trip.
I lied, we didn’t end the trip on a Volare. After making record time it turned out we had driven past a Wacky Worm up the road.
Adventurers Family Entertainment Center
didn’t even have photos on RCDB, which is amazing considering their location. Less so when they ignore your submissions.
This guy on #12 TL*3 Coaster does though, and he’s about as gone as I was at this stage.
Free parking and a +1, what’s not to love? Better than Cedar Point.
Yay, Summary time.
Total states – 15 New creds – 78 New dark rides – 9 New parks – 19 New RMCs – 0 Best new coaster – Behemoth(?) Best coaster – Wicked Cyclone(*) Best new dark ride – Whispering Pines Hotel Best new park – Story Land Best park – Knoebels Distance travelled – 3357 Miles Spites – 17/95 (17.89%)
Kinda rough overall, the numbers don’t always sell the story but no Alpenfury, no Top Thrill 2, no Goliath, no Siren’s Curse, no Quantum Accelerator, no Crazy 8 Family Coaster, pretty much all the reasons we chose and planned this particular trip, brings it into perspective a little more. Plus I would have liked to actually say goodbye to Batwing and Wild One, having made the effort.
Boulder Dash (eventually), the Maine and New Hampshire parks were nice to finally get to, Canada was not, and we ended up relying rather heavily on some old favourites in Kennywood, Knoebels and Kings D to save our souls.
Had a lot of fun anyway, despite the complaining, it’s either still my favourite thing to do right now or I’m too far gone to know any better.
Should have been telling stories about more European creds around about now but it’s still 2025. Guess it’s time to go back to my roots.
Six Flags America is gone. Or at least it will be at the end of 2025. It was for this reason that we deemed it worthy of a farewell visit. Plus it had a +1. Plus it was free.
After the trip we had been having I had rather been rooting for it to bring a bit of an underdog arc, a fitting closing to its career, a good day out. It wasn’t to be.
Day 13 – Six Flags America
Things started fine after a long drive, some merciful clouds in the sky, minimum crowds and the B&M that was closed for conversion last time we visited was in operation.
Thus we began on #1 Firebird. Front row. Floorless. It was ok.
Fair play to it really, generally these ex-stand-up things kinda suck, but the layout manages to still be mildly interesting and it rides pretty well for the sheer age of it. Once was enough though.
Joker’s Jinx e-stopped itself on the launch, which must have been a pleasant experience for all involved. Don’t care, clone.
Superman – Ride of Steel rode like ass, Darien Lake was infinitely better. Once was enough.
Roar rode like ass, GCI have come a long way, on and off. Once was enough.
Batwing was closed. Best ride here, RIP.
Wild One was closed. Best ride here, RIP.
Ragin Cajun wasn’t closed. Probably see you around.
Not great then, I used to like this place but the ride availability was pretty abysmal on this occasion and it was a little sad to see it out this way ourselves. I’ve seen and heard of other visits that were fine though and I hope they can hold it together for at least a decent final, final day. Better than Cedar Point, but shan’t be missed.
Kings Dominion
Down the road and hoping to steal the footfall is old mate Kings D. Happy 50th.
Feels like we’ve been here a lot, and we have, they’re always cooking up a cred or two in conjunction with our visits.
And this time was no exception, with #2 Rapterra mooching around. The new area felt very Merlin in implementation, there’s an illusion of effort in presentation sprinkled around, but something just feels off about it.
Wasn’t impressed with the ride at all. Shakes quite badly throughout, has no particularly interesting forces to speak of, then ends on the classically uncomfortable roll for extra vest bite into your collarbone on the brakes. Once was enough.
Which meant that the better new cred of the park was the #3 Great Pumpkin Coaster because they let adults on now.
Then it was time for Twisted Timbers to kick our ass repeatedly. I’ve gushed about this one enough before, along with the fact that it’s better than Steel Vengeance. The fact that it was walk on and we weren’t dying from heat stroke also brought the trip full circle and back into my good books with some mid-sized RMC-based destruction.
Rode Grizzly but didn’t take a picture. It’s vastly improved with the retracking work and was actually pretty fun, not least for the station banter about it actually being Shockwave in disguise. Better than Rapterra.
Rode Racer 75 but didn’t take a picture. Happy 50th. Great woodie. Old, smooth, straight, full of airtime and with a bonus bit of racing fun. Felt like they’d added the Yoy-style poorly tuned lift hills that try and catch up with each other but always overshoot, which added to the charm. Better than Rapterra.
305 was closed but I was kinda glad because it’s an ugly colour and has a stupid name now. It will never be the same without being told to start my engines.
Eiffel Tower was closed as it seemingly always has been and always will be.
But they have this and Cedar Point doesn’t. Better than Rapterra.
Overall a great time at a great park and I’ve clearly run out of things to say.
The following morning we hit up another park on the Lake Compounce pass, one that we’ve looked at several times during trips over the years and figured was never quite worth the gate price.
It’s not.
So perfect opportunity.
Or not.
Day 12 – Dutch Wonderland
Security checks kinda block you from a decent entrance shot here, which is a shame.
Things started ok as we walked straight onto #1 Merlin’s Mayhem, S&Seses answer to the Vekoma suspended family coaster. I had hoped better for them, but it has no real reason to exist. Was rather rattly throughout, better off with the originals.
Immediately from here the usual shenanigans resumed. Walked to the other two coasters and found them both closed with no signs of life. I figured as there’s not a huge amount to do here, maybe there was some form of staggered openings going on, but they could have easily said so.
Walked to the Wonder House, a haunted swing thing – madhouses before they were cool, and stood at its entrance for 15 mins or so. It was playing ‘station’ audio announcements and unlike the coasters had no sign to say that it was closed. Turns out it was closed.
So we went to guest services to find out what the deal was, which requires leaving the park and getting a hand stamp, for some reason. The deal was they didn’t really know, and that all of the rides ‘should’ be open.
“Oh, but not the wonder house because it’s too hot.” “Well we’ve been round the park and there’s a lot not open.” “Oh, we don’t know then.” “So, does anyone know?” “No.”
It was around the climax of this conversation that I chose to reflect on something that had been nagging at me since our arrival in the park. Dutch Wonderland is a 5 time consecutive winner of Best Family Park in the World. Sure that’s just the Golden Ticket awards, and they notoriously suck, but in person this seemed far more egregious than the usual subjective ‘oh it’s just not my favourite rollercoaster, but I’m sure someone likes it.’ And this insult to the amusement industry is plastered everywhere, from the entrance to the park maps.
Had a good laugh about that for a minute anyway, then we resorted to our fast-becoming favourite activity of sitting on a bench waiting for a rollercoaster to open. During this time the entertainment came mainly in the form of other guests making a consistent habit of approaching, seeing the rides were closed and then loudly complaining about the fact that everything was closed.
Eventually, to no fanfare, this opened. I’ve forgotten what it’s called so, RCDB… #2 Kingdom Coaster.
I’d like to say we had a good run of new woodies on this trip for being at least above mediocre. This was about the least remarkable of the lot. At least it’s purple.
Being at the Best Family Park in the World hadn’t done much to raise our spirits, while Google’s threat of thunderstorms was looming over basically every other park we had planned for the rest of the trip.
However as we prepared to sack this one off and rechecked an actual contender for best park in the world, it turned out that the forecast had changed significantly in our favour.
Not only that, Flying Turns had just opened for the day. The decision to leave this place and it’s last potential spiting +1 couldn’t have been made more easily.
Knoebels
I love Knoebels, no other park does it like them. They deserve all the golden tickets.
Only thing we missed last time was their ever-finicky homebrew wooden bobsled thing.
The high tech weighing procedures and distribution of guests in the station is a great contrast to the traditions of the ride concept. Then we almost didn’t get it again as it threw a wobbly right at the point of dispatch, but this was quickly rectified, thankfully.
#3 Flying Turns is definitely a ride for which you need to sit back and think about what it does, to realise how awesome that is. I found onboard that it didn’t manage to express itself in an overly obvious way, though it was a little unhinged in the odd moment here and there. Maybe like many rides with this seating arrangement it’s all about the freedom. I was pretty wedged.
Park complete and there was only one thing on our minds. Phoenix. Lots and lots of Phoenix.
Much like Phantom’s Revenge this delivers an experience that I found was quite easy to downplay over time as to just how incredible it is. It simply sneaks up on you, in the midst of an epic (or in this case, less so) rollercoaster road trip and pow, has you questioning everything you know about rides and rankings.
I called it a list breaker back in 2022 and didn’t know what to do with it, after months of deliberation giving what felt like just a token spot in the top 25.
It did all that to me again from the first lap alone, there’s just nothing else like it that offers that raw but well executed, controlled but not controlled, safe but not safe, wooden coaster buzz bar ejection. Again and again until you’re physically hurt and can’t take any more. In the best way.
We see a lot through this hobby that rides can live or die on their restraint design and comfort or lack thereof. It lends a lot of weight to the grab them while you can mentality. They could very easily ruin this one at any time, I pray that they don’t. It’s so special. And better than Steel Vengeance.
Rode that until the thunderstorm warnings closed it anyway, instantly refunding our ride tickets, then headed over to the Haunted Mansion because I like it and it doesn’t care about rain.
Not quite as top tier as I remember, a few effects were broken and a few more obnoxious noises to balance it. Still a good vibe.
And that’s what Knoebels is about. Just a lovely place to be. I’m no park food connoisseur, mostly because park food mostly sucks, but Knoebels has some of the best and tons to choose from. And it’s reasonably priced. And it’s free to get in. And it’s free to park. And there’s trees. And it’s not Cedar Point.
The thunderstorm never hit in the end so we got to use the tickets we had believed were destined for another year. I had just enjoyed a ton of that food and was starting to feel the effects of getting old, but Phoenix remained glorious as ever.
Then we bought a ton of merch and left, happy as can be.
As soon as we knew we were getting the Lake Compounce passes, it was decided that Kennywood had to be on the cards. A true stand out of a park from one our previous slogs through the region and we still needed a dark ride and a +1.
Original plan was to hit the second park of the day first thing and then close the evening out in magical fashion at Kenny, but the continuing weather crisis quickly put paid to that notion.
Day 11 – Kennywood
Thankfully the only ride that was down here was the car park escalator. We’re back.
First thing you come to and first thing we needed was the Old Mill.
Was great to get on such an ancient dark ride and have a relaxing indoor sit down, laughing at a few skeletons along the way.
Jack Rabbit delivered a good time, with the unconventional layout and ‘that hill’ it never fails to. Park has a strong classic woodie game.
Spotted this Knex Vekoma version of Steel Curtain hiding in an arcade.
And there’s the real thing. Actually open in 2025, what a miracle. Steel Curtain has never let us down and it’s a fantastic ride. I’m always a sucker for things you can’t really get anywhere else, it’s just an unhinged modern take on multi-loopers with some good airtime chucked in, which rides both forceful and well.
Plus the whole package of the queue music, the football themed station announcements and build up, a man pushing buttons, the dispatch sequence, the trains, the look of the layout. Just find the whole attraction really well done (structural issues aside) and, even for style points, there’s nothing else like it. Wanted to buy my first shirt of the trip but as it’s America, the smallest they had was a large.
The cred we were missing was the #1 Lil’ Phantom, so this was of course obtained next. My first ever Molina & Son’s coaster, isn’t that something.
Did Ghostwood Estate, mainly for the shade, and then Thunderbolt, another great Woodie. The hill it’s built on with Phantom’s Revenge is one of those special places in a theme park for me. Interaction, views, it inspires things.
Hadn’t done the Noah’s Ark walkthrough before, and it was also pretty fantastic for some wacky funhouse antics. Shame Blackpool got rid of theirs, though I can see why with the clientele.
Cheat shot.
And then Phantom’s Revenge absolutely destroyed us in the best way. The comfy, unassuming armchair seats combined with forgetting how incredibly ridiculous the airtime is at the end, it’s just another masterful design. The build, the speed, the climax. Better than Steel Vengeance.
One lap of the park at a steady pace was all we could manage both physically and before we had to move on, but it was all we needed to remind ourselves how much we love this place. There’s an inescapable charm to it. A free visit, a +1. Perfect.
About an hour down the road it was time to put the pass to another use at
Idlewild & Soak Zone
We rolled into the park just as a thunder storm hit, which led to a rather special sequence of circumstances.
Firstly, the place was dead as almost everyone had just poured out and called it a day. Didn’t look good for the creds at the very least.
Secondly, we had no idea where we were going or what to expect. Turns out its like Farup Sommerland and you get your wristbands at a drive-thru window, but then there’s no real entrance.
All we found as we headed towards what looked like rides was a sign saying go back and enter through Story Land.
So we entered Story Land through this book and inside was Old Mother Goose, Raggedy Ann and Andy. Real life. We were all equally confused and amused as to why we had found ourselves in this situation, as they probed for details, in character, and managed to be the only people on the trip to compliment our Britishness.
A perfect storm of we’re lost, but we’re playing along, combined with thinking we hadn’t just arrived for the day and assuming all the rides were closed for weather led to a list of tips of how to enjoy Story Land in the meantime.
Catch is that Story Land does not lead to the rides, just more confusion on our part, the highlight of which was being asked to enter a house. “What’s inside?” I asked. “Geppetto” was the only response.
And he was, proceeding to tell us a bunch of stuff in character, all while we’re silently thinking ‘where’s the rollercoaster?’
After about 20 minutes of being lost in Story Land, we admitted defeat and asked Raggedy Ann and Andy where’s the rollercoaster?
In the end, there was no requirement to visit Story Land and the sign was misleading, but it was a better park than Cedar Point and killed some time.
And there was plenty more time to kill. Once in the main park, most of the rides were indeed closed, though with both staff and guests hanging around in anticipation. Refreshingly for an amusement park, communication was very clear at all times. We’re at stage X of weather rules. These rides are closed, these rides are open. These rides will open next.
However this is 2025, so the Alton Towers wild mouse had just undergone a refurbishment and was due to open a few days after our visit. Sending test laps all the while just to spite us.
So we sat on a bench outside the woodie for about an hour, and then it opened. Imagine that.
#2 Rollo Coaster was good fun, if a little unremarkable, but what can you really expect out of 27ft height? A small out and back romp through some woods with some decent forces here and there. +1, park complete, for now.
Nice little place, nothing like what I was expecting. Worth popping in on the pass for sure, but we’ll see what the Herschend takeover does to the value of it I guess.
Talking of nothing to do but coasters, it was time to revisit my old enemy.
After what turned out to be a very relaxed day, thankfully, we then had an insultingly early start to hit the US border one more time. The guy asked what we were doing that day and I told him Cedar Point. After checking the boot he slapped the side of the car and said ‘it’s gonna be a miserable day’.
He couldn’t have been more right.
Day 10 – Cheddar Point
You can often tell how much I enjoy a visit by the number of photos I take to commemorate the occasion.
There’s the entrance.
The early start of course was so that we could take full advantage of the passholder Early Ride Time that this place pretty much demands, sadly.
Top Thrill 2 was of course the main reason for our revisit and one of the most anticipated of the trip, though it was in one of its particularly awkward phases. They had recently announced on socials that it was being added to the list of ERT coasters around the time of our visit, but at the time of the announcement had not been operating for at least a few days prior to that date. The post didn’t age well.
We used our ERT to walk up to it and find a sign saying it was gone, but only temporarily. There were staff in the station, several more at the metal detectors and lockers and a couple more cleaning out the queue, glimpses of hope that they were preparing for something. We joined the queue with a number of other people, hoping to luck out.
50 minutes into our hour of ERT, a man appeared, to shout something inaudible and then physically change the sign outside from ‘Top Thrill might open today’ to ‘Top Thrill will not open today’. Guess it wasn’t happening then.
A classic Cedar Point experience.
Dejected, we reminded ourselves that the world’s best rollercoaster was just a short (long) walk away. So we used the remaining 10 minutes of ERT to head to Steel Vengeance and join the queue outside the entrance there. (The standby half, a fast pass queue had also been formed and, insultingly, was the same length).
30 minutes went by, before they announced that Steel Vengeance was temporarily unavailable.
A classic Cedar Point experience.
Maverick it is then.
With the ERT entirely squandered, Maverick was its usual miserable 90 minute queue. It has shade at least in the second half, but from here you get to witness the fact that the fast pass queue is also already out of its own entrance and taking half of the already limited capacity of the ride.
For reference, this was a Tuesday, one that crowd calendars deemed ‘quiet’, it was still dangerously ‘don’t go outside’ hot and their brand new rollercoaster was due to open later in the week, just to spite us, so we expected at least some form of lull in visitor numbers. No, not at Cedar Point.
Maverick was great anyway, exactly how I remember it. Strong airtime, fast transitions, decent length and a great sense of controlled power. A top 25 if mine wasn’t already full, love it.
From there we walked all the way back to Magnum, via Top Thrill because it was now testing…
Magnum was great anyway, exactly how I remember it. Strong airtime, not too rough, decent length and a great sense of uncontrolled triangular hills. We were surrounded by the quintessential American coaster experience here, constant whoops and hollers and weird comments like ‘God Damn that air time baby’ (on corners) and ‘Man I’m gonna feel that in the morning.’ Love it.
Internet said Steel Vengeance was back, so we headed back over there again and joined a ‘0 minute standby queue’. Sweet, maybe this day is paying off.
It wasn’t 0, physically it was at about the 30 minute mark. There was also a fast pass queue of equal length.
It wasn’t 30. The ride went down two or three more times while we were in the queue, for essential cleaning. Essentially the conditions were so poor that many, many people were falling ill.
Things that contributed to this, within the parks control:
Not being able to take water past the batch point. Holding a full queue of people past the batch point. Locker shenanigans. Holding a queue of people at the lockers. Holding a full queue of people past the lockers. Lack of communication. Not supplying people with water.
So in this endless miserable cycle where even I was feeling close to the worst I’ve ever felt at a park, it took about 2 hours.
And honestly, it wasn’t worth it. All it achieved was Steel Vengeance going down in my estimations.
My initial assessments hold in that it’s very long, full of amazing RMC stuff, blah blah. But it lacks that killer instinct, there’s no real standout moments. I’m a man of a masterful layout and it feels like it doesn’t know what to do with itself. Lots of elements don’t land, and most of the ones that do are done better elsewhere. I preferred Wicked Cyclone.
It was at the moment we retrieved our items from the lockers that I clocked the reality of this visit. We had ridden 3 things in 5 hours, and none of those were new.
We walked past Top Thrill for what turned out to be the last time. It had stopped testing again, the sign remained in place ‘guaranteeing’ its closure for the day and signs of life had only decreased.
Somewhere in the middle of the miserable heat of concrete and rides is a Snoopy shop with air-conditioning. We spent a significant amount of time here, recovering. A few other people were too, including some that looked very ill sitting on the floor. A staff guy awkwardly came up to a few different groups a few times and tried to half-heartedly move them along. ‘You can’t stay here’. Why?
Meanwhile ambulances were heading up and down the midway to provide medical assistance. It was an apocalyptically depressing day for an amusement park.
It took pretty much all we had left in the tank to say well, let’s get the +1 and leave.
So we rode #1 Wild Mouse. No review required.
Then we left.
That evening, several hours away, from a beautifully air-conned hotel room, the internet reported that Top Thrill 2 had reopened.
We had another whole day planned for the park either due to expectations of either great or terrible things, so headed back the following morning to see what we could make of it.
Day 9 – Canada’s Wonderland (again)
This began with a rope drop start to #1 Wonder Mountain’s Guardian as it wasn’t available the night before.
Had a bit of an expectation for this as it was half ‘dark ride’ and has a drop track. It was trash. The coaster does nothing, half the screens were broken and when they did show something it was very poor quality. The drop track was probably the weakest of any coaster I can recall. Great concept, terrible execution. Bring back Zola 7.
Mighty Canadian Spinebuster had the same sign up as the previous day (it reopened a few days after we left, all new and reworked), so that was park complete.
It’s amazing what disgusting weather and lack of care can do to a park as Wonder Mountain’s Guardian was the only thing we rode that day. Did a lap of the place to take all the photos I used for the night before and found that pretty much every ride had a worse queue than we had suffered previously, and that Behemoth was broken.
So, after like an hour, we left.
Overall it was pretty much what I expected from the park really, lack of Alpenfury aside, and it kinda makes sense that I subconsciously dragged my feet in getting there. Concrete and rides, Canada edition. The average quality of coaster is pretty low and their standouts aren’t much to write home about either on a global scale. Above average B&M hyper? We’ve got much better parks in Europe for that. Weather wasn’t the parks fault, but they could put more effort into handling it better. Operations were pretty poor across the board and it suffers from not having anything to do but coasters. Except flats, but the one of those we wanted was broken both days too.
Just another tick in the box, except it hasn’t been ticked because we immediately need to go back… 0/2 for Canada.
Our morning started bright, early and full of optimism. Perhaps a little too bright. It was tourism time.
Day 8 – Niagara Falls
Drove swiftly over to the Canadian half of the city, through the border check and took a cruise down the road that runs parallel to the falls, hoping for a decent parking spot.
Even at this hour, it wasn’t to be, so ended up in Clifton Hill next to one of the rides we wanted in a minute and walked back down to the river via some pleasant greenery.
I’d like to say I was equal parts impressed and equal parts underwhelmed by the falls themselves. It’s a nice view and the sheer power is a spectacle, but at the end of the day it’s a tourist trap.
Hey look, a spite in the distance. Bring back Dragon Mountain.
Clifton Hill Amusements
Moving on to better things, there’s a coaster up the road, on top of a Burger King. Class.
The attraction consists of the House of Frankenstein and you can also pay for a haunted walkthrough thing. If you pay for just the coaster, there’s still some spooky stairs on the way up.
This spectacle greets you at the top before you’re treated to a couple of laps of poorly profiled but perfunctory #1 Frank’ N Coaster.
There’s also some spooky stairs on the way down and an obnoxiously loud air cannon just to sour the experience so you don’t tell your friends.
Over the road, inside an arcade, is a Sally Rides Ghost Blasters, which is pretty cool. I’m no expert, though I probably should be, but it seemed a bit more custom than usual and was surprisingly good value for money.
Of all the things here, I was most interested to try Carnival Chaos from Triotech.
Their Hyper Ride is basically gaming chairs and a blaster that can spin rather wildly through a building of screens. The theme here is some quite nightmare fuelish clown based horror, but it works pretty well and garnered smiles all round.
We were dying at this point, heading back to the car, and it was only like 10:30. Having hoped that our return to Canada would bring a brief respite to the relentless heatwave that was sapping all of our already limited energy and enthusiasm for the trip, it was in fact worse here. It was stepping up another gear.
A couple of hours later up in Toronto, while enjoying some lunch, the temperature reported by the car hit 38°C and brought on serious questions of do we even want to be doing this any more? Concrete and rides, Canada edition. 17 rollercoasters, in this heat. It barely bore thinking about. But it’s why we’d come. Well no, it’s 2025 so that wasn’t open.
Checked in at the hotel just to die a little more inside and then psych ourselves up for the run of our lives. Here we go.
Canada’s Wonderland
Tick.
Always drink plenty of fluids.
Moving is ok, you can always make a game of it, darting from shade to shade like a vampire. Instant regret hits when you end up in a sweaty unshaded queue for #2 Leviathan and there’s nothing you can do but stand there and burn, wondering why anyone else is putting up with it when they could just come back some other day.
The line moved horribly slowly for a 3 train B&M monster but we soon found ourselves on board. Last Giga for me and quite comfortably the worst of the B&M ones. It has the speed and the power of course but nothing really in the way of standout moments. Silly trims, some low bits that don’t do much. It’s quite the visual spectacle on board as things of such scale always are, but I find myself wishing more was happening to my body in response.
S’alright.
Next up was #3 Vortex and oh my, good lord, we were not ready for it. With the snooze fest that is Iron Dragon as my last point of reference for old Arrow Suspendeds, a leisurely lift hill up the mountainside and a scoff at a sign that said it hits speeds of 60Mph, it god damn did.
Absolutely wild and terrifying as it just builds and builds momentum, swinging ever higher and more viciously from side to side while also being perfectly refined and never rough, this thing is an absolute animal and one to be cherished. We hit the brakes at like 135° to flat and were lost for words, before being returned to the grim reality of the operations and proceeding to sit there for another 5 minutes.
Spoilers, but top 3 in the park.
Rides were having issues and we ended up covering far more ground than necessary in our pursuit, combining awkward assessments of what actually matters to us here, what’s nearby, what has a manageable queue and what’s actually open. Yukon Striker was not.
So we ended up on #4 Behemoth, the other big priority, at this point in time reading a queue board sign confirming it was still 38°C, but it feels like 42°C. Thanks.
I really liked this ride, our experiences on it smashed both Lev and all other stadium seating hypers. While those range from embarassingly sluggish to Shambhala, this brought copious amounts of succulent B&M float and crunch.
The other key feature is that it has a layout that performs. You don’t hit the midcourse and the ride is over, you blast through it and into a powerful helix that adds a great variety of forces to the overall package before bringing it back to that satisfying airtime finish. Yay for Behemoth.
Time to get down and dirty with the clones. #5 Backlot Stunt Coaster set complete, it was unpleasant and precisely none of the effects worked.
The Mighty Canadian Spinebuster was reported down for the evening, but Yukon reopened right in front of our faces. We powered in before it could regain a queue, past a sea of people arguing with ride staff about loose articles. Like outside the Mummy. Oh how I wish it was the Mummy.
The lack of attention meant that we started climbing some stairs and then got shouted at for going the wrong way. There was an unchained rope at the base of the stairs so I decided I should put it back for them.
Anyway it was walk on and, it happened. Much like Iron Menace I wasn’t outright offended by #6 Yukon Striker. It rode ok, had a bit of force here and there but is far too large and lumbering to be sprightly about it and far too cookie cutter to be exciting when you’ve done them all.
Looks nice?
From here, both Wonder Mountain’s Guardian and the wild mouse were down, so headed to like the 5th most exciting coaster on park.
Which is #7 Snoopy’s Racing Railway. Except I spited myself by not researching and was horrified to discover in person that it’s just a clone of Fridolino without the charm.
Though the little scene in the shed was a nice touch.
Snoopy’s got creds for days, so while here we also ticked off #8 Ghoster Coaster, a small woodie that got stopped on the lift hill to shout about someone having their phone out apparently.
Not as good as the Kings D and/or Kings I one, I can’t remember which. Maybe both, maybe Carowinds.
Also #9 Taxi Jam, an easy top 10 in the park.
And #10 Silver Streak. Remember when Vekoma couldn’t make anything good, even family coasters? Yeah these still exist.
#11 Thunder Run was a welcome respite from the sun, standard Mack powered affair in the mountain that manages to bring the good times in bad situations.
Then things got real dirty.
Best thing about #12 Dragon Fyre is the statue out front. Soon as we hit the weird straight I knew it was just Canadian Big Loop, and then the regret kicked in.
We rode Lev one more time just to break up the bad. Bit more magical in the dying light, but not what I wanted it to be.
Best thing about #13 Wildebeast is the statue out front. A combination of sticking to your sweaty seat and being bashed to the bone. It was pretty brutal, needs work, but as the mid-sized woodie here it doesn’t need to exist. Stop building single rails and RMC this or something, I’m worried about you.
I believe the #14 Bat earned the title of best Boomerang of the trip. But it’s still a Boomerang.
Then the mouse was back, or rather, the #15 Fly. No review required.
And finally finishing the run on #16 Flight Deck. Absolute filth.
Our reward for landing everything that was available (15/17 coasters) in about 5 hours, in 40 degrees, was two closing laps on Behemoth, which were relatively glorious. It also tied for my most creds in a day streak and I’m happy about that. As ever with these mega parks I’m not sure I want to beat 6 French parks and an Andorran mountain in such simple circumstances.
