China 01/20 – Chuanlord Holiday Manor

When I say actual park, I use the term loosely. I skipped this place 3 years ago because well… it has nothing going for it. Just a highly concentrated cred run.

But here I am, stuck in Guangzhou with nothing better to do.

Day 11 – Chuanlord Holiday Manor

They chuck about 10 tickets at you for entry to this place that included some ice exhibit and some animal exhibit that I didn’t want. What I did want was the cashless ride card on which you get about 4 times what you pay to get in and far more than you’ll ever actually need.

Warning: quality of my pictures matches quality of the park.

First thing I came across was this spinning yacht device . First time I’ve managed to get on one. It’s a joke of a ride, consisting of an oval with a kicker wheel.

Mmm. Powered Dragon. Something you may notice here is that all the rides are painted in the same colours. I’m not just posting the same picture 8 times and inflating my coaster count, honest.

Best ride of the day right here. It had a slightly unconventional layout for a Jungle Mouse including a couple of moments of surprise airtime.

This area is where the park got tricky. They have a minimum number of riders they require to operate some of their rides.

And as usual, the park was heaving.

So I got warmly greeted by a ride host and told to wait in this area for some more people (after being verified that I was under 1.8m, relief).
Notice the scales as well. Between 40kg and 75kg. There’s a very narrow band of criteria here.

A good half hour went by and eventually some blokes turned up and spent an age faffing about with whether they wanted to or not before several of them got declined anyway for weight reasons (while wearing rucksacks and carrying shopping bags, no doubt with chickens inside). I’m still holding out for the day I caption ‘chicken on a rollercoaster.’

I didn’t even want to ride the bastard. It was horrible.
I laugh in the face of Intrimidator 305 and honestly the closest I’ve ever come to blacking out on a ride was on this thing. The sustained force throughout the whole of the double loop was pure disgust. Why?

The spinner took tactics as it needed at least 3 people per car.
Got flatly refused the first time, then in passing later I saw 4 girls walk up to it and start the usual collective fuss about whether they would ride or not.
I sprinted up to join them. One of them decided against it. A swift nod from the operator. I’m in.
They lost their minds on it. I didn’t.

Talking of losing their minds, I made a new friend on this one, stealing her from her husband while they were having an argument in the queue about riding it.
It was dumb and rough for what it was, but I’ve never quite seen a reaction like this from someone on any ride – full on panic attack. Well maybe Kitt SuperJet. And the Taron queueline.
This needed 2 people and it took me an age to get 1 of them, so I didn’t bother with the farcical matter of attempting all 4 ‘tracks’.

Was beginning to worry that this one didn’t exist. Couldn’t find that final cred anywhere on the park map. It was craftily hidden under a roof. It spins, really viciously, once.

I was subconsciously putting this thing off. It turns out I didn’t actually need to because I spent well over an hour in the same scenario as earlier, sitting outside it waiting for other guests to justify the running of the ride to the staff.
They said they needed 4, but then settled for two children plus myself and forced me into the front row.

I thought I hated these before but now just sitting here recalling the ride experience again is making me feel ill.
Time stopped in the upside down bit. I hate that soooooooo much. I simply can’t deal with it. But there’s nothing I can do. It felt like something gave way in my head and for the briefest of moments I was alright again. And now I’m worried what that sensation signified.
Positive thinking – it was smoother than the one in Finland.

Jumped on the wheel because I had tons of credit left and didn’t want to reride anything in the slightest.

Regretted it immediately because it was creaky and dirty. Couldn’t get through the holes properly for pictures either.

Spent too long waiting for an operator to show up for this thing.
The cheapest of cheap shooting dark ride hardware, but not a shooting dark ride.
Just a ride through some caves and animals in the dark. It was actually really claustrophobic and I guess kinda cool, in an unintentional sort of way.

I then wanted to leave rather abruptly but Didi decided otherwise. In the first instance of it letting me down it said my car was there, but it wasn’t, then got stuck for 15 minutes not letting me cancel or rebook until, I guess, he cancelled at the other end. In my impatience I got guest services to taxi me up instead, the driver of which then attempted to rip me off at the toll booth, reminding me why Didi is still so superior.
He was mumbling to himself as he drove off, disappointed that he failed to fool ol’ ghost face.

Well that was cheerful. Don’t worry, it gets better.

Day 12