China 04/24 – Fuwah Amusement Park
Over in Weifang next I had some unfinished business. Well, not with Weifang specifically, I’d never been before, and why would I, there’s nothing remarkable going on.
What they do have is a sort of sister park to what I dubbed the worst theme park experience of all time – Oriental Neverland in Hangzhou. With its big spiting Chinese duelling dragons thing which I still really wanted to ride, for some reason.
First things first though, we were also within striking distance of the S&S launch at Sun Tzu Cultural Park that spited me. Obviously that would be the better option. A phone call was made.
Oh that? That never opens.
Of course it doesn’t.
Day 6 – Fuwah Amusement Park
And so here we are. Place annoyed me immediately out of the gate. Being shady about what was available and what was not at the ticket office before I shelled out for a piece of plastic to get us into the park anyway. The piece of plastic gave you one free ride!
Decided that free ride would be #1 Mountain Runaway Mine Cars, as it was the first thing we came across. The best rollercoaster in the park. We brandished our piece of plastic excitedly – free ride this – only to then have the piece of plastic taken away from us. Oh, ok. It’s gonna be a QR code based experience from now on apparently.
Anyway, Zamperla speedy coaster with the world’s most violent chain lift engagement and disengagement. Not one for bad backs, but also a 2 inch speed hill that offered the most airtime on park. This was the highlight of the day.
Just over the way was one of these horrible things. There’s a QR code on the ride sign which you can scan in order to pay for the attraction, convoluted of course. The staff woman from the Zamperla was friendly enough to jump a fence and offer to help though. Nothing doing, the QR code didn’t work. During this faff, they dispatched a single car with half a dozen guests on it. Hold that thought.
The alternative solution to paying for the ride was to retrace our steps back to a ticket window near the centre of the park and buy a piece of plastic to use on the rides… One for the death machine sky loop please. Again the staff themselves were friendly enough but asked questions like why don’t you pay for a few more rides while you’re here, to save you coming back again?
Why don’t you confirm to me what’s actually running?
.
..
…
I’ll come back.
Back to the sky loop I brandished my new piece of plastic and got in, being forced into a row I didn’t particularly want to experience the ride from. Some faff and a few minutes later they locked the restraints, except mine wouldn’t lock. They came over and led with the weird interaction I sometimes get out here in that they think I’m not sitting far enough back in my seat. Get some good lap bar clearance you know – extra airtime on the sky loop with OTSRs. I’m guessing it’s just a leg length thing, I don’t know, I physically cant sit further back anyway.
This wasn’t the issue however, the restraint just wouldn’t lock. They pushed some buttons several times, but not in a fun Steel Curtain kinda way. Then asked me to move to a different row. Score! I selected row 5, that’s my jam. Less upside down, non wheel – there’s a science to the horror.
This wasn’t the issue however, the restraint just wouldn’t lock. They decided to move a Chinese man into the broken seat, as if it was a body type related issue.
This wasn’t the issue however, the restraint just wouldn’t lock. Not really something you want to see on a ride of this calibre, but no one seemed overly phased about it. They called engineering or something but apparently it wouldn’t be a quick fix, so we were asked to leave the ride and come back later. But what about the money on my piece of plastic? Don’t worry, we’ll remember your face. I suppose that’s likely.
Silly really, I could have been on that last car had they not made it so difficult to pay for a ride. Not that time was an issue here.
Already rather dejected by this point, headed over to the other half of the park to figure out what else was actually open.
There was little in the way of signs of life over at the main event. I hadn’t seen or heard it operate.
On closer inspection they were actually doing ‘maintenance’ to the suspended train in blue. That ain’t opening then.
Just over the way was a Zamperla 80STD, a glorious sight if ever there was one. No one was there to run it though, and we hung around for a while to see what would happen. One of the maintenance men from the big ride eventually wandered past and we asked him if either of these things were open. The answer – yes.
Well now we had an answer, it was back over to the ticket window to top up the piece of plastic to cover what we’d just discovered.
On return to the Zamperla, #2 Mountain Roller Coaster, someone was there to run it, and ran it. +1.
So the man had said #3 Chase Wind Rollercoaster was open. I took a wander into the queue to discover that, at the entrance to the cattlepen, a sign says it runs on 15 minute time slots. Well, only the top half, because maintenance. So the train was just sitting there, 15 minutes a pop, before hitting that despatch button. Save those pennies. Or lives.
So I rode the damn thing anyway, I have no idea why I was so captivated or intrigued by it. It’s trash.
It’s an illusion of the track work I guess. We’re used to seeing Chinese built coasters riffing off of old, horrible track types like, well, Vekoma SLCs mainly. If the original is bad, and this looks bad, it probably is bad.
Here we have some Intamin mashup of tri-track leading into some modern spiney stuff. It doesn’t look so bad, but it is. Negotiated horribly the whole way round, in an unpleasant ‘brain-rattling’ kinda way. The main mercy is that it traverses most of the layout at a snails pace due to poor pacing. The drop and loop are fast, and dire, but then it meanders around up high for an age, saving that little bit of sanity before a car crash of a final inversion.
I won’t be seeking out the suspended side in a hurry.
In search of some respite, the park claimed that they had a dark ride.
This is it, and it’s looked like that since about 2019.
They were also building a flying theatre, every park needs one of those, since about 2019. Seeing this was the most interesting aspect of the entire visit.
Well…
Not to worry, to cure my headache they had a Chinese built Volare, looking exactly like the closed one two days prior. Can’t escape them that easily I suppose.
A glimmer of hope came in that some guests walked up to the entrance before me, had a conversation with the staff, and then left. Closed? Advised against it? Sadly I tried the same and had it confirmed that it was open.
Time to top up the piece of plastic.
Padded jackets are available for #4 Happy Birds, though I wasn’t offered one, so it can’t be too bad can it.
Yes, yes it can. I know people hate these things but I’ve never been overly offended by the Zamperla ones. Janky as hell, but never any lasting damage. We spent the entirety of the one in Finland in hysterics.
I spent the entirety of this one willing it to slow down. Every block section was negotiated with no braking but really could have used it. A full on, battering assault on the body was taking place, one which I’ve never really experienced before. I’ve heard the originals described like being in a washing machine and that felt quite apt in this instance. The clearance behind me was too much. The clearance to my sides was too much. This thing bruised and grazed both my shoulders and hips against hard plastic and/or metal and I just wanted it to end so bad.
A top 5 worst for sure, so bottom 0.3%, sadly a portion of the list which is entirely measured by the fact that the rides do lasting physical damage to the body. Why is such a factor allowed to exist in this hobby?
As if all that hadn’t been torture enough, I still had the Sky Loop to deal with.
Well they fixed #5 Angel Heart. And remembered my face. There’s been a shift in my estimation of these on this trip, and for the worse, if that was even possible. I don’t even care about the upsidedownness any more. I used to hate it, it was something that affected me too much in a really unpleasant way. Now it’s not even the issue. They just ride like total ass. Shaking itself to pieces at 60Mph in a straight line. Almost head banging the restraint levels of shake, but also just that same horrible brain rattling in your skull effect that really makes you question your life choices.
And thus concludes the park. The worst rollercoaster lineup in the world. I challenge you to find me something that beats it.
If you do, I might even go. Because of course I don’t question my life choices.
Bonus cred
Why would I, when this happens? Took a taxi out to another cred in the city. Some jungle mouse in a green space. The entire park was closed off. Nothin doing.
Went back to the hotel and then headed over to McDonalds.
The greatest McDonalds in the world because it had #6 outside. That’s twice now I’ve just happened across a Chinese travelling coaster on some concrete outside my hotel. It was magnificent, by far the best ride of the day, with cute touches like little plastic windmills blowing in the breeze. The guy operated it wirelessly somehow and then just left it running for 10, 11, 12 laps while staring at his phone and forgetting we existed. This became an issue as time was running on, we had a train to catch and it was a struggle to get his attention.
I’d like to get off now, please.
It reached the stage where I was psyching myself up to bail out of a moving, albiet slowly, ride.
Didn’t have to.